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December 2016
S M T W T F S
     
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Syndication

In this episode we go full-on #Bartleby because, given the dour prospects of our already ruinous country, we'd really Prefer Not To. But the world needs humor (maybe!) and, failing that, I guess speaking erratically about a TV show will have to suffice!

(but you can skip to around 30 minutes in if you want to skip the political talk)

Oh the Hamptons, oh 2013, it was a simpler time (not really). Already, reports of nipple-rubbing displays of dominance are resounding up and down the coast of Montauk, and the amount of shirtless Jack in this episode is, frankly, unprecented. But hey, what can you do? With a ButterPersonality like that, you gotta flex those pythons whenever you can, especially when the Wee Baby Coerl seems in direr danger than ever before--menaced as he is by a certain Surprise Englishmun.

(cast Blaster, Couerl! it'll reduce that lickspittle twerp to 1 hp and then daddy's rock-hard nips will finish the job!)

So look, things Hamptons-side aren't so hot either! Given Aiden's Perceived Dubba-Double Cross, he's clearly auditing a couple classes at the Tony Almeida Revenge Junior College, only to all-too-soon learn that 3 credit hours of yelling "MICHELLE!" isn't going to suffice when he's thrown deep into the battle-belly of Conrad's finest Les Mis ensemble rendition you've seen this side of that movie where Russel Crowe pretty much just spoke-sang all his lines.

Speaking of the French Revolution, Margaux's Dreaming a [comparatively low-aspiration] Dream of having her publishing magnate father show up in America for the launch of her magazine. When--BIG SHOCKO--he decides his daughter's distribution debut is beneath him, Margaux stumbles around the launch party in a daze and stammers out some line about him being unable to attend because he broke his "jambe" getting broken "dans l'avion"--basically, the adult version of "my dad, the fireman-slash-president, couldn't come to give a lecture to our social studies class because he's in Canada fighting the Nazis"--and crosses her petite fingers & toes that nobody remembers their high school French well enough to call her on her absurd and easily rebuked lie.

Regrettably, listeners, it is Margaux's cruel lot that her life be as pathetic as it is fictitious, and so it should come as no surprise that not only did Victoria minor in French during her time at Vassar, she also possesses the bat-like hearing and carnivorous blood-hunger of a true Vassar alum. Thus, with the scent of wounded-daughter in the air, Victoria homes in and whispers to a heart-heavy Margaux a mild set of words that just might patch the wounded enfant abandonné's irreparably père-damaged couer that being: "you gotta use that femininity; like, with your body; the sensuality, I mean; it can, perhaps, be a weapon."

And thus, confident with weaponized femininity like when you pick up a rocket launcher in Metal Slug and it goes all "RAWKET LAWN CHAIR" and you're like "wtf this guy smoke before he do this recording??? :o" Margaux strides right out of that office and embarks on a bold and unexpected new life path of using her Femininity in the Weaponized manner (read: booty shake) to make Jack feel bad for standing her up at the launch party (read: in lieu of actually confronting her father). And that's all she wrote! Wow! This shit really works! I got a feeling not a single bad or sad thing will afflict the young Lemarchal scion ever again!

Otherwise, Stuff is Rough! And you don't need me to tell that. Emily certainly doesn't, with the way Aiden's going around being a prick (that being, because he has the hornies for her) and Jack certainly doesn't with the way Aiden's going around being a prick sort-of on Emily's behalf (that being, on the business end of a louisville slugger), and Victoria certainly doesn't, with the way Emily makes her waste whole Sundays on dress fittings which should be a holy and sacred event not something you invite the sweaty poors too--that being, did Emily really have to come? I know it's for her wedding but.......................--and Danny certainly doesn't with the way he, hit harder by these eddying tides than anyone else,  desperately wants to spend his day off watching Air Buddies 3: Space Buddies but he can't because it's child-locked inside a tempting hutch and none of the Martha's will come over to  Emily's beach house to open it for him.

