Friends From The Internet

Gary and Kole from [the way, way more popular than us] Bonfireside Chat had me on to talk about the Dark Souls 3 DLC, and it was so rad that we had to talk about it for 4+ hours!

The podcast was. I mean. The DLC was kind of whatever for a lot of it. As described below!

"Gary Butterfield, Kole Ross, and Dave Riley talk about the remainder of the Ashes of Ariandel DLC."

Category:general -- posted at: 10:42pm EST

Gary and Kole from [the way, way more popular than us] Bonfireside Chat had me on to talk about the Dark Souls 3 DLC, and it was so rad that we had to talk about it for 4+ hours!

The podcast was. I mean. The DLC was kind of whatever for a lot of it. As described below!

"Gary Butterfield, Kole Ross, and Dave Riley talk about the Ashes of Ariandel DLC for Dark Souls III, and we cover everything up through the Depths of the Painting."

Category:general -- posted at: 10:41pm EST

In this episode we go full-on #Bartleby because, given the dour prospects of our already ruinous country, we'd really Prefer Not To. But the world needs humor (maybe!) and, failing that, I guess speaking erratically about a TV show will have to suffice!

(but you can skip to around 30 minutes in if you want to skip the political talk)

Oh the Hamptons, oh 2013, it was a simpler time (not really). Already, reports of nipple-rubbing displays of dominance are resounding up and down the coast of Montauk, and the amount of shirtless Jack in this episode is, frankly, unprecented. But hey, what can you do? With a ButterPersonality like that, you gotta flex those pythons whenever you can, especially when the Wee Baby Coerl seems in direr danger than ever before--menaced as he is by a certain Surprise Englishmun.

(cast Blaster, Couerl! it'll reduce that lickspittle twerp to 1 hp and then daddy's rock-hard nips will finish the job!)

So look, things Hamptons-side aren't so hot either! Given Aiden's Perceived Dubba-Double Cross, he's clearly auditing a couple classes at the Tony Almeida Revenge Junior College, only to all-too-soon learn that 3 credit hours of yelling "MICHELLE!" isn't going to suffice when he's thrown deep into the battle-belly of Conrad's finest Les Mis ensemble rendition you've seen this side of that movie where Russel Crowe pretty much just spoke-sang all his lines.

Speaking of the French Revolution, Margaux's Dreaming a [comparatively low-aspiration] Dream of having her publishing magnate father show up in America for the launch of her magazine. When--BIG SHOCKO--he decides his daughter's distribution debut is beneath him, Margaux stumbles around the launch party in a daze and stammers out some line about him being unable to attend because he broke his "jambe" getting broken "dans l'avion"--basically, the adult version of "my dad, the fireman-slash-president, couldn't come to give a lecture to our social studies class because he's in Canada fighting the Nazis"--and crosses her petite fingers & toes that nobody remembers their high school French well enough to call her on her absurd and easily rebuked lie.

Regrettably, listeners, it is Margaux's cruel lot that her life be as pathetic as it is fictitious, and so it should come as no surprise that not only did Victoria minor in French during her time at Vassar, she also possesses the bat-like hearing and carnivorous blood-hunger of a true Vassar alum. Thus, with the scent of wounded-daughter in the air, Victoria homes in and whispers to a heart-heavy Margaux a mild set of words that just might patch the wounded enfant abandonné's irreparably père-damaged couer that being: "you gotta use that femininity; like, with your body; the sensuality, I mean; it can, perhaps, be a weapon."

And thus, confident with weaponized femininity like when you pick up a rocket launcher in Metal Slug and it goes all "RAWKET LAWN CHAIR" and you're like "wtf this guy smoke before he do this recording??? :o" Margaux strides right out of that office and embarks on a bold and unexpected new life path of using her Femininity in the Weaponized manner (read: booty shake) to make Jack feel bad for standing her up at the launch party (read: in lieu of actually confronting her father). And that's all she wrote! Wow! This shit really works! I got a feeling not a single bad or sad thing will afflict the young Lemarchal scion ever again!

Otherwise, Stuff is Rough! And you don't need me to tell that. Emily certainly doesn't, with the way Aiden's going around being a prick (that being, because he has the hornies for her) and Jack certainly doesn't with the way Aiden's going around being a prick sort-of on Emily's behalf (that being, on the business end of a louisville slugger), and Victoria certainly doesn't, with the way Emily makes her waste whole Sundays on dress fittings which should be a holy and sacred event not something you invite the sweaty poors too--that being, did Emily really have to come? I know it's for her wedding but.......................--and Danny certainly doesn't with the way he, hit harder by these eddying tides than anyone else,  desperately wants to spend his day off watching Air Buddies 3: Space Buddies but he can't because it's child-locked inside a tempting hutch and none of the Martha's will come over to  Emily's beach house to open it for him.

Look, it's not going to be easy from here on out. You know it. I know it. Everyone with anything but a potato perched upon their neck stalk knows it. So let's just try to think about, on the plus side, how many "ships" this episode "christens" (did I use that right??) when weaponized femiWINity of MarGack's flares bright enough for even the upstairs Emily voyeurs to see and volleys its opening kiss gambit straight into the laps of PatLan's "well I don't exactly trust you with all the creepy stuff you did but I guess we're here so let's take our shirts off and see what these nips end up doing."

Oh PatLan, we all knew exactly what those nips were going to do since the very start.

They...

...

...

*clenches fist*

*whispers* ...rub like the devil hisself...

Topics for Consideration:

A Toxic Brew Of Social Misgivings
You Are My Plasma Rifle (But Also So's My Penis)
Victoria's Marinara Trench Backup Plan
Clams For Days
The Feelings BUTTcony
WHO ARE YOU O_O

Direct download: Revengecast_S03E05_-_Control.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:40pm EST

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge: Fall 2016 Edition!

Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood!

(thanks to all the listeners who submitted titles, I'm pretty sure I got them all in!)

And don't forget, tomorrow, November 5th, is our 24 (25??!?!) hour charity live stream for Planned Parenthood which I can give you my iron-clad guarentee will contain no weird anime about butt fighting.

Direct download: MorningBrew005.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:27am EST

It's time for our yearly 24 (25?!?!) hour charity video game stream over at bossdoors.tv! You can donate at bit.ly/bd4pp2016, suggest at bit.ly/bd4ppcalendar, and generally find more information over at daveandjoel.com or friendsfromtheinternet.com. See you then!

Direct download: BD4PP2016Promo.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:03pm EST

Strap yourself in, because this reboot of a revered Tom Selleck/Steve Guttenberg/That Other Guy vehicle (Four Podcasters... And A Baby??) is going to be a bumpy ride!

In this total mess of an episode about a total slog of an episode, after we finish our roundabout promo of Erin's new kickstarter about a VR Puppet Murder Mystery Game, the horses are really off to the races! By which I mean: there's baby sounds till the cows come home and a crapload of general clatter and shuffling and kicking because I still don't have a great solution for micing an entire room in our tiny Brooklyn apartment. Hey, it's just like the old days of Fast Karate in here, where the sound was not very great, the interruptions were frequent, and we accidentally fell into talking about anime (whoops!)

