Tue, 28 July 2015
REJOICE FOR SHE IS RISEN! Victoria is back and issuing orders to Conrad just like old times. This is another long one, tangents on tangents. Tangents having tangent babies that then have even more tangent babies--when will it stop? Never, if we have anything to say about it (and we do!) Speaking of babies Danny is trying to figure out whats going on in the Grayson Global books, but Conrad told Ashley to just gave him a copy of Clifford the Big Red Dog so Danny isn’t making as much progress as he expected, he always had trouble with Clifford (look, I don't want to deny the fundamental premise of the story, but it's just creepy; does he really have to be so big?) Victoria gets Conrad to beat her up so she can come back to the Manor and just like that the Graysons are back together again! Per usual, Danny is the last person on earth to learn the Truth--that Victoria’s explosive, mid federal-witness flight death was just a ruse. Danny is pretty upset; this is the tooth fairy incident all over again (Danny got his wisdom teeth out last year, it was a rough time for the little guy.) Emily is sick of lending out three of her guest bedrooms to an inconsiderate roomie who'd rather consummate All Day Brunch with a girl, a real girl, a 3D girl(!) than take his shift at the Clam Cam station, and so she takes it out on Amanda by telling her the paternity test said Jack wasn’t the father of the (alien?) elephant fetus thats been growing for 16 months in her womb, and, frankly, of all the people that dramatically close the Toughbook in this episode Nolan was the worst at it, so no big loss there. Enjoy feeding cereal to your Ryan Gosling hug pillow on the streets, which are your new home, nerd.
ADVISORY: There comes a time in every podcast's life journey where you have to say "fuck it, we did the best we could" and put it out, loudly clipping laughter and all. We recorded this in our mostly empty apartment so the audio quality is pretty awful because it's all like ~echo echo echo~ We plan on making a podcast cave in the new house and to try to learn how to make this stuff sound better. Sorry for your earballs :(
Fri, 17 July 2015
We did it. We made it. Season 2 is upon us. We wearily rouse ourselves from our depressive torpor because, though Victoria is dead, the "Victoria Grayson 2012 Memorial Day Art Auction and Tasteful Philanthropy Gala Sponsored by the Generous and Stunning Victoria Grayson" is still on, except hosted by Ashley. To honor her fallen idol, and also because Victoria left very precise instructions in her will, Ashley wears a simple sackcloth dress and pretends to be bad at party planning so that everyone will pine all the more for the days of Victoria's generous and stunning party leadership. Emily (invited by Chorcolattea who is on furlough from rehab) shows up in a pretty red dress which confuses Danny and forces him to confront the question of why he isn’t still dating her instead of dating Ashley--I mean Croydon--who isn't even wearing a red dress or anything. Danny has a conscience again, maybe, and he spends a lot of time on Victoria's Wistfully Thinking About the Past Balcony, which he has more appropriately renamed Danny's the Before Time Sadness Place. Wooooo hangin out in mom's room, doing mom stuff!
Meanwhile on the other side of the planet (48 hours earlier), Emily has thrown herself full on into the Japanese Memory Drowning Method, wherein you drown yourself to get your memories back, which is real and you guys would know that if you'd signed up for Ronald Takeda's Official Secrets of the Japanese Revenge Masters VHS correspondence course for the reasonable price of $34.95 per tape (plus S&H). But what news from the mark? Quickly, we are enmeshed in the dark pall cast over the dawn of Season 2 by the arrival of only the most treacherous of ancient Chinese sorcerers, Shang Tsung, who, as a character, is really just a copy of that guy from Big Trouble in Little China by Jon Carpenter, so I wanna know exactly where do these white guys get off with this Asian Dark Magic Appropriation BS?
Anyway Takeda is clearly Japanese not Chinese and furthermore clearly not even the same guy anymore! But I guess nobody had to the time to notice the old Takeda Switcheroo since we were all so busy drinking deep of the only ice-blue, Swarovski crystal eyes sufficient to rival Conrad's unquenchable sapphire glory. Btw his name is Aiden, and we know he and Ems are friends because she almost but not quite murders him after he does her her the courtesy of preventing her from drowning. Quit being so tsun-tsun Emily-kun, it's time to let your heart utau.
(So Ashley Madekwe pulls off some gorgeous glamorous-ass outfits just like everyone else on the show, I felt like its worth it to be earnest about it for one second because we’re so attached to our cartoon version of sack-cloth Cinderella Croydon that we never really talk about how cool she is, plus as @Spankminister pointed out she has a fashion blog! http://ashley-ringmybell.blogspot.com/)