Look, it's not going to be easy from here on out. You know it. I know it. Everyone with anything but a potato perched upon their neck stalk knows it. So let's just try to think about, on the plus side, how many "ships" this episode "christens" (did I use that right??) when weaponized femiWINity of MarGack's flares bright enough for even the upstairs Emily voyeurs to see and volleys its opening kiss gambit straight into the laps of PatLan's "well I don't exactly trust you with all the creepy stuff you did but I guess we're here so let's take our shirts off and see what these nips end up doing."

Oh PatLan, we all knew exactly what those nips were going to do since the very start.

They...

...

...

*clenches fist*

*whispers* ...rub like the devil hisself...

Topics for Consideration:

A Toxic Brew Of Social Misgivings
You Are My Plasma Rifle (But Also So's My Penis)
Victoria's Marinara Trench Backup Plan
Clams For Days
The Feelings BUTTcony
WHO ARE YOU O_O

Direct download: Revengecast_S03E05_-_Control.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:40pm EST

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge: Fall 2016 Edition!

Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood!

(thanks to all the listeners who submitted titles, I'm pretty sure I got them all in!)

And don't forget, tomorrow, November 5th, is our 24 (25??!?!) hour charity live stream for Planned Parenthood which I can give you my iron-clad guarentee will contain no weird anime about butt fighting.

Direct download: MorningBrew005.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:27am EST

It's time for our yearly 24 (25?!?!) hour charity video game stream over at bossdoors.tv! You can donate at bit.ly/bd4pp2016, suggest at bit.ly/bd4ppcalendar, and generally find more information over at daveandjoel.com or friendsfromtheinternet.com. See you then!

Direct download: BD4PP2016Promo.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:03pm EST

Strap yourself in, because this reboot of a revered Tom Selleck/Steve Guttenberg/That Other Guy vehicle (Four Podcasters... And A Baby??) is going to be a bumpy ride!

In this total mess of an episode about a total slog of an episode, after we finish our roundabout promo of Erin's new kickstarter about a VR Puppet Murder Mystery Game, the horses are really off to the races! By which I mean: there's baby sounds till the cows come home and a crapload of general clatter and shuffling and kicking because I still don't have a great solution for micing an entire room in our tiny Brooklyn apartment. Hey, it's just like the old days of Fast Karate in here, where the sound was not very great, the interruptions were frequent, and we accidentally fell into talking about anime (whoops!)

Soundly disproving Erin's(Borrowed) Greater Anime Cyclic Return Theory, Revenge is not a show about psychics (it's also not a cartoon, so I'm not sure why we keep bringing up this thing in the first place??) Revenge IS a show where Victoria always comes out on top, even when you think she's on the bottom. Like, show of hands if you were all "damn, no way Vicky's gonna get out of this public shaming" but then you were like "gosh! the threads of fate are surely intricate and deep as time itself." By the end of the episode, I think we all learned something... but mostly it was episodes focused mostly on many-threaded Conrad subplots are like a many-headed hydra whose many heads expel a sleeping gaze breath attack.

(Noah also wanted everyone to know that those nerdlingers in Stranger Things defeating a Demogorgon with a mere single fireball attack was supremely unlikely)

Also by the end of the episode: Emily does a bummy flip off a dusty car, Jack learns a dark lesson on morality from a certain George A. Romero, Nolan breaches a sacred oath and pays the ultimate price (and gets himself some ulterior smooches in the process), good old Ron Takeda looks into Franchising from Beyond the Grave, Aiden is right back to going Maybe Traitor mere minutes after being declared Definitely Not A Traitor, Victoria is Giving Her Boss The Ole Lightbulb (you know which one I'm talkin' about), and we babble on too long about American Comic Books, a topic none of us can speak on with any significance... but that's never stopped us before!! Full steam ahead! Even in the grips of a limitlessly laggardly liminal space, the Revengecast train stops for no one, because, even in an episode of Revenge where nothing happens, seemingly, actually, everything happens, and we've got just the people to tell you what everything was!