Soundly disproving Erin's(Borrowed) Greater Anime Cyclic Return Theory, Revenge is not a show about psychics (it's also not a cartoon, so I'm not sure why we keep bringing up this thing in the first place??) Revenge IS a show where Victoria always comes out on top, even when you think she's on the bottom. Like, show of hands if you were all "damn, no way Vicky's gonna get out of this public shaming" but then you were like "gosh! the threads of fate are surely intricate and deep as time itself." By the end of the episode, I think we all learned something... but mostly it was episodes focused mostly on many-threaded Conrad subplots are like a many-headed hydra whose many heads expel a sleeping gaze breath attack.

(Noah also wanted everyone to know that those nerdlingers in Stranger Things defeating a Demogorgon with a mere single fireball attack was supremely unlikely)

Also by the end of the episode: Emily does a bummy flip off a dusty car, Jack learns a dark lesson on morality from a certain George A. Romero, Nolan breaches a sacred oath and pays the ultimate price (and gets himself some ulterior smooches in the process), good old Ron Takeda looks into Franchising from Beyond the Grave, Aiden is right back to going Maybe Traitor mere minutes after being declared Definitely Not A Traitor, Victoria is Giving Her Boss The Ole Lightbulb (you know which one I'm talkin' about), and we babble on too long about American Comic Books, a topic none of us can speak on with any significance... but that's never stopped us before!! Full steam ahead! Even in the grips of a limitlessly laggardly liminal space, the Revengecast train stops for no one, because, even in an episode of Revenge where nothing happens, seemingly, actually, everything happens, and we've got just the people to tell you what everything was!

(it's us)

(and the everything was actually nothing)

Topics for Consideration:

Ye Olde Revenge Flim Flam
You're Being A Real Danny About This
Real Housewives of Dune
Conrad's Family Meeting
Waldo Heraldo Faldo
PIZZA. P-I-Z-Z....

Direct download: Revengecast_S03E04_-_Mercy.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:53pm EST

It's the Revengecast so nice we had to... record it in two sessions??? So thanks a lot, in order of importance: my treacherous lungs, the cars and helicopters of Brooklyn, and our upstairs neighbor, the perennial bass player.

But we're not gonna let that slow us down (well, not more than usual) and neither should you! Because... I guess things happen in this episode?

No wait, they definitely do! With the rate that people are wearing pinstripe vests with no shirts all over this island while they talk on their cellphones in public spaces which is very rude, you hardly have a minute to catch your breath! I certainly didn't! Why, I was certifiably gobsmacked by the Danny's constant attempts to undermine Margaux's Margthority, and that's saying nothing of Conrad's sudden reflection on a certain indoor-outdoor structure that is not for the public's use, and this isn't the first time, I've had to warn you plebians about it so get to stepping.

Wait no, don't get to stepping! Or--fine, DON'T listen to me! Just for that, Conrad, for the ne plus ultra crime of NOT LISTENING TO ME WHEN I SAY STUFF AND MAKE GOOD POINTS, I've decided to kill you if it's the last thing I do, I swears it, I 2x swears it, here is my signed affidavit where I state "I intend to murder Conrad Grayson in a spectacular and dramatically ironic fashion, signed below, Victoria Grayson." How could that possibly blow up in my face? I really doubt it should and/or would!

Yes, as the explosive violence spills out into the streets of the sleepy Hamptons (well, one particular street, anyway), the #AidenFaces are so sharp you could cut 4k resolution with 'em and the Collar Watch: Dolphins of Montauk Editions are simply to die for--though, honestly, I could've done without Jack being so weird about his inseam in front of Shallot (and I could've done without Shallot at all, IYKWIM *AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN*).

And hey, if nothing else, you always gotta give that plucky little network drama we like to call Revenge credit for its Efficient Use of Robed Friars on a Limited Budget (I guess they spent all their money this season on that Ferrari which has definitely been mentioned before in the show and wasn't just shoe-horned in as a convenient plot twist), if not its strangely Canid-Focus Conceptions of what constitutes Common Law Marriage.

Hey, it's a Revengecast!

...d-d-d-d-d-do you guys hear something...? 😱

Topics for Consideration:

Tricky Tricks In The Confessional Booth & Other Emily Thorne Capers
Manufactured Murder Meet Cutes
The Jack Porter Ultimate Feeling-Crush Strike
Victoria’s Hissatsu 100% Sure Kill Anti-Emily Device
The Ivan Schwartzmann Debacle

Direct download: Revengecast_S03E03_-_Confession.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:29pm EST

ffti Download here Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions!
If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow! This Week's Major Skews: Get a Meat Thermometer Tweeter Panic! Jobs vs. Vocation ~GottaProtectors~GottaProtectors~GottaProtectors~ See you next time, kids!
Direct download: FriendsFromTheInternet_008.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:21pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

This time on Revengecast, concerns of timely departures are swept aside as we spend like fifty minutes talking about random junk like Stranger Things, You're Next, Deus Ex, renowned chair orator Clint Eastwood (FOR SOME REASON) before getting to the actual meat of the matter, namely that Emily Thorne dipped one toe too many into the holy water basin and has now found herself embroiled in the highest stake game the Revenge casino has on offer: Kitten or Not Kitten?? Don't let the constantly bemused expression, overwhelming compassion, endless charity outreach, and John Ritter-esque hair part fool you, Emily--that Father Paul is No Kitten. 

Or maybe he is?? Like, after all, that's the whole point of the game! And with a priest's reputation on the line, Emily finds herself surprised by her wavering self-righteousness--oh wait, that's not self-doubt! That's Nolan futilely chiming the Bell of Conscience & Everyday Basic Human Decency in your ear! WARE, EMILY! WARE! TRAIPSE DOWN NOT THIS THORNY PATH OF REVENGETH, LEST AN INNOCENT MAN YE DAMN, AND IN THE PROCESS, SUBMIT YE THY MARRED SOUL TO THE UNBOUNDED TORMENTS OF YON NYOLAN CAT TILL THE END OF THINE DAYS & BEYOND!

Well anyway, regardless of your feelings on a certain Padre Paolo and his felid aspect (or lack thereof), you have to admit that sin is running rampant all over this island. Dresses are falling off shoulders, clandestine yacht deals are brokered, Nolan's developed six new ways to describe hacking since he's not allowed to actually do any of it (and, let's be real about it folks, they're almost certainly double entendres for masturbation), Victoria is making weird implications about where she's going to be during Patrick's honeymoon (it's implicit in her statement), PEOPLE SOMEHOW REMEMBER FRANK EXISTED AND WE KNOW THAT BECAUSE THEY MENTION HIM BY NAME FOR SOME REASON, Conrad is "Getting" "Drunk" at the De Facto Family Summit, if you get what I'm implying (Emily is drugging him, is what I'm implying), and his ensuing grumpiness (and glass breaky-ness) causes a heart-struck Charlotte to seriously consider making a modest withdrawal from the Daughter Bank (that is to say: herself). Like whatever! That threat would've hit a lot harder if it weren't delivered by Ms. Casual Pony 2013. Face it, Charlotte, you lost what little Daughter Cache you had when you traded in your leather tights for yoga pants.

