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iiiiiit's revengecast! where have we been for a year?? where have YOU been for a year? no doubt waiting, as we have been, for the return of Revengecast! the only podcast that tells you not just WHO put Lisa Simpson in the trunk, by WHY put Lisa Simpson in the trunk.

oh, Emily. you could no sooner discard your persona than you could leave...... South Hampton......? is that what we're calling it now? anyway, the two of you are so clearly intertwined that to pretend it has anything to do with so-called "Charlotte" is pretense at best. Exhibit 1) Nolan's suit. Exhibit 2) Hitting Poor People's Cars With Your Car. Exhibit 3) You Definitely Bought The House So You Can Start Hardcore Crankin' Your Hog In Victoria's Bedroom??? like come on this so-known "Chocolate" doesn't even hit the top ten.

but i know that look in your eye, Armalarm Tharme.... you're bored..... all your lofty ambitions have gone to seed.... and the harvest isn't as sweet as you thought it would be..........

meanwhile on the OTHER side of the [south side] of the island, Jack is officially Probied! that's right our darling dumbass has done the one thing we all knew he would since the beginning: join the cops so he can fix a hideously corrupt system from the inside!! his first act as Corruption Specialist Detective Serpico (Probie Edition): beg his partner not to arrest the rich lady doing drugs because he knows her! there's a big 10-4 salute to you, Jack-o! Declan's crying in heaven...... but mostly because all that angelic grace can't stop him from biffing those ollies??? am i right! put your pads on!!

and on yet another island entirely?? Margeaux and Danny scheme their little spider schemes against one another? or for one another? but not enough to use material evidence of their rival's wrongdoing to hurt them. i think it just goes to show Revenge's iron-clad grip on the concept of Class Loyalty: Margaux's mad at Danny, but she's not "tell someone he woke up in a hotel room next to a dead model and orchestrated a tremendous cover-up" mad at him. rich looks out for rich, even when they mad at each other. it's just that sort of thing.

finally, probably not on an island at all, but an regular degular continental landmass, is Victoria: the only rich person who has ever suffered. and boy is she suffering now!! because she is NOT rich and she is wearing BEIGE, the poorest of the colors. she has spent an estimated 9 months nursing a badass shovel wound on her forehead in a Connecticut(?) asylum. cut off from her She Wolves. cut off from her money! cut off from her very Soulstone itself (Grayson Manor)! surrounded by Poppets and Lisas Simpsons! will she survive?? will she THRIVE?? well..... i hope you'll listen to the episode to find out :3c

Topics for Consideration:

Beard for a Head
Clandestine Sapphic Plans
What Happened To Marta
Yes the Dennis/Mac thing is going to keep coming up i'm sorry if we keep recording more episodes it just is
A Hampton Queen Needs Her Throne :)

Target Status:write us a review on iTunes using this link. it seems like it matters? but i don't really check or anything so you could just lie :)

also we have a mailing list now! Sign up for... uhhh whenever the new DNUASC is coming, that's pretty much it for the moment.

why has this episode (the 1970s movie Time Etranger: Go Shogun recorded live during bd4pp 2020!!) been so hard to pooooooost............i just wanna get it over with cripes........

(for archival porpoises only)

sorry for the bad audio! did i mention i moved cross country in march and have been trying to cobble not just our streaming audio set-up, but my entire life, back together ever since!!

hope everyone is surviving in 2021. thanks for being an amazing group of friends who keep breaking your previous records year after year. no matter how terrible it gets out there, y'all have always showed up 😿

DONATE HERE!

good morning (brew!)

you know the deal! the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge is a podcast where our community challenges graz to determine which anime titles i provide her are real and which are....

....beyond belief....😌

SO HERE'S THE DEAL:

Today! 2 pm! We have bd4pp's mandated Hitman Stream For Charity: Yet Once More Into The No Limit Game!! if you haven't watched one of our "Ducks for Buxx" streams, you can learn all about the Intricate Rules and Channel Lore here

you can also just watch this 4 minute video to get the jist:

And then on Saturday November 8th at 8:00 AM PST its The Main Event!! BD4PP 2020, a 24 hour streaming marathon where we play games in support of charity! This year we're supporting the National Bail Network! more information at bd4pp.com

And hey, remember when Graziella Played Yakuza? well our $2k stretch goal is to begin the follow up Grazielly Playes The FF7 Remake--and you've only got a week to ensure you get the first episode BEFORE bd4pp 2020! check them stretch goals here!