(it's us)

(and the everything was actually nothing)

Topics for Consideration:

Ye Olde Revenge Flim Flam
You're Being A Real Danny About This
Real Housewives of Dune
Conrad's Family Meeting
Waldo Heraldo Faldo
PIZZA. P-I-Z-Z....

Direct download: Revengecast_S03E04_-_Mercy.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:53pm EST

It's the Revengecast so nice we had to... record it in two sessions??? So thanks a lot, in order of importance: my treacherous lungs, the cars and helicopters of Brooklyn, and our upstairs neighbor, the perennial bass player.

But we're not gonna let that slow us down (well, not more than usual) and neither should you! Because... I guess things happen in this episode?

No wait, they definitely do! With the rate that people are wearing pinstripe vests with no shirts all over this island while they talk on their cellphones in public spaces which is very rude, you hardly have a minute to catch your breath! I certainly didn't! Why, I was certifiably gobsmacked by the Danny's constant attempts to undermine Margaux's Margthority, and that's saying nothing of Conrad's sudden reflection on a certain indoor-outdoor structure that is not for the public's use, and this isn't the first time, I've had to warn you plebians about it so get to stepping.

Wait no, don't get to stepping! Or--fine, DON'T listen to me! Just for that, Conrad, for the ne plus ultra crime of NOT LISTENING TO ME WHEN I SAY STUFF AND MAKE GOOD POINTS, I've decided to kill you if it's the last thing I do, I swears it, I 2x swears it, here is my signed affidavit where I state "I intend to murder Conrad Grayson in a spectacular and dramatically ironic fashion, signed below, Victoria Grayson." How could that possibly blow up in my face? I really doubt it should and/or would!

Yes, as the explosive violence spills out into the streets of the sleepy Hamptons (well, one particular street, anyway), the #AidenFaces are so sharp you could cut 4k resolution with 'em and the Collar Watch: Dolphins of Montauk Editions are simply to die for--though, honestly, I could've done without Jack being so weird about his inseam in front of Shallot (and I could've done without Shallot at all, IYKWIM *AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN*).

And hey, if nothing else, you always gotta give that plucky little network drama we like to call Revenge credit for its Efficient Use of Robed Friars on a Limited Budget (I guess they spent all their money this season on that Ferrari which has definitely been mentioned before in the show and wasn't just shoe-horned in as a convenient plot twist), if not its strangely Canid-Focus Conceptions of what constitutes Common Law Marriage.

Hey, it's a Revengecast!

...d-d-d-d-d-do you guys hear something...? 😱

Topics for Consideration:

Tricky Tricks In The Confessional Booth & Other Emily Thorne Capers
Manufactured Murder Meet Cutes
The Jack Porter Ultimate Feeling-Crush Strike
Victoria’s Hissatsu 100% Sure Kill Anti-Emily Device
The Ivan Schwartzmann Debacle

Direct download: Revengecast_S03E03_-_Confession.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:29pm EST

ffti Download here Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions!
If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow! This Week's Major Skews: Get a Meat Thermometer Tweeter Panic! Jobs vs. Vocation ~GottaProtectors~GottaProtectors~GottaProtectors~ See you next time, kids!
Direct download: FriendsFromTheInternet_008.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:21pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

This time on Revengecast, concerns of timely departures are swept aside as we spend like fifty minutes talking about random junk like Stranger Things, You're Next, Deus Ex, renowned chair orator Clint Eastwood (FOR SOME REASON) before getting to the actual meat of the matter, namely that Emily Thorne dipped one toe too many into the holy water basin and has now found herself embroiled in the highest stake game the Revenge casino has on offer: Kitten or Not Kitten?? Don't let the constantly bemused expression, overwhelming compassion, endless charity outreach, and John Ritter-esque hair part fool you, Emily--that Father Paul is No Kitten. 