But if ever an arrow could pierce the seam in Conrad's armor, it's the extremely temporary threat of voided daughter admiration, so, after sobering up, his next move is to attain the conscience that Emily couldn't and scoot on down to the rain-washed steps of the darkened abbey in the middle of the night to have his confession heard by a conveniently proximate Father Paul--the Revenge Target (and Possible Kitten) Du Jour, in case you forgot. Yikes! That's a collision course in the making if I ever saw one! And so, as her Revenge mine cart barrels down a rickety track made of joyful puppies held by a perennially scowling Jack Porter, it's time for Emily Thorne to make a decision: KITTEN OR NOT KITTEN???

Topics for Consideration:

The Impracticality Of Robo-Racism "Cooking the Blueberries" The Mysterious Smallventures of Tiny Winona Ryder Moe For Margaux! That Part Where Fight Club Realizes He's Brad Pitt Only It's Emily & She's Every Antagonist In The Show To Date Seen The Vagina Bones On That Boy??

Target Status:

revanched2 If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!
Direct download: Revengecast_S03E02_-_Sin.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:59pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

I know we're all a bit shook by the content of this Shocking Season Three Opener, but, unlike the completely appropriate episode title, have no FEAR! Because, in our first Revengecast with an on-site guest, Kenna from the Going Last podcast is here to guide us through the heady, yacht-cut waters of a rather tummy-rumbling season premiere!

Things sure have changed in Hamptons! Victoria is laying thick smooches on a questionable new Manpanion, Charlotte is decidedly not glowing (if you know what I mean (I mean those straight-ass bangs, am I right?? (looking like someone did her hair with a salad bowl))), Conrad's spending less time governing than he is micromanging the Arctic Glacier specs of his official Gubernatorial Picture of Dorian Gray--also he and Danny are pals again because why not--Nolan is out of prison thanks to his helpful robutts foiling the Initiative once (and off-screen) and for all, and the Stowaway is closed until The Season! Oh no! Where will Emily rest her troubled feet, if not in the churning gyre of Jack Porter's psyche??

Fret not, beloved, because The Season will be upon us sooner than you think! And, with the prow of Victoria's filial reconciliation crashing into the rocky shoals of her cloying possessiveness and Jack returning to deliver Jacktimatums like he owns the place (well, given it's the Stowaway, I guess he technically does!) before being possessed (corporeally, that is to say, not in Victoria's weird velvet-gloved version of Mommy Dearest) by the spirit of Sammy, god rest his soul, to deliver a labrador-style slobberslurp right on Emily's ill-prepared kisser, FEAR is in the air something fierce! And no one's olfactory nerves (and gun-shot stomach!) are more aflutter than Emily's, who displays an astonishing aptitude for multitasking by folding a One-If-By-Land, Twofer-By-Revenge strategy into her Victoria's erstwhile annual Memorial Day bash courtesy of Nolan's shockingly impromptu (or is it??) use of the forbidden Parachute Party Crash jutsu.

But beware! Nolan's not the only one touching ground in a shockingly impromptu fashion. A spry Francophone has alighted on American shores with the flutter of gossamer wings. Why, it's the Best Character in the History of Revenge, Margaux Lemarchal! And if you disagree that she's the best character (i.e. the worst character) in the show, then you're going to have to go through Dave! (and only Dave -ed)

HEY, NOBODY ASKED YOU.

(UHM We’ve somehow missed that Victoria’s balcony is a cupola AND that they call it a cupola in this episode. Truly Revenge reveals more of itself with each viewing. -ed)

AAAH CAN I TALK ABOUT MARGAUX FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS WITHOUT THIS CUPOLA SHIT CROWDING MY FLOW.

(Heartfelt apologies for the missed opportunity to fully discuss our balcony feelings with our new and amazing guest, Kenna! -ed)

COMING BACK AROUND: as the scion of Europe's most powerful print magazine magnate (brief reminder: this show takes place in the 21st century and the Internet has been invented in this timeline), Margaux's got big plans and the pixie cut to match! Though, admittedly, her debut is less "Shock and Awe" than it is "Mock and Bawl" as she plummets face first into a lapful of Danny's cringeworthy sexual innuendo--not what I'd call a fantastic Coming Out forthis Parisienne Debutante! Oh well, it's hardly her fault. They don't teach high-level Revenge in those fancy Swiss Alps finishing schools (which, I think we'll all learn, becomes somewhat of a recurring theme with Margaux's character).

Naïveté, however, provides no succor to the long-suffering (but not for long!) Ashley Davenport. As the Memorial Day gala hits an explosive tummy ache of a climax and Emily's Anti-Ashley Scorched Earth Policy charges up to 130% Capacity, the Young Miss Davenport discovers she better get to working overtime if she plans avoid the *taxi emoji* *heart emoji* *knife in back emoji* *get a better plan in life Ashley or AT LEAST set your goals a little higher, JFC emoji* *taxi emoji* and keep her makeshift millet sack booties on US soil. Put that neck on a swivel, Ashley! You know as well as anyone that, thanks to the Greater European Character Conservation of Mass theory, if One Arrives then One Must Surely Leave, and this time I don't think even the practical powers of the routinely handsome Dr. Doctor will be able to save your social-climbing tootsies out from the summer's inaugural Young Yuppie Beachside Bonfire For S'Mores & Ritual Revenge Totem Immolation!

*hamburger emoji* *peace sign emoji* *Japanese kanji for Tree emoji* *number 3 emoji* *air plane emoji* *sobbing in the Eastern European bathroom because you accidentally just sold yourself into a life of human trafficking emoji* *cat face emoji* *train emoji*

REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST!

(CUPOLA! -ed)

Topics for Consideration:

The Vandamme of Our Time Where'd the Pencil Go??Nolan 2.NO Charlotte's Most Definite Dick Peek Tw'One Without Tw'Other Victoria's Kawaiikunai Abandonment Issues

Target Status:

revanched-ashley If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!
Direct download: Revengecast_S03E01_-_Fear.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:06pm EST

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge: Summer 2016 Edition! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! (some messy audio in the beginning as I do a sloppy job cutting out the noise of the air conditioner compressor, it becomes marginally better after the Azumanga Daioh break!) (thanks to all the listeners who submitted titles, I'm pretty sure I got them all in!)
Direct download: MorningBrew004.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:34pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

Can I kick it?

For the sake of brevity, I'm going to assume you replied "yes, you can!"