DONATE HERE!

hope to see you soon!

(also if you think i didn't use your titles.... it's because i'm SAVING a bunch for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge FALL 2020 Edition--to be performed live next week on bd4pp!😋)

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i'm gonna skip the bit because tonight on revenge..... it's large victories tempered by little sadnesses. the true heart of the "melo"'d drama is laid bare for us tonight on the television screen. Emlanda Clorne......... for so long we've known you. we've rooted for you.... for some reason not to kill people? why is this still a thing in this show? they forget about everything else all the time why not just forget about that. i would be more mad right now if i didn't remember the finalé of that particular character arc--i.e.: the show, in toto--may as well have been written by us, in podcast form, as fanfiction.

but that's a little story for season FOUR For as long as we've known and cared about Emily, for considerably less time have we we known Aiden, who we do sometimes still call EYE-den (though, mercifully, not in this episode, i think? but maybe, i don't really listen when i'm editing--i wouldn't so much call it "editing", what i do, as it is "edit in the Law and Order SVU DONK DONK sound more often than i should, which is zero.)

so Aiden. right now, he thought he'd be shipping his big old head and his accent all the way back to Anaheim, California, the home of A Disney Place, itself the home of Epicott Center (less sure on this one???), which is a longwinded way of reminding you that Revenge's idea of England is a single street from It's A Small World After All and acknowledging there's something called a "lorry." ah, revenge..... we're not so different, you and i.... 😿

oh hello, panza just came in. she is here because she smelled i had an egg. her favorite spot in our new office is directly underneath my desk. that kind of coziness, crossed with her Big Dog status, melds into a kind of irresistible kryptonite of cuteness, such that i can't say no to her, despite that i am now recognizing, in the process of typing this, that someone has almost 100% certainly sat in the new garden manure. well that's how it goes!!! i mean the fucking world is still burning down around us but i guess we all stopped talking about it because who could sustain that level of verbal unease for more than a whole week--ring ring.... what's that? the ghost of jerry orbach is calling to tell me we're still in a global pandemic overseen by the dumbest minds in modern fascism? cool!! well i'll just remind us all that a deadly virus is what spurred the successful (in the sssshort term😰) commnunist revolution in notable cool game Disco Elysium--possible contender for last year's GOTY(contender.... how the shit am i still on #8.... it's fuckin august dude.... and it's been open in my browser since like... may.... i just can't get over this corndog shit and get it out the door. bro!!!!)

shit, man.... that post is so old i talk about finishing Dark Cloud "recently,"... i have been grafting bits of RE2 and DMC5 onto that thing like plugging holes in a bathtub boat for like 6 months--haha life is so weird now. i used to get upset about things like...... not writing. now i get upset if i stand for more than the 90 seconds my injured back is willing to give me and i end up having to moan in bed for like an hour as a consequence😐anything less than that is more like a head check to see if i'm still alive.)

what about Revenge? well, i can only speak for myself, because Graziella is working her first day of her *NEW JOB* today (👍👍👍) but i think it's a modern masterpiece easily as good as a Kubrick movie but approximately forty times as long. what more is there to say? people call her girl Batman and i don't see why, because Batman sucks. he's like one of the worst superheroes and yet they keep making movies about him and not Blade. why is revenge better? because it has feelings. GIRL feelings! or at least............."girl feelings" as interpreted by an affluent gay white dude so.....that's like....its own genre. it burned very bright for so very long, and quite beautifully at times, for all its lumps.

i don't know why i'm eulogizing the show when i should be eulogizing conrad. but i won't. why? because the episode where he got kicked off the board and wore boat shorts by the pool, exposing us to all his weird and mossy old man leg hair, breaching the social contract. this, plus the Frank Sinatra singing like he's your drunk and cryptoracist in-law at an extended family holiday gathering, thus rendering him In Conflicto Excommunicato according to the edicts of The Purgatoria Duo Decem. which is, naturally, why the wolves are set on him, which is why he dies in a forest by the light of the moon??? hello???

well, like recognizes like, is what i'm saying. this is one thought among a melange of stimuli, as the lone Hoodie Wolf stalks his prey. the lightest whüf of pömade off silvery pelt, shining 'neath silvery moonlight. the dulcet tones of Old Blue Eye and eyes of blue, flashing sagaciously in the dark. that stunted colossus waves as the Hoodie Wolf slinks into the headlights' amber corona. smiling with all the promise of a new beginning, he'll have such precious little time to realize he should've been making peace for the final end.😔🙏