Or maybe he is?? Like, after all, that's the whole point of the game! And with a priest's reputation on the line, Emily finds herself surprised by her wavering self-righteousness--oh wait, that's not self-doubt! That's Nolan futilely chiming the Bell of Conscience & Everyday Basic Human Decency in your ear! WARE, EMILY! WARE! TRAIPSE DOWN NOT THIS THORNY PATH OF REVENGETH, LEST AN INNOCENT MAN YE DAMN, AND IN THE PROCESS, SUBMIT YE THY MARRED SOUL TO THE UNBOUNDED TORMENTS OF YON NYOLAN CAT TILL THE END OF THINE DAYS & BEYOND!

Well anyway, regardless of your feelings on a certain Padre Paolo and his felid aspect (or lack thereof), you have to admit that sin is running rampant all over this island. Dresses are falling off shoulders, clandestine yacht deals are brokered, Nolan's developed six new ways to describe hacking since he's not allowed to actually do any of it (and, let's be real about it folks, they're almost certainly double entendres for masturbation), Victoria is making weird implications about where she's going to be during Patrick's honeymoon (it's implicit in her statement), PEOPLE SOMEHOW REMEMBER FRANK EXISTED AND WE KNOW THAT BECAUSE THEY MENTION HIM BY NAME FOR SOME REASON, Conrad is "Getting" "Drunk" at the De Facto Family Summit, if you get what I'm implying (Emily is drugging him, is what I'm implying), and his ensuing grumpiness (and glass breaky-ness) causes a heart-struck Charlotte to seriously consider making a modest withdrawal from the Daughter Bank (that is to say: herself). Like whatever! That threat would've hit a lot harder if it weren't delivered by Ms. Casual Pony 2013. Face it, Charlotte, you lost what little Daughter Cache you had when you traded in your leather tights for yoga pants.

But if ever an arrow could pierce the seam in Conrad's armor, it's the extremely temporary threat of voided daughter admiration, so, after sobering up, his next move is to attain the conscience that Emily couldn't and scoot on down to the rain-washed steps of the darkened abbey in the middle of the night to have his confession heard by a conveniently proximate Father Paul--the Revenge Target (and Possible Kitten) Du Jour, in case you forgot. Yikes! That's a collision course in the making if I ever saw one! And so, as her Revenge mine cart barrels down a rickety track made of joyful puppies held by a perennially scowling Jack Porter, it's time for Emily Thorne to make a decision: KITTEN OR NOT KITTEN???

Topics for Consideration:

The Impracticality Of Robo-Racism "Cooking the Blueberries" The Mysterious Smallventures of Tiny Winona Ryder Moe For Margaux! That Part Where Fight Club Realizes He's Brad Pitt Only It's Emily & She's Every Antagonist In The Show To Date Seen The Vagina Bones On That Boy??

Target Status:

revanched2 If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!
Direct download: Revengecast_S03E02_-_Sin.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:59pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

I know we're all a bit shook by the content of this Shocking Season Three Opener, but, unlike the completely appropriate episode title, have no FEAR! Because, in our first Revengecast with an on-site guest, Kenna from the Going Last podcast is here to guide us through the heady, yacht-cut waters of a rather tummy-rumbling season premiere!

Things sure have changed in Hamptons! Victoria is laying thick smooches on a questionable new Manpanion, Charlotte is decidedly not glowing (if you know what I mean (I mean those straight-ass bangs, am I right?? (looking like someone did her hair with a salad bowl))), Conrad's spending less time governing than he is micromanging the Arctic Glacier specs of his official Gubernatorial Picture of Dorian Gray--also he and Danny are pals again because why not--Nolan is out of prison thanks to his helpful robutts foiling the Initiative once (and off-screen) and for all, and the Stowaway is closed until The Season! Oh no! Where will Emily rest her troubled feet, if not in the churning gyre of Jack Porter's psyche??