Because it's Revengecast season 2 episode 22: Truth (part 2), the long-awaited Season Finalé, and we've got less than no time to waste!

Events Are Happening! Such as: Jack putting a heartbreaking end to all of his friendships--fast or otherwise--and smashing his cellphone 'neath his hoary old boot to assume the mantle of Stealth Jack in order to infiltrate the highest & deepest echelons of the Conrad Grayson Gubernatorial Security Apparatus. Why? Because that asshole tried to kill him! Or wait, right now we think it's Ashley what did that, but (bearing in mind the title of this episode), I have a feeling that lie won't linger longly. Especially not after Ashley points out a Logical Fallacy in Jack's Emotiona-Driven Emoji Argument via the unremitting iron gavel of the Jashley Investigations Charter. Looks like there's no room to "Jash" It Out on this one, Jack-o!

Emily is freaking out! Danny is freaking out (and punching people!) Aiden is on a somewhat uncharacteristically even keel, but don't worry about it because Nolan is picking up the slack by writhing on his fainting couch, sobbing hot tears of worry and clinging to his body pillow (an I, My, Me Strawberry Eggs dakimakura, natch) while the world turns to shit around him. Victoria's freaking out! Conrad's freaking out about Victoria's freak out (while standing gubernatorially on top of a car in the middle of Neo-Ground Zero) and, finally, finally, finally the true TRUTH of the Initiative is revealed in a  way which might surprise you.

(if you haven't been paying attention)

Briefly, we devote some thought to Why Did We Have To Leave England WHERE WE AT LEAST WE HAD SOME G-D WINDOWS??

But enough about that!! The catastrophic moments that change everyones lives aren't about to let up, no matter how much Conrad won't shut up about the chopter, and so, neither can we!

As the winding and weaving events of this season draw a bead on the climax quick as a lazy-eyed sniper, Maple, the golden retriever with a heart of gold (and a nose to match!) briefly ignores her whelming love of beavers, badgers, and all other aquatic mammals and/or rodents to foil Aiden's escape plans at the Canadian border (HI!), Declan, eddied about by the aftershocks of a desk that kinda fell on him, reassures Chocolate that they will definitely be the Best Teen Moms Ever while secretly planning a long convalescence in the Grey Havens (the dust got him all sniffly!), Stealth Jack dons his greatest disguise yet (y'know, of the two featured in this episode) and struggles to overcome his (possible) Manchurian Candidate conditioning, Victoria receives a strange and [expected] unexpected Thing on her Doorstep, Nolan's heart is shattered into a million-billion pieces as he finds himself posthumously betrayed by the only woman he ever loved, Conrad just grins a lot (jerk!), and Emily finally lays her bare soul as things ultimately come to an ultimate head in what we can definitely declare is definitely a season finale of a second season of a TV show called Revenge!

*BAM BAM BAM BAAAAAAAM*

Topics for Consideration:

Illegal Greenland Anime Server/Bug-Out Bag You Can Reach Me Through My Nolan Slim Phillip: The Terror of Midtown Retcon(rad grayon)s Neil deGrasse Tyson — The Martyr We Created, The Hero We Deserve Ashley: Cyberpunk CEO to the Stars.

Target Status:

revanched2 If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!
Direct download: Revengecast_S02E22_-_Truth_Part_2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:04pm EST

ffti Download here Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions! Ooops! As it turns out the microphones were poorly balanced. So please endure the difference between our audio levels with as many grains of salt as you can bear, and (~~~like we always say~~~) we'll do our best to do better next time!
If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow! This Week's Major Skews: Home Ec: A Life Skills Seminar (Hosted By Clive Barker??) A Critical Case of the Sad Brains My Landlord and/or Roommates suck! Art vs. Craft Discussion: "We Don't Know Words" Edition See you next time, kids!
Direct download: FriendsFromTheInternet_007.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:54pm EST

So a couple weeks back Graz and I were on the Going Last podcast to talk Dark Souls and the Dark Souls board game. But I never posted about it or linked it in the feed because I'm dumb and I forgot! So here it is, and thanks so much to Kenna and Rich for having us on, and it was a lot of fun, and I hope we didn't make total fools of ourselves!

Going-Last-Sash-Resized-e1449176070680

This week we needed help from our Friends from the Internet, Dave and Graziella to breakdown Dark Souls – plus we review all the other amazing Kickstarters. We are also excited for the best versions of many games, including Legendary Encounters, Star Wars RPG and The Builders! So much to get to! So let’s get to it!

So get on over there and listen to it! Or download the mp3!

Auugh I hate myself for forgetting to post this for so looooong.

Category:general -- posted at: 10:40am EST

Revengecast S02E21 - Truth (part 1)

In this episode of Revengecast: The Podcast About Revenge, Jack Porter's dockers are filled with a steaming load of [RATED E FOR EXPLICIT] and so are ours! With New York in peril thanks to the deployment of the devious Carrion device, wheels are spinning, deals are happening, and alliances are forged, broken, and forged again stronger than ever across not one but two separate islands!

In perhaps the briefest pairing yet, Jactoria Snooping Agency pairs up for the dual purpose of Talking like a Regency Novel Protagonist AND ALSO to investigate the strange occurrences transpiring behind the closed, mahogany boardroom doors of the nefarious Conchly Group(...Global)--who are super good at spycraft and the nonpareil experts in their field at not looking suspicious at all--and their innovative new Cunning Cons: Sponsored by Conrad Grayson (#JointheCONversation). Meanwhile, on the other side of the vestibule doors(where, TBQF, we all kind of wish they'd just stayed forever, like in a sort of Cask of Amontillado scenario), the Decgina Anti-Friends  fritter away their time bickering like only love-struck teenagers can, and Charlotte and Danny, who really bear no portmanteau, are power-napping their way across 17 Blocks (which is one extra block than Bruce Willis and Mos Def ever got!) three hours at a time.

But the [RATED E FOR EXPLICIT] really hits the fan when the power comes back and Emily finds out that maybe not everyone on the planet is super into her exact, specific method of Revanche. The darkest secrets of the Takeda Black Marker Circle Ritual is revealed, Victoria stoops to a new housekeeping low, Ashley is Aligning The Crystals to imbue Conrad with the spirit of Rich People's Greatest Ally, Aiden's heavy heart forces him to reveal a troubling encounter with The Man Who Bites (now streaming on Netflix!), Jack has definitely played at least one Pokemon game (looks like a real SOUL SILVER to me, am I right?), we lament the futility of one Babbano against the full might of the Vecchia Famiglia dei Magi (we also cut like half an hour of us humorlessly discussing the horrors of retributive criminal justice, so you're welcome), and Emily is with child?? Well, probably not, but somebody is, and you'll have to listen [rate, review, and subscribe to our patreon] to find out who!!