--OF THIS SHOVEL, BITCH!!🤬

is what i would say to victoria, if i were emily, after hitting her with a shovel. it would take a long time and no one would hear it but i would feel obligated to, because i practiced.....so long in the mirror......... waiting............ for this day... to come.😇

Topics for Consideration:

DOCTOR BANKS?!
Metaphysical Daddy Gifts
Single-Rail Danny Choo-Choo
"Spares"
Revenge.... For Me....?

Target Status:

write us a review on iTunes using this link. it seems like it matters? but i don't really check or anything so you could just lie :)

also we have a mailing list now! Sign up for... uhhh whenever the new DNUASC is coming, that's pretty much it for the moment.

(as i conclude this blog, panza is asleep underneath me, and i dare not move, because her little angel paw is twitching against my toes in her sleep🥰it was...all worth it....)

it's revengecast, the only podcast on the internet closing in on covering a full 75% of one specific TV show called Revenge.

so as people who now know approximately 71-73% of revenge, you know that we're in the know!  and people in the know know they don't NEED to go over what goes on in the episode. a guy who looks like Brad Pitt's chin got stuck by 30 bees harasses emily so hard that she discards her Billionaire Power Armor (colloquially known as "money") to accompany him (not under arrest) to the police station set from what is almost certainly a failed multi-racial 90s buddy cop sitcom called Coffee n' Creem. and we *all* already know how easy it is to buy an ear off ear.net--the DARKEST of webs--but not because our politicians or news media are talking about it, am i right?? what's important is this is the moment. it's *the* moment, right. it's all come to this, bro!! all the red sharpies. all the therapists in cargo contains. Mason Treadwell. The Initiative. double infinities. collars. watches. whale cams. spilling bloody marys on people and then pretending to love them for three years while making "shooting yourself in the head with a cartoon pistol" gestures behind his back to your billionaire-slash-pervert friend on face time. the frakking guy because we needed a mid-season enemy of the week! squeak-squeaking your sister and giving her 1000 ccs of Clockwork Orange because you're tired of coming up with good plans. exploding her best friend on a boat that almost had nothing to do with you except for like in a cosmic and/or karmic sense............

but all that being said........ don't you gotta just give it to her? and don't you just you gotta give it to Conrad? i'm so surfeit with emotions i feel like standing and clapping like they do at the end of a play but i don't even do that at real plays because i'm socially awkward and am convinced that any motion i make will cause a crowd of hyenas to descend.** hey maybe i even gotta give it (just a *lil*) to Mike Kelley (or whoever wrote this) because people have been waiting to see Emily on the other side of jail cell from Conrad for a long time. what people? well.... i know two of them!!!! and they're just as happy seeing it now as they did for the first times...................................

motherfucker how is "We Can't Quit.... Coz We Fit" not a Tim and Eric sketch, get the fuck off the porch Aiden, Jack is here with a RING (metaphor!!!!)

so by the by: three cheers, Emalarm! here's to a successful mission with absolutely no repercussions in the near future, especially considering the next episode is the season finale! :)

Topics for Consideration:

Butt Prints
"Little Mao"
The New Franq
Little Miss Born-A-Wretch

Target Status:

write us a review on iTunes using this link. it seems like it matters? but i don't really check or anything so you could just lie :)

also we have a mailing list now! Sign up for... uhhh whenever the new DNUASC is coming, that's pretty much it for the moment.

 

 

 

 

**i did break this rule once.... and only once..... it was the Takarazuka Revue's showing of Chicago and i did it.... because they were incredibly hot.... :)

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that,s right its time for the *ONLY* podcast on the internet that waits nearly a year between installments of its supposedly weekly recap of a serialized TV show--no silly, i'm not talking about Fast Karate Vento Aureo Edition (RIP?? (there's always BD4PP2020( provided we all live that long))). iiiiiiits Revenge(...for david...)cast!