Fret not, beloved, because The Season will be upon us sooner than you think! And, with the prow of Victoria's filial reconciliation crashing into the rocky shoals of her cloying possessiveness and Jack returning to deliver Jacktimatums like he owns the place (well, given it's the Stowaway, I guess he technically does!) before being possessed (corporeally, that is to say, not in Victoria's weird velvet-gloved version of Mommy Dearest) by the spirit of Sammy, god rest his soul, to deliver a labrador-style slobberslurp right on Emily's ill-prepared kisser, FEAR is in the air something fierce! And no one's olfactory nerves (and gun-shot stomach!) are more aflutter than Emily's, who displays an astonishing aptitude for multitasking by folding a One-If-By-Land, Twofer-By-Revenge strategy into her Victoria's erstwhile annual Memorial Day bash courtesy of Nolan's shockingly impromptu (or is it??) use of the forbidden Parachute Party Crash jutsu.

But beware! Nolan's not the only one touching ground in a shockingly impromptu fashion. A spry Francophone has alighted on American shores with the flutter of gossamer wings. Why, it's the Best Character in the History of Revenge, Margaux Lemarchal! And if you disagree that she's the best character (i.e. the worst character) in the show, then you're going to have to go through Dave! (and only Dave -ed)

HEY, NOBODY ASKED YOU.

(UHM We’ve somehow missed that Victoria’s balcony is a cupola AND that they call it a cupola in this episode. Truly Revenge reveals more of itself with each viewing. -ed)

AAAH CAN I TALK ABOUT MARGAUX FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS WITHOUT THIS CUPOLA SHIT CROWDING MY FLOW.

(Heartfelt apologies for the missed opportunity to fully discuss our balcony feelings with our new and amazing guest, Kenna! -ed)

COMING BACK AROUND: as the scion of Europe's most powerful print magazine magnate (brief reminder: this show takes place in the 21st century and the Internet has been invented in this timeline), Margaux's got big plans and the pixie cut to match! Though, admittedly, her debut is less "Shock and Awe" than it is "Mock and Bawl" as she plummets face first into a lapful of Danny's cringeworthy sexual innuendo--not what I'd call a fantastic Coming Out forthis Parisienne Debutante! Oh well, it's hardly her fault. They don't teach high-level Revenge in those fancy Swiss Alps finishing schools (which, I think we'll all learn, becomes somewhat of a recurring theme with Margaux's character).

Naïveté, however, provides no succor to the long-suffering (but not for long!) Ashley Davenport. As the Memorial Day gala hits an explosive tummy ache of a climax and Emily's Anti-Ashley Scorched Earth Policy charges up to 130% Capacity, the Young Miss Davenport discovers she better get to working overtime if she plans avoid the *taxi emoji* *heart emoji* *knife in back emoji* *get a better plan in life Ashley or AT LEAST set your goals a little higher, JFC emoji* *taxi emoji* and keep her makeshift millet sack booties on US soil. Put that neck on a swivel, Ashley! You know as well as anyone that, thanks to the Greater European Character Conservation of Mass theory, if One Arrives then One Must Surely Leave, and this time I don't think even the practical powers of the routinely handsome Dr. Doctor will be able to save your social-climbing tootsies out from the summer's inaugural Young Yuppie Beachside Bonfire For S'Mores & Ritual Revenge Totem Immolation!

*hamburger emoji* *peace sign emoji* *Japanese kanji for Tree emoji* *number 3 emoji* *air plane emoji* *sobbing in the Eastern European bathroom because you accidentally just sold yourself into a life of human trafficking emoji* *cat face emoji* *train emoji*

REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST!