Topics for Consideration:

The NolanSat Satellite Sat Network (aka The NolSatSatSat)
Wolf Children Illumi and Nati
Many Marthas
Beverly Hills Time Cube 2: Hypercube
Celebrity Box Starring Bea Arthur
Revenge -- Prior: The Blade -- The Novel: The Tempest of CCH Pounder (with Madeline Stowe)
The Trendy Cloning Life of Luckey Persimmons
Givenchy Fuckin' Loafers
#NeverEndOnAshley

 

Direct download: Revengecast_S02E21_-_Truth_Part_1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:11pm EST

Woah, buddy! Just because we all-but slept through the first case of Sherlock Holmes and the Devil's Daughter doesn't mean we can't  half-assedly recap it for your listening pleasure! Thrill to the sound of us struggling to remember the simplest details, chill to the painful strife of 19th century child labor (cor blimey!!!!), and think, quite sternly, on what Kareem Abdul-Jabbar would do in this situation.
If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow! Also Download The mp3 Or Whatever
Direct download: MorningBrew003.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:21pm EST

ffti Download here We're trying something new! Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions!
GAME OF THRONES (AND OTHER TV!) SPOILERS FROM ~5:00 to ~12:00, SO WATCH OUT!!
This Week's Major Skews: ~Feeling Salty~ BJs & Nursing A Need Coping With Sudden Loss (Our Hearts Go Out! 😞) SUCH IS YOUR FATE See you next time, kids!
Direct download: FriendsFromTheInternet_006.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:51pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

This episode is the best guys, bringing us the potent, truest form of Revenge melodrama. Like the MAIN conflict is about Emily wanting to move to Paris with Victoria's son. The woman would be willing to kill over this. They use the super dangerous drama music and everything. YOURE MOVING OUT ?!?!?!?! MURDER!!!!! Also prominently featured are (what i assume  to be) Austen levels of politeness that cunningly transform into sick burns. Powers we clearly don't have, because we don't waste a single second on whether or not Love Actually sucks (it does) and whether or not Soul Reaver not only rocks butts but also deserves to be plot-recapped for like ten minutes in a two-hour podcast that is basically just a plot recap in the first place (it does!!)

Delving deep into the mind's eye of our hearts, we cast Victoria in her Most Challenging Role yet, The Empathetist (join the conversation at #TRUTCHYOURGUT), and seeking hidden wisdom lost across the many folds of time and space, we divine Victoria’s 4 pillars of nen superpower:

Elegance Mistrust Subtlety Money

...which spells EMSM...which as we can all plainly see is basically just EMILY. Truly they are locked in providential battle, one fated since the forging of the earth. Also fated by that time Emily saw Victoria kissing her dad. To be fair Victoria did scowl at her. And then ruined her life. So yes basically yes, providence and doom and all that. Dave correctly intuits that Victoria experiences sex like an Asari matriarch, possibly the kind that have sex so good that it kills you? Then theres all the shit Aiden is doing while he is Going Rogue, its a lot but lets just say it involves mall katanas. Finally, Dave is pretty sure Victoria has played Valkyrie Profile and I mean it is a really good game and Victoria does have unimpeachable taste but I'm not convinced shes gotten around to it yet.

Topics for Consideration:

Who Sits Upon The Bucket Throne? Hedgefund Detention S. Empatha Merkerson Going Rogue #ItsNeverHughGrant Jackie Pork Poodie Pie

Target Status:

revanched

 
Direct download: Revengecast_S02E20_-_Engagement.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:57pm EST

slowpoke It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge: Spring 2016 Edition! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! (thanks to all the listeners who submitted titles, I'm pretty sure I got them all in!)
Direct download: MorningBrew002.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:04pm EST

ffti Download here We're trying something new! Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions! This Week's Major Skews: Soup Dumplings: The Ultra-Best Relationship Quitting 201 Where Else Would You Want To Live (And Would You Make Cheese There?) Can We Just Play Tales of Vesperia Again Already? See you next time, kids!
 
Direct download: FriendsFromTheInternet_005.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:06pm EST

Watch out sensei, that meat ain't all it's cracked up to be!

Direct download: YamishiDIGEST_2.09_-_Sour_Scrag_of_Beast.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:53pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

In this edition of the Revengecast post I'm typing this while Graz streams Dark Souls 3 so apologies for brevity or a (greater than normal) lack of cohesion!

Tonight, we welcome Spankminister's expertise for this Very Special Episode of Revenge, by which I mean it involves not only 90s-style hackers, but also 90s-style video games (by which I mean Street Fighter 2, boyyy!) On this cyberbattlescape where bits are bytes and bytes are the only thing that's real, the notorious Falcon (who is definitely a man) learns a valuable lesson about friendship (maybe!) from... wait, do my eyes deceive me or is that the beautiful and handsome Ryan Gosling star of hit movie, The Driver Man??

Yes friends, tonight, truly the fingerless gloves and Chun-Li kicks flow like rose-scented sweet water as we spiral into a dizzyingly dark descent wherein we discover that Jack Porter may be not only Stupidly Honest Kanzaki Nao BUT ALSO The Ultimate Survivor AKA Kaiji (JUST GET NAKED AND WALK THAT STEEL BEAM, BUDDY, THAT DEBT AIN'T GONNA CLEAR ITSELF), and mull over whether Victoria contemplating her past might be just a little self-serving and/or narcissistic and/or you know, she's kinda got a point though, what's a seventeen-year-old mom gonna do with a kid when Paris is on the horizon?? Who would blame her? Not me!!

(well, maybe me; but at the same time, I understand completely her choices, and to a certain extent believe they were best for everyone involved)

And so, in our own way, we all wish we possessed both Victoria's overwhelming inner strength and her consummate ability for self-deception, because couldn't we all use a bit of Baptism By Haute Couture, here and there? Meanwhile, Charlotte's permitting herself a nice night of Girl on Grayson Action (tm!) and we're sitting here like a bunch of dopes fretting over Declan's remarkably inexpert child care abilities, lamenting Baby Carl's unenviably status as the world's first infant to experience post-partum depression while JUJU CHANG IS IN THE SITTING ROOM RIGHT NOW. HOLY CRAP. EVERYONE GET A MOVE ON, THERE'S NO TIME!

(if the audio's out of whack, sorry! leveling two sources is haaaaaaaaarrrrdddd)

Topics for Consideration:

The 5 Stages of Revenge Grief A Gap In The Flashback Firewall Cool Person Trick Questions Declan's Aura Of Extreme Malaise (+d6 Sadness in a 25' Radius/Round) Street Fighter 2: A Commitment To Accuracy SKREE!

Target Status:

revanche

 
Direct download: Revengecast_S02E19_-_Identity.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:11pm EST

ffti Download here We're trying something new! Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions! This Week's Major Skews: The Unerring Pain Of Deviant Art NthDegree Cooking Master List Combo How To Write Not-Dumb Things Why Is Aragorn On My Space Station? See you next time, kids!
Direct download: FriendsFromTheInternet_004.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:23pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

It's been a surprisingly long time since the last Revengecast, especially since we recorded this one before Graz went away to Colorado, but what can you do? We ain't in the army and we don't get up at reveille.