well look a lot of things have changed since the last episode, including some people's names (mine). does that mean, by some strange coincidence, i am thanking the ghost of the fictional character oscar chapman--early 2010s answer to late 1960s transphobia--to thank for my coming out? i'm not saying that's NOT what happened... but ultimately... it was mostly this "Netflix's the Boy 2 The Boyer" tweet that set the whole thing in motion??? wow it's like... kinda weird when you put it that way... thank u... the netflix's the brahms...........😿 ally........😿✊

know who's NOT an ally though? Nolan. why? because he is hacking javier's app which javier has gone to PRISON for (not the app, but hacking) and now nolan's going to fuck up the life of *another* convicted felon??? one who literally bootstrapped himself by the side of your gigantic luxury pool??? real mature, nolan. i guess we won't be sparing you from the guillotine...... unless you come to your jail sentencing tribunal from Batman 3 where they had to walk out on the ice in another one of those coutûré jackets again.... that is.... :3c

BLM;ACAB

meanwhile, somewhere in hoboken, the feds are on the trail! and by the feds we mean Rebeca Stone: Homeland Security and by Rebeka Stone Homelamb Securtity we mean...

EMELY FUCKIN THORNE BABEY

what's our plan? we don't have one! when do we have it? right now in this shipping container we've spur-of-the-moment kidnapped a french billionaire into! deciding that RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW is the better part of valor, Embecca Storne cuts a hastier-than-is-advised deal with Pascale Lemarchale, paying heed to the old adage that a Conrad in the hand is worth two Victoria's bushes which is just patently foolish because we know Conrad's bush is dessicated and sad like dry moss while Victoria's conjures to mind a certain glen by moonlight, downy and soft as a mother wolf's fur......🥰

where to begin and where to end. well, i know one person who certainly is ending a little earlier than normal lately! up high pascale!!

really if you think about emily, conrad, and possibly victoria--depending on how you slice it--are all now billionaires with a billionaire body count. if we simply adopt a "one murdered billionaire per remaining alive billionaire" quota i think we will see results literally overnight!! in that 50% of them will murder the other 50%. they have no loyalty in mundane matters do you think they'd be able to resist madeline stowe. we can weaponize her.... for the good of all humanity..... and if you think no one will fall for it i expect a 5 page essay on why you believe Elon Musk is just a chill science rocket dude and not the blood-serum font from which the dumb dumb drugs are synthesized. come on y'all its 2020 now and Seattle's Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone is curently fucking shit up. love to everyone in the struggle let's tear the whole goddamn system down!!!!😤

thank you to timecrash for sponsoring this episode by donating $50 to a black lives matter-related cause!!! sorry the totality of our vtuber knowledge is barely enough to fill five minutes, and i didn't think graz could handle 5 minutes talking about my favorite arknights because my favorite arknights............ are all of them.... 👼

Topics for Consideration:

Rowdy Trevor: The Bum
"Coming Around Like The Gardner"
Who's the witch??
CDC(o)NCDC
Propeller Physics
Defund Cops Out Of Society :)

Target Status:

if you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. it seems like it matters? but i don't really check or anything so you could just lie :)

also we have a mailing list now! Sign up for... uhhh whenever the new DNUASC is coming, that's pretty much it for the moment.

ooops i meant sleipnir i guess, shrug emoji**

GUESS WHAT BABEY. it's my birthday (in a couple days) so come out to our streaming channel (bossdoors.tv) tomorrow, May 2nd (still not my actual birthday) and let's have fun together on an ALL DAY STREM (2020)

 

 

 

 

 

**but being "the enchanted rope that is tied around Fenrir" sounds like a pretty hot gig for an anime protagonist honestly

It's a new podcast!! I'm sleepy!! The end!!

(a bunch of submissions came in after the wire so rest assured i'm saving them for next time)

wow!! is it really a whole separate calendar year since we did DOWNTOWN NEMURU ULTIMATE ANIME SLEEPYTIME CHALLENGE FALL 2019 EDITIONi guess things sometimes fall through the cracks when you're... me... 🥺

"They're not just going to GIVE it to you."

everyone is sick on this recording, so sorry about the coughing (and the coffee!)!! i totally forgot in the rush of positive emotions that our community raised nearly $5000 for the New Sanctuary Coalition this year. good job, everyone!! you worked inversely as hard as i didn't to put this out two months after we recorded it!!! m(___)m

Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinth of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood!

It's a new pod! Come with us as we explore the worlds of Actual Play via the mechanism of Legacy of Dragonholt, wherein we flex our improvisational muscles and my mixing of audio is put to the absolute limit.