(CUPOLA! -ed)

Topics for Consideration:

The Vandamme of Our Time Where'd the Pencil Go??Nolan 2.NO Charlotte's Most Definite Dick Peek Tw'One Without Tw'Other Victoria's Kawaiikunai Abandonment Issues

Target Status:

revanched-ashley If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!
Direct download: Revengecast_S03E01_-_Fear.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:06pm EST

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge: Summer 2016 Edition! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! (some messy audio in the beginning as I do a sloppy job cutting out the noise of the air conditioner compressor, it becomes marginally better after the Azumanga Daioh break!) (thanks to all the listeners who submitted titles, I'm pretty sure I got them all in!)
Direct download: MorningBrew004.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:34pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

Can I kick it?

For the sake of brevity, I'm going to assume you replied "yes, you can!"

Because it's Revengecast season 2 episode 22: Truth (part 2), the long-awaited Season Finalé, and we've got less than no time to waste!

Events Are Happening! Such as: Jack putting a heartbreaking end to all of his friendships--fast or otherwise--and smashing his cellphone 'neath his hoary old boot to assume the mantle of Stealth Jack in order to infiltrate the highest & deepest echelons of the Conrad Grayson Gubernatorial Security Apparatus. Why? Because that asshole tried to kill him! Or wait, right now we think it's Ashley what did that, but (bearing in mind the title of this episode), I have a feeling that lie won't linger longly. Especially not after Ashley points out a Logical Fallacy in Jack's Emotiona-Driven Emoji Argument via the unremitting iron gavel of the Jashley Investigations Charter. Looks like there's no room to "Jash" It Out on this one, Jack-o!

Emily is freaking out! Danny is freaking out (and punching people!) Aiden is on a somewhat uncharacteristically even keel, but don't worry about it because Nolan is picking up the slack by writhing on his fainting couch, sobbing hot tears of worry and clinging to his body pillow (an I, My, Me Strawberry Eggs dakimakura, natch) while the world turns to shit around him. Victoria's freaking out! Conrad's freaking out about Victoria's freak out (while standing gubernatorially on top of a car in the middle of Neo-Ground Zero) and, finally, finally, finally the true TRUTH of the Initiative is revealed in a  way which might surprise you.

(if you haven't been paying attention)

Briefly, we devote some thought to Why Did We Have To Leave England WHERE WE AT LEAST WE HAD SOME G-D WINDOWS??

But enough about that!! The catastrophic moments that change everyones lives aren't about to let up, no matter how much Conrad won't shut up about the chopter, and so, neither can we!

As the winding and weaving events of this season draw a bead on the climax quick as a lazy-eyed sniper, Maple, the golden retriever with a heart of gold (and a nose to match!) briefly ignores her whelming love of beavers, badgers, and all other aquatic mammals and/or rodents to foil Aiden's escape plans at the Canadian border (HI!), Declan, eddied about by the aftershocks of a desk that kinda fell on him, reassures Chocolate that they will definitely be the Best Teen Moms Ever while secretly planning a long convalescence in the Grey Havens (the dust got him all sniffly!), Stealth Jack dons his greatest disguise yet (y'know, of the two featured in this episode) and struggles to overcome his (possible) Manchurian Candidate conditioning, Victoria receives a strange and [expected] unexpected Thing on her Doorstep, Nolan's heart is shattered into a million-billion pieces as he finds himself posthumously betrayed by the only woman he ever loved, Conrad just grins a lot (jerk!), and Emily finally lays her bare soul as things ultimately come to an ultimate head in what we can definitely declare is definitely a season finale of a second season of a TV show called Revenge!

*BAM BAM BAM BAAAAAAAM*

Topics for Consideration:

Illegal Greenland Anime Server/Bug-Out Bag You Can Reach Me Through My Nolan Slim Phillip: The Terror of Midtown Retcon(rad grayon)s Neil deGrasse Tyson — The Martyr We Created, The Hero We Deserve Ashley: Cyberpunk CEO to the Stars.

Target Status:

revanched2 If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!
Direct download: Revengecast_S02E22_-_Truth_Part_2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:04pm EST

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