(that being said, we are always striving to be more punctual and we apologize for the delay in Your Content)

ANYWAY. In this episode of Revenge, everyone's prepping for an October Surprise, which is not as fun as it sounds and is probably not a delicious, refreshing traditional English dessert (the jury's still out). All over New York, fall, the election, and the masquerade ball are in full swing! While we dither about what is/is not Page 6, Conrad struggles to get his Town Hall (in Jack's Bar) Meeting to the perfect pitch of down-home, working-class charm. Don't worry Conrad, the casual, relatable way you remove your blazer is sure to (working )class the PANTS OF those filthy Vox Populi (vote Grayson). But it would sure be helpful if Ashley stopped interrupting our practice debate to run intermediary because back at the house, mysterious notes are being dropped off re: one suspiciously Long Lost Son. Who could it be!

Well it's probably not Padma, who has vanished, not that you'd know from Aiden's completely cavalier attitude about the whole thing, considering how Nolan's gone full Dollhouse and is writing conspiracy grids all over his corner office mirrors in his quest to FIND THE NUMBERS.  It's like Aiden can't be bothered to care about how Nolan's so depressed that it's all he can do to pick up the phone and order expensive delivery sushi whenever he's feeling slightly peckish. Apparently, all AIDEN cares about is tying red string around an increasingly muddled collage of low-DPI black and white printouts of Manhattan's manifold butts (and casually sliding his way out of the room when Hyper-Advanced 1920s Crime Robot Ethan(??) Trask shows up to complain about his investment portfolio (and also why the murders haven't happened yet)). Also, also does Aiden seriously not have a secret identity and he's just been going around with the same last name as the guy who blew up the plane THIS WHOLE SHOW IS ABOUT and nobody has noticed up until this point?? That seems like a strange oversight to me???

At some point we try to determine if any Pokemon can truly sum up the essence of Victoria (spoiler alert: Freiza???)

Look, let's face it: whatever important stuff might or might not happen in this episode, the only thing worth caring about is the masquerade, and what a masquerade it's been! While treachery abounds and disasters pop off like champagne corks all over the island (thanks a lot, Aiden!!) Victoria's haunting by THE PAHST comes to a canonical head when the specters of her THE PAHST come back to haint her at the very masquerade party she worked so hard on all month to make sure it was spooky-HYPHEN-fun. The *fun* part was important, Ashley, didn't you get the iMemo?? This masquerade ball isn't spooky-HYPHEN-fun, it's just spooky, and that's not ANY kind of fun, hyphen or no! Also, who keeps playing Wagner or maybe Mozart everywhere it's starting to piss me off and make me feel faint.

This is a worse masquerade than the one Danny's impromptu incarceration canceled last year!!! >:|  And all this after Victoria gots this close to inducting Charlotte into the Sisterhood of the Time Traveling Past Balcony until she gets bored and forgets she's supposed to care about her daughter when--overcome by the eddying currents of the TIME BALCONY--she remembers she has not one, but two sons for which she bears a deep unrequited love about which she allows absolutely no introspection about the whats and/or whens of her actions that may've caused her maternal love to be unrequited in the first place (2x spoiler alert: don't leave your baby on some doorstep if you don't want him to send you ominous black roses thirty years later).

#SorryHarlot

Topics for Consideration:

HalloWIN? Candy Dorobos The Grasyon/Porter Secret Anime Code 4 Foolin' The Vox Potpurri How To Be A Big, Strong Man The Dick Cerberus Tequila Placenta: Not Real. Tinctures Made From Tequila and Placenta: ALL TOO REAL. Charlotte, Eat Your Saucy Pud.

Target Status:

revanched

 
Direct download: Revengecast_S02E18_-_Masquerade.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:40am EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

It's been a surprisingly long time since the last Revengecast, especially since we recorded this one before Graz went away to Colorado, but what can you do? We ain't in the army and we don't get up at reveille.

(that being said, we are always striving to be more punctual and we apologize for the delay in Your Content)

ANYWAY. In this episode of Revenge, everyone's prepping for an October Surprise, which is not as fun as it sounds and is probably not a delicious, refreshing traditional English dessert (the jury's still out). All over New York, fall, the election, and the masquerade ball are in full swing! While we dither about what is/is not Page 6, Conrad struggles to get his Town Hall (in Jack's Bar) Meeting to the perfect pitch of down-home, working-class charm. Don't worry Conrad, the casual, relatable way you remove your blazer is sure to (working )class the PANTS OF those filthy Vox Populi (vote Grayson). But it would sure be helpful if Ashley stopped interrupting our practice debate to run intermediary because back at the house, mysterious notes are being dropped off re: one suspiciously Long Lost Son. Who could it be!

Well it's probably not Padma, who has vanished, not that you'd know from Aiden's completely cavalier attitude about the whole thing, considering how Nolan's gone full Dollhouse and is writing conspiracy grids all over his corner office mirrors in his quest to FIND THE NUMBERS.  It's like Aiden can't be bothered to care about how Nolan's so depressed that it's all he can do to pick up the phone and order expensive delivery sushi whenever he's feeling slightly peckish. Apparently, all AIDEN cares about is tying red string around an increasingly muddled collage of low-DPI black and white printouts of Manhattan's manifold butts (and casually sliding his way out of the room when Hyper-Advanced 1920s Crime Robot Ethan(??) Trask shows up to complain about his investment portfolio (and also why the murders haven't happened yet)). Also, also does Aiden seriously not have a secret identity and he's just been going around with the same last name as the guy who blew up the plane THIS WHOLE SHOW IS ABOUT and nobody has noticed up until this point?? That seems like a strange oversight to me???

At some point we try to determine if any Pokemon can truly sum up the essence of Victoria (spoiler alert: Freiza???)

Look, let's face it: whatever important stuff might or might not happen in this episode, the only thing worth caring about is the masquerade, and what a masquerade it's been! While treachery abounds and disasters pop off like champagne corks all over the island (thanks a lot, Aiden!!) Victoria's haunting by THE PAHST comes to a canonical head when the specters of her THE PAHST come back to haint her at the very masquerade party she worked so hard on all month to make sure it was spooky-HYPHEN-fun. The *fun* part was important, Ashley, didn't you get the iMemo?? This masquerade ball isn't spooky-HYPHEN-fun, it's just spooky, and that's not ANY kind of fun, hyphen or no! Also, who keeps playing Wagner or maybe Mozart everywhere it's starting to piss me off and make me feel faint.

This is a worse masquerade than the one Danny's impromptu incarceration canceled last year!!! >:|  And all this after Victoria gots this close to inducting Charlotte into the Sisterhood of the Time Traveling Past Balcony until she gets bored and forgets she's supposed to care about her daughter when--overcome by the eddying currents of the TIME BALCONY--she remembers she has not one, but two sons for which she bears a deep unrequited love about which she allows absolutely no introspection about the whats and/or whens of her actions that may've caused her maternal love to be unrequited in the first place (2x spoiler alert: don't leave your baby on some doorstep if you don't want him to send you ominous black roses thirty years later).