 

 

This one isn't really edited because we did it LIVE for #bd4pp2019! If you'd like to watch the video version this was sourced on, go check out the youtube! Enjoy the finale of Dragonholt which goes!! places!! we did not!! expect!!

If you're just here for the names of the audio files I gave to Ian, brüdder, do i have good news for you!!

It's a new pod! Come with us as we explore the worlds of Actual Play via the mechanism of Legacy of Dragonholt, wherein we flex our improvisational muscles and my mixing of audio is put to the absolute limit.

So Which Ones Can I Choose Again? :3c

 

 

No music this time time because we're in a rush!! Make sure you all come to see our DRAGONHOLT FINALE RECORDED LIVE this Saturday at Noon eastern time as part of our 24 hour charity stream for The New Sanctuary Coalition. More info at bd4pp.com!

UPDATE: if you wanted to know what the robot was actually saying, Nick's got you covered!

I understand with the utmost certainty that is is impossible to understand... that's because it's an ARG! Why not join in with our Discord community (though it might just end up being Nick) to try and solve it? If people are able to get ~80% we'll donate $100 on the spot! b('.')b But be careful... there's some tricky Yokai Factz in there, sprinkled with Friends From The Internet lore that might trip you up!!

Suggest games and learn more about streamtober/bd4pp here, and donate at bd4pp.com!

Sometimes dogs get sick and have acute kidney failure !! Which is why this DOWNTOWN NEMURU ULTIMATE ANIME SLEEPYTIME CHALLENGE SUMMER 2019 EDITION has been so delayed! I'm not going to say don't worry about Panza she's okay, but she *is* doing a lot better than she was four weeks ago! And so, we finally have the time and energy between making her personal pan cream of wheat with boiled sweet potatoes and bits of chicken to record a podcast!

And what's this?? A SNEAKY SURPRISE ATTACK! Listen closely, because on THIS morning brew, the tables MAY turn.

Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinth of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood!

It's episode 9, that i accidentally deleted

Listen Up!

Iiiiiiit's Revengecast, the only podcast on the internet to ask [Netflix's [Renée Zellwegger's]] HWHATIF we recorded a podcast about Revenge like every six months give or take. So that's what we're here to do! Or, to be accurate, that's what we did on, according to my reference notes, Saturday, June 15th and we're just releasing it now. Wow, do I need a better laptop or *what* this noise cancelation takes FOREVER!!

So, Game of Thrones.

Haha, just kidding!

What's happening in the Hamptons? Well, just like in real life, noted industrialists who are poisoning the environment and inflicting countless chronic conditions on the most vulnerable among us are being sternly censured and sometimes even jailed for their crimes!

Haha, just kidding!(x2) They're receiving awards from green energy foundations (just like in real life). Enter stage or (DERBY!) left, noted billionaire poisoner, Luke Gilliam, whomst we discover is really just an SVU-style ripped-from-the-headlines version of this weird turtle man Graz is obsessed with. Who was that?? Didn't catch the name. But be careful out there, Mr Gilliam, because the Ecological Alliance Front just might make your NEXT pretend swig of hazardous chemicals your LAST one. :3c

And also by the way Jack still has a bone to pick with the ultimate culprit of his young brother Declán's death (in a leather jacket)--THE PLANET EARTH.

Blah blah blah, something something something Javier (in a leather jacket). We're treated to a full frontal of an AI clone that somehow knows what shoes you wanna buy and all you have to do is scan your brain and presumably get photographed by that absurd camera rig from the matrix. Yeah, okay. Gross violations of privacy aside I'm definitely convinced that Javier can pull this technology off, given this was written circa the shitty Tupac hologram and years before Alexa would ask us "I didn't catch that, did you ask me to search for DragonForged Dildo Sales" NO ALEXA. I ASKED YOU TO SERACH FOR DRAGONFORCE DILDO SALES. Hey remember that song?? It came out around this time, maybe! Or several years before. But in the timeliness of Revenge (and Revengecast!), all things are worth waiting for. And thus, Emily has made a pact to experience no contemporaneous speed metal until her father is avenged. Which is too bad because Javier has a minidisc mix that he'd really like to share with her--which is what I WOULD say, if I remembered if those two characters had ever interacted with one another.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the FOOD WASTE, Aiden is throwing Nolan's thoughtful gifts in the trash because god dammit it's a stakeout not a SHWARMAout and anyway who is that attractive and well-stacked lady? Why, it's presumed-dead journalist Oscár ChapMan, currently living her best life as Brenda(á). Wow, taking billionaires to task AND shattering gender expression, all in 2013? Guys, was Revenge actually secretly woke????

