Friends From The Internet

Strap yourself in, because this reboot of a revered Tom Selleck/Steve Guttenberg/That Other Guy vehicle (Four Podcasters... And A Baby??) is going to be a bumpy ride!

In this total mess of an episode about a total slog of an episode, after we finish our roundabout promo of Erin's new kickstarter about a VR Puppet Murder Mystery Game, the horses are really off to the races! By which I mean: there's baby sounds till the cows come home and a crapload of general clatter and shuffling and kicking because I still don't have a great solution for micing an entire room in our tiny Brooklyn apartment. Hey, it's just like the old days of Fast Karate in here, where the sound was not very great, the interruptions were frequent, and we accidentally fell into talking about anime (whoops!)

Soundly disproving Erin's(Borrowed) Greater Anime Cyclic Return Theory, Revenge is not a show about psychics (it's also not a cartoon, so I'm not sure why we keep bringing up this thing in the first place??) Revenge IS a show where Victoria always comes out on top, even when you think she's on the bottom. Like, show of hands if you were all "damn, no way Vicky's gonna get out of this public shaming" but then you were like "gosh! the threads of fate are surely intricate and deep as time itself." By the end of the episode, I think we all learned something... but mostly it was episodes focused mostly on many-threaded Conrad subplots are like a many-headed hydra whose many heads expel a sleeping gaze breath attack.

(Noah also wanted everyone to know that those nerdlingers in Stranger Things defeating a Demogorgon with a mere single fireball attack was supremely unlikely)

Also by the end of the episode: Emily does a bummy flip off a dusty car, Jack learns a dark lesson on morality from a certain George A. Romero, Nolan breaches a sacred oath and pays the ultimate price (and gets himself some ulterior smooches in the process), good old Ron Takeda looks into Franchising from Beyond the Grave, Aiden is right back to going Maybe Traitor mere minutes after being declared Definitely Not A Traitor, Victoria is Giving Her Boss The Ole Lightbulb (you know which one I'm talkin' about), and we babble on too long about American Comic Books, a topic none of us can speak on with any significance... but that's never stopped us before!! Full steam ahead! Even in the grips of a limitlessly laggardly liminal space, the Revengecast train stops for no one, because, even in an episode of Revenge where nothing happens, seemingly, actually, everything happens, and we've got just the people to tell you what everything was!

(it's us)

(and the everything was actually nothing)

Topics for Consideration:

Ye Olde Revenge Flim Flam
You're Being A Real Danny About This
Real Housewives of Dune
Conrad's Family Meeting
Waldo Heraldo Faldo
PIZZA. P-I-Z-Z....

Direct download: Revengecast_S03E04_-_Mercy.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:53pm EST

It's the Revengecast so nice we had to... record it in two sessions??? So thanks a lot, in order of importance: my treacherous lungs, the cars and helicopters of Brooklyn, and our upstairs neighbor, the perennial bass player.

But we're not gonna let that slow us down (well, not more than usual) and neither should you! Because... I guess things happen in this episode?

No wait, they definitely do! With the rate that people are wearing pinstripe vests with no shirts all over this island while they talk on their cellphones in public spaces which is very rude, you hardly have a minute to catch your breath! I certainly didn't! Why, I was certifiably gobsmacked by the Danny's constant attempts to undermine Margaux's Margthority, and that's saying nothing of Conrad's sudden reflection on a certain indoor-outdoor structure that is not for the public's use, and this isn't the first time, I've had to warn you plebians about it so get to stepping.

Wait no, don't get to stepping! Or--fine, DON'T listen to me! Just for that, Conrad, for the ne plus ultra crime of NOT LISTENING TO ME WHEN I SAY STUFF AND MAKE GOOD POINTS, I've decided to kill you if it's the last thing I do, I swears it, I 2x swears it, here is my signed affidavit where I state "I intend to murder Conrad Grayson in a spectacular and dramatically ironic fashion, signed below, Victoria Grayson." How could that possibly blow up in my face? I really doubt it should and/or would!

Yes, as the explosive violence spills out into the streets of the sleepy Hamptons (well, one particular street, anyway), the #AidenFaces are so sharp you could cut 4k resolution with 'em and the Collar Watch: Dolphins of Montauk Editions are simply to die for--though, honestly, I could've done without Jack being so weird about his inseam in front of Shallot (and I could've done without Shallot at all, IYKWIM *AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN*).

And hey, if nothing else, you always gotta give that plucky little network drama we like to call Revenge credit for its Efficient Use of Robed Friars on a Limited Budget (I guess they spent all their money this season on that Ferrari which has definitely been mentioned before in the show and wasn't just shoe-horned in as a convenient plot twist), if not its strangely Canid-Focus Conceptions of what constitutes Common Law Marriage.

Hey, it's a Revengecast!

...d-d-d-d-d-do you guys hear something...? 😱

Topics for Consideration:

Tricky Tricks In The Confessional Booth & Other Emily Thorne Capers
Manufactured Murder Meet Cutes
The Jack Porter Ultimate Feeling-Crush Strike
Victoria’s Hissatsu 100% Sure Kill Anti-Emily Device
The Ivan Schwartzmann Debacle

Direct download: Revengecast_S03E03_-_Confession.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:29pm EST

1