#SorryHarlot

Topics for Consideration:

HalloWIN? Candy Dorobos The Grasyon/Porter Secret Anime Code 4 Foolin' The Vox Potpurri How To Be A Big, Strong Man The Dick Cerberus Tequila Placenta: Not Real. Tinctures Made From Tequila and Placenta: ALL TOO REAL. Charlotte, Eat Your Saucy Pud.

Target Status:

revanched

 
Direct download: Revengecast_S02E18_-_Masquerade.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:38am EST

Direct download: MorningBrew001.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:04pm EST

ffti Download here We're trying something new! Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions! This Week's Categories: Too Much Time Spent On Strategy RPGs! (#AlphaStrikes) Maybe You Can Just NOT Frozen Burrito? Keeping It Lateral Bop 'em With A Newspaper! See you next time, kids!
 
Direct download: FriendsFromTheInternet_003.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:39pm EST

So this week in Revengecast we're a little heavy on plot synopsis but as per usual there are a lot of byzantine machinations to go through. Yes I know machinations already implies that they are byzantine but it's for emphasis, don't worry about it. SO these particular revanches involve foster brother Eli and their Dickensian orphanage (Revenge's own words, it's in the script) named Hayward House, more like HeyWORST House. We see more of baby Gothmanda and her predilection for using red markers to X out her enemies--in this case her very own father! But all she has are those awesome children's smelly markers and so she has to smite him, but with the scent of cherry. We once again fail to do our homework on sartorial terminology, I dont even know what you call a blazer with two rows of buttons. I should have bought this book which is real and NOT a joke:

So we're also continuing the Tale of the Nine-Fingered Padma’s Father and the Carrion of Doom, and Nolan is making some pretty serious promises to Padma that nothing bad will ever happen to her or her dad ever again. Unfortunately these promises end up coming down to Aiden, who proves once again that he is bad at his job. Don’t worry Nolan Padma will be FINE. This mission that Emily can’t supervise because she is in New Haven for some reason will definitely go well. I have a degree from Tanaka’s Correspondence Revenge School, now hear me out, its not as fancy as Takeda’s school but I have studied the butts of ALL the initiative members (that I know of) and I am ready to shoot them there (in their butts) with my sniper rifle. Unless of course they're turned around, but what are the chances of that? Or oh god what if they are sitting down...NO Tanaka warned me about this, this is what we call "self doubt" and it is the enemy of revenge. I WILL BE ABLE TO SEE THEIR BUTTS NOLAN. I swear it to you.

ELI JAMES...? :(

Direct download: Revengecast_S02E17_-_VICTORY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:31pm EST

Direct download: Revengecast_S02E16_-_Illumination_mixdown.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:25pm EST

ffti Download here We're trying something new! Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions! This Week's Categories: Media, Field of View(?), Criticism, Writing Dating and Porn(!!) Jobs?! Whistling Dixie?? See you next time, kids!
Direct download: FriendsFromTheInternet_002.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:15am EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

Take 2! We welcome Patrick back for a fun romp through the sad sad Amanda’s funeral episode. RETRIBUTION! Emily is 100 percent sure it was the Graysons who are responsible for Amanda’s death and she’s mostly right, except as always she focuses her ire on her one true object of revenge (Victoria) when really Victoria was all “who the fuck is Nate Ryasdaksld Conrad, and why does my mouth hurt when I say his name, is he poor!!?” 

So despite the fact that Amanda’s death was pretty much as unconnected with Emily as is possible, given that they’re bffs who share each others name and past and present and are sisters, Jack is still super pissed at Emily because like…reasons. Because its Emily’s responsibility to tell Jack that Amanda was plotting revenge i guess? Jack is a dickface, who cares. WELL APPARENTLY ME because i can’t let go how arguably he is the one who fucked up and got the Ryans all up in their bar and got Amanda killed. 

Danny is still having his mini crisis of conscience and is all like ALL WE HAVE IS BLOOD MONEY AND IM TIRED OF FEELING BAD ALL THE TIME MOM CANT WE JUST HAVE ALL THE MONEY AND NO BLOOD, OR AT LEAST POSSIBLY LESS BLOOD?

Shhhhhh go to sleep Danny, go to sleep forever.  

ELI JAMES???

Topics for Consideration:

Victoria's Bloodborne Fashion Sense Once again Everything is Coming Up White Guys With Money! Losing Two Amandas in One Night Toothsome Tart or TOOTHSOME TART The Face Vault In Game of Thrones (But For Fingers) Next Time Buy The Safe, Amanda Emiligizing

Target Status:

 revanched

Direct download: Revengecast_S02E15_-_Retribution.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:24pm EST

We're trying something new! Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions!

Direct download: FriendsFromTheInternet_001.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:23pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

Watch out everyone because in this sterling episode of Revenge, things are really heating up! And I'm not just talking about the weather (though the unseasonably hot weather is such an essential plot point of this episode that it's bordering on that annoying thing where people say "Los Angeles is like its own character in this movie, man), but the things that are happening while the weather is hot are also very hot in a metaphorical sense! As the scene opens, we find Helen Crowley dead in our pool house! What do we do! Somehow I was SO sure that they changed into their Super Taupe Tones body disposal outfits the night of the murder but actually those were their NEXT DAY AFTER MURDER outfits, which does make more sense. Nothing screams innocence like beige, obviously.

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the ocean, Jamanda's first morning of unrestrained wedded bliss is interrupted by a Very Sneaky Hamper Man, name of Anders vonPyramidPlayer. In a trial that would test even the strongest of marriages, Anders deploys his "Grossly Misinterpret Conrad's Intent" stratagem and holds the newly wedded Clarke-Porters hostage in search of the evidence. But as it turns out, Anders learned all his tactics from an old copy of Stratego, so while he's trying to figure out if Jack and Amanda "surrounded their flag with bombs, or if that's just another bomb in the middle, and what if it's actually in the front row with all the pawns, nobody ever expects you to put it in the front row???" Jack proves he has a knack (or is that a "jack"???) for subterfuge after all, and Amanda's eyes are drawing a Looney Toons-style dotted line between that fire extinguisher and the back of Anders's head.

Back on the mainland, though, it is still hot! And you know it's hot because everyone SAYS it is, including Nolan who has a FAN and AW MAN THE AIR CONDITIONER BROKE and if we weren't before, we're definitely going to kill the Baby Coral now, Chocolate! BUT LOOK WE HAVE TO GET THROUGH THIS PODCAST BECAUSE WE ARE VERY HUNGRY SO MOVE MOVE MOVE. Emily and Nolan are on a boat! Aiden drags Padma all the way to NYC to tell her something he basically could've texted her, and jeezy creezy thank god they skip that car trip and save us the torment. Like what would their road trip conversations even be about? What the hell would the two blandest people on the planet talk about for two hours? "Omg, can you believe we're both love Saltines and the Dave Matthews Band??" Yes Padmaiden, I can.