Topics for Consideration:

Hickenlooper?!!?
Harry Potter Zombie Compass Dick
Fixed Perspective Camera Fetishes
Baby Mini V
THE BLACK SHARPIE

Target Status:

THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE.

If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

Also we have a mailing list now! Sign up for... uhhh whenever the new DNUASC is coming, that's pretty much it for the moment.

gabba gabba GET IT

Iiiiiiiit was my birthday, and I didn't have to pick it up the phone! Know what I *did* have to do though??  The DOWNTOWN NEMURU ULTIMATE ANIME SLEEPYTIME CHALLENGE SPRING 2019 EDITION! And this time, for AllDayStrem2019, it was LIVE AND DONE IN FIVE.

Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinth of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood!

 

It's a new pod! Come with us as we explore the worlds of Actual Play via the mechanism of Legacy of Dragonholt,  wherein we flex our improvisational muscles and my mixing of audio is put to the absolute limit.

One Extended Yeet

 

 

the tracks used, in order, are:

First Step In The Big City, Fun Adventure, RPG Lost In Time, The Swarm Approaches, Depths, Accion, YOU BETTER KNOW WHAT THIS TRACK IS, and, as always, The Empty Road by Hitctrl.

gabba gabba GET IT

Listen Up!

It's Revengecast, the only podcast on the internet that loves you enough to put a show out on Valentine's Day, setting aside the obvious irony where the LAST episode of Revengecast was put out closer to 2018's valentine's day than this current one.

Okay so let me catch you up as best I can while revealing--we believe in full disclosure--that we recorded this podcast like two weeks ago and the only reason I'm getting around to posting it now is because the grindiest event in the grindiest mobage, Granblue's Unite and Fite, is has just begun, and so for the foreseeable future my desktop will looks like this 24/7:

and I'll feel MARGINALLY less guilty about spending the next X hours of my life hitting the same 5 buttons every 3 minutes if I work on a podcast while I'm doing it!

SO ANYWAY. Revengecast. Remember Mason Treadwell? Of course you do, he's the attache case to the stars! The chaise lounge of the rich but not particularly famous. At the moment, Mason is vewwy, vewwy sad because prison doesn't stock his favorite skin exfoliants in the commissary, and trying to make that skin sparkle with a (soon to be) patented combination of Vics Vaporrub and Top Ramen flavor sachets was NOT having the desire effect. So, he decides he should--nay, MUST!--make his voice heard. Taking to the streets (or, the visitation room), he pounds his chubby fists on the table with a strident refrain of "JUVIE BOY WANNA LOBSTA! JUVIE BOY WANNA LOBSTA!" until Emily gets so fed up she pockets the sharpie she was gonna give him to black his hair and says IF YOU WANT YOUR DAMN LOBSTER SO MUCH JUST STICK IT UP YOUR ASS.

You know what they say, you can take the Juvie Girl out of the Juvie but you can't take the Girl out of the Juvie Girl.

Mason replete with his reporter's intuition and Hemmingway's inherent misogyny, immediately deciphers Emily's message as a veiled threat--"his ass" obvious code for "Victoria." If you want your lobster... DON'T YOU DARE... "stick it up" .... aka "make a phone call to" in Welsh slang... Victoria?? Well we'll just see about that! Because this Juvie Boy gets two phone calls... a week. But when Thursday comes you better watch out, Armalarm Tharme!

Meanwhile on the other side of the ATLANTIC Emily and Aiden stop by what appears to be the Little England attraction of Disneyland Britain's It's A Small World ride, where Aiden's mother has taken up a hermitage, unable to bear the slings and cabbages of her neighbors, who for the past two-odd decades have been calling her a "Right Pip Pip Terrorist-Wedder, Innit" among other unprintable phrases that appear to be referencing sodden french cheese in a derogatory fashion?