Back on the ocean, time is running out! Emily is moving the throttle forward and Nolan is boat hacking (and doing a very good job at not throwing up!) As the episode hastens to a close, we meet the inscrutable TRASK and, what's more, discover TRASK HAS A TASK (and that task is to find out what has happened to Helen Crowley). Perhaps more pertinently, we're given incontrovertible evidence that Emily in fact does have a feeling, it just took her eight years to express it!! (and now Taye Diggs is after her, shit!)

As this Very Important Episode of Revenge comes to a close, resolves are tested, hearts are broken, and wills are reforged into something colder than iron and harder than steel--but the next time your number comes up on that big, karmic wheel, Fauxmanda, maybe just let the necklace go...?

Topics for Consideration: Gantz: The Suffering of Ealstan Stinky Boat Bed THE NECTAHS: Curse of the WereSouthie Ashley and Her Sizable Bag of Tricks of Many Pockets. Conrad Grayson: Road Warrior The Food Pon Farr Jackting! LMS or "Lobster Monger Syndrome" The Adventures of "Blunt Trauma" One and "No Feelings" One, an Emily and/or Emily Amanda and/or Amanda story.

Target Status:

revanched

Direct download: Revengecast_S02E14_-_SACRIFICE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:34pm EST

revengecast300

Listen Up!

Let’s talk about unions! Despite their vulnerability to venality, I think we have to acknowledge that unions are one of the exceptionally few forces the American worker has acting in their favor in this hardscrabble economy, for example—

Oh wait, we’re not talking about those unions. We’re talking about the ones where you get married on a beach to a woman who you've been deceived into believing is your long-lost childhood crush (and at this point, she appears to have started believing the hype), or where you coldblooded X-out a mean business lady/ancient lich of timeless evil who’s menacing your beautiful baby boykin, or where you visit the unmarked grave of your dead sister who was kidnapped and addicted to heroin and is definitely for real dead now, okay Aiden? Can we like go home already? Because I am not spending the night in Jersey-FUCKING-City, I don’t care if they finally got a Barcade!

With treachery in the air and the stakes soaring ever higher in this already fraught world of beachfront marriages and waterside casino development, Nolan exhibits a seriously déclassé attitude by outdressing everyone at Jamanda's wedding, Danny relives his college days by taking a surreptitious nap during Helen Crowley’s Capitalist Imperialism & Forbidden Blood Magicks 101 seminar, Conrad discovers viagra’s got nothing on the veritable priapism induced by some all-natural wheeling and dealing, Anders sits alone on a boat wondering what Starbuck is doing and why she’s so great (aren’t we all?), Victoria recoups her losses from Ashley’s ongoing Game of Burns by delivering a severe dose of lead poisoning, Padma keeps being whatever, and Aiden makes some of his squintiest faces we’ve ever been privileged to as he demands you RUN THE PROGRAM RUN THE PROGRAM RUN THE PROGRAM. All this and more on this thrilling (comparatively! considering it’s set right in the middle of bland-ass Season 2!) episode of Revenge!

-Dave

The movie I was trying to think of was Blow Up (1966), but I also completely mooshed the plot together with Peeping Tom (1960). Blow Up as we all know from film school is by Antonioni and is a dialogue with and rejection of (neo)realism and the notion that a filmed image is an unmediated representation of empirical reality. Thanks to his sister's horrifying death Aiden is getting an education in viz studies! Next hes gonna be all like GUYS do you even KNOW about the panopticon? 

TRIMPS!

-Graz

Topics for Consideration:

#OniConrad Nolan is the janus figure/ sexual mercurial angel of sexuality - Amanda "Oops-Upside-Your-Head" Clarke Vincent Denofrio-Vaughn THE SCULLY BOX The Titular Blank Check Baby Carl’s Adventures with Aunty Chorcolate and the Elf: The Time I Got Rubbed On Some Cow Udders: A Tale of How I Contracted Mumps. Our upcoming Hamptons Research Project, testing the plushness of the terrycloth robes and getting arrested for trespassing--please look forward to it!

Target Status:

revanched

Direct download: Revengecast_S02E13_-_Union.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:13pm EST

What light in yon window breaks? Why, it's another Revengecast! That's right, it's your boy Dave here to tell you that I edited this episode specifically so Graz couldn't take out all my gross baby voices and/or references to weird breastfeeding subplots in manga (also she's been busy with work and stuff)! After forty-five minutes where we're distracted by Shia Lebouf, The Stallion that Mounts the World, Cat's Paws, and General Vampire Lore, we finally make it to the first commercial break, before which Helen Crowley, aka Lady InitiativeHeart, offers Aiden an ultimatum: kill Victoria Grayson in the next 24 hours or your definitely (possibly, probably, maybe) alive sister will die! What a moral conundrum, gasp!! With such intrigue boasted on the horizon, it's difficult to really sink yourselves into the Nolan and Padma house hunting subplot until you realize they are actually are experiencing the twin joys of house hunting and traitorism. Why you gonna play a Nolan like that, Padma? He never did nothin' to no one. Except Marco. And as we've already discussed, Marco is ANNOYING and therefore DOES NOT COUNT. Chocolate makes a big decision without considering the ramifications for even a single second and Jack and Declan keep existing; it's a good thing the water's out at the Stowaway AGAIN because that means they couldn't wash the boot black and chimney soot smudging their faces, which does them the huge favor of constant, overwhelming pathos when it comes time to sway Creepy Toothy Handsome Man's conscience to their side and, in a gradually becoming characteristic display of Human Emotion, he sells them back the bar so it can continue drowning them in debt like a big, rotting, baby-filled albatross around their scrawny, wiry, chimney-cleaning orphan necks! (luckily, Anders was distracted by a pick-up game of Pyramid at the time and could not stop the deal from going through)

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the country, Revenge sets most of the episode in Los Angeles because, I guess, they wanted to give their CG artists a break from Photoshopping out all that LA scenery that's in all their location shots anyway. Victoria wants Prosser (who??) to buy the Stoneheart Group, Prosser wants Victoria for the sex-wanting-having-makings, Danny wants the Stoneheart Group BECAUSE, Emily wants him to get it ALSO BECAUSE, and Aiden just wants to put a bullet in the back of Victoria's dome but these damn gauzy, all-but see-through, essentially transparent, curtains keep getting in the way and he didn't finish the Golgo 13 tape he rented so he never got to the part where you learn if someone actually can make that shot (if that someone is Aiden, apparently no). If my sister is dies, Emily, I swear to christ, I'm gonna stop forwarding you Vines of this adorable sheeb dancing to 80s pump-up songs.

 

Direct download: Revengecast_S02E12_-_Collusion.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:42am EST

1