Meanwhile back on the OTHER other side of the Atlantic, which is (technically) where we started, Nolan's got his OWN trouble a brewing (for once) and (also for once) it doesn't involve a weird sociopath. This time it's just a regular sociopath, which is what all silicon valley millionaires are anyway, so Nolan should feel right in when Javier tries to get his GREASY PIZZA PAWS all over Nolan's 70% of that (rejected) Black Mirror Script. That's right baby, John Hamm is in talks to star in the lead role and Revengecats is BACK IN BUSINESS. May this ride never end! Which at the rate we're going, it won't until 2050! And by that time that glacier hole the size of manhattan will have collapsed and we'll have BIGGER things to worry about! REVENGECAST REVENGECAST REVENGECAST!

Topics for Consideration:

Extremely Bort
Secret Dumbass Language
Conrad's 絶対領域
Adult Jive, or "The Big Boy Slammer"
Danny One Ups-Manship, Danny-Style

Target Status:

THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE.

If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

Also we have a mailing list now! Sign up for... uhhh whenever the new DNUASC is coming, that's pretty much it for the moment.

 

Zac and Jacob have a full report from James Cameron and Robert Rodriguez' ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL, and it's time once again for videogame chat with Dave and Graziella!

Wow it's been like two months since we did a podcast?? Guess that means it's time for the DOWNTOWN NEMURU ULTIMATE ANIME SLEEPYTIME CHALLENGE WINTER 2019 EDITION and this time, it's There's No Fear In The New Year!

Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinth of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood!

 

It's a new pod! Come with us as we explore the worlds of Actual Play via the mechanism of Legacy of Dragonholt,  wherein we flex our improvisational muscles and my mixing of audio is put to the absolute limit.

All Gnomes Are Jewish Or... Rocks...?

 

 

the tracks used, in order, are:

Enchanted Festival by Matthew Pablo, Buy Something! by CleytonKauffman, Love Theme by peastman, One by pheonton, Tavern by yd, Hometown by SubspaceAudio, JRPG Piano by Joth, The Old Tower Inn by RandomMind, and, as always, The Empty Road by Hitctrl.

If you missed BD4PP2018 (where our community raised over $4700!!!! :o) don't worry! We'd never leave you in the dust, and so here's the audio-only DOWNTOWN NEMURU ULTIMATE ANIME SLEEPYTIME CHALLENGE FALL 2018 EDITION recorded live for the BD4PPs! And *because* it was recorded live it sounds... however it sounds! But I'm sure you're used to that by now~

(and if you'd like to watch the video,  find it here!)

Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinth of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood!

gabba gabba GET IT

It's a new pod! Come with us as we explore the worlds of Actual Play via the mechanism of Legacy of Dragonholt,  wherein we flex our improvisational muscles and my mixing of audio is put to the absolute limit.

SURPRISED?? TWO DRAGONJOLTS IN (nearly) TWO DAYS? WELL JUST BECAUSE THE LEGEND OF THE STONE MUST BE TOLD.

 

 

the tracks used, in order, are:

Soliloquy by Matthew Pablo, Town 01 by Fantasy Musica,  Curious Critters by Matthew Pablo, Fun Adventure by HitCtrl, City 03 by Fantasy Musica, Shady Dealings by bart, some random thing from that lawyer game (don't sue is capcom???), Tavern by yd, Sunflower Valley by isaiah658, Enchanted Festival by Matthew Pablo and, as always, The Empty Road by Hitctrl

It's a new pod! Come with us as we explore the worlds of Actual Play via the mechanism of Legacy of Dragonholt,  wherein we flex our improvisational muscles and my mixing of audio is put to the absolute limit.

Always Caulk The Wagon =^-.-^=

 

 

 

the tracks used, in order, are:

Soliloquy by Matthew Pablo,  Main Menu - Dream Music by Hitctrl,  Village Music by Hitctrl, City 03 by Fantasy Musica, Lonely Witch by HorrorPen, Depths Part 1 by pal.zoltan.illes, Recent Changes by Arthur, accìon! by djsaryon, Sunflower Valley by isaiah658, and, as always, The Empty Road by Hitctrl

gabba gabba GET IT

 

 

 

 

(you are already GOT IN THE FUCKIN FACE, KYRIC)

No one will understand this and I was gonna put links but it's funnier if i don't?

It's a new pod! Come with us as we explore the worlds of Actual Play via the mechanism of Legacy of Dragonholt,  wherein we flex our improvisational muscles and my mixing of audio is put to the absolute limit.

Trapped in the fantasy world with my cellphone and also i'm a cat?? =^o_o^=

 

 

the tracks used, in order, are:

Soliloquy by Matthew Pablo,  Main Menu - Dream Music by Hitctrl, Sad Song by HarvettFox96, and Buy Something! by CleytonKauffman, Stepping Stones by Matthew Pablo, and The Empty Road by Hitctrl

gabba gabba GET IT

It's a new pod! Come with us as we explore the worlds of Actual Play via the mechanism of Legacy of Dragonholt,  wherein we flex our improvisational muscles and my mixing of audio is put to the absolute limit. If it sounds like crap it's because of the air conditioner TERR'BLY SURRY GOV' m(__)m     the tracks used, in order, are: Soliloquy by Matthew Pablo, The Little Big Adventure, Fun Adventure, and Maw of the Witches Den by Hitctrl, Little People at Work and Lonely Witch by HorrorPen, Village Music  and The Swarm Approaches by Hitctrl, accìon! by djsaryon, Lost in Time by Hitctrl, RPG Battle B by cynicmusic, and The Empty Road by Hitctrl

No excuses this time, it's just slow coz we're slow! But no longer! It's officially time for the DOWNTOWN NEMURU ULTIMATE ANIME SLEEPYTIME CHALLENGE SUMMER 2018 EDITION! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinth of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! With these things I have a note that says "Always include a Fate title real or fake," and I both don't think there has ever been an anime season where there wasn't SOME Fate thing, and I also don't think that I could ever write an anime title that rivals what Fate titles actually are IRL. You think you could do this stuff, that anyone could do this stuff, but it takes a very specific kind, I guess.

UmU

By the way! Did you know we have a tinyletter now to use for the purposes of reminding people when things like this come up so it doesn't get lost in the overwhelming onslaught of sadness and strife that is the modern social media feed? Sign up at https://tinyletter.com/yfi and don't fear I'll spam you to death with it, because I can't think of anything interesting to write in it otherwise!

It's a new pod! Come with us as we explore the worlds of Actual Play via the mechanism of Legacy of Dragonholt,  wherein we flex our improvisational muscles and my mixing of audio is put to the absolute limit. Featuring the community collaboration of discord members Timecrash, DG_Nick, and DunkmasterKyouko for this really bad bit that YES OF COURSE I'M GONNA KEEP DOING IT WHO DO YOU THINK I AM.

 

As surprising as a Majima Everywhere, it's time for Graziella to Tell Us Everything She Remembers From Nearly A Year Of Playing Yakuza Kiwami!   By the way! Did you know we have a tinyletter now to use for the purposes of reminding people when things like this come up so it doesn't get lost in the overwhelming onslaught of sadness and strife that is the modern social media feed? Sign up at https://tinyletter.com/yfi and don't fear I'll spam you to death with it, because I can't think of anything interesting to write in it otherwise! Also we have a discord! oops, I'm supposed to mention that more!  

FIRST! Zac and Jacob return to the maddening world of DARLING in the FRANXX, PLUS FLCL2! THEN: Dave and Graziella from Friends from the Internet are back for 90 minutes of our E3 Game Show! It's all videogames! C'mon in!

(for YFI listeners, Graz and I show up at the 56:00 mark)

Listen Up!

It's Revengecast, the only podcast on the internet willing to give you the STRAIGHT POOP on Jeanne D'Arc (Dark (or, "Jalter")'s VITO SPLENDIDO and YES I DID LOOK THAT UP, GRAZIELLA.

So what's going on with the island these days? Oh who fuckin knows. It's more complicated than Lost up in this piece. By which I mean relationships become fractious over the slightest amount of misdirection from known untrustworthy sources for the sake of drama and then resolve and reconcile within the span of the next scene. In this, our shortest Revengecast to date, I'm not really sure what we talked about because we were so worn out that I'm not sure we talked about anything at all. Look I'm really upset that we, with the subtraction of gacha journalism, for the first time have recorded a Revengecast that's shorter than the episode length itself and for some reason that's getting me really emotional. Also, I'd make a joke here about not having time to finish this blog post because I have to grind my Revenant Weapons before the Guild Wars event ends but y'all know I finished that last night already.

Huh.... we talked about Rage of Bahamut last time too, I guess...

Topics for Consideration:

Stephanie or Stevie
Enrich MY DICK
CHARLOCALOID.
Cheap Imitation French Whale Cam

Target Status:

THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE.

If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

Also we have a mailing list now! Sign up for... uhhh whenever the new DNUASC is coming, that's pretty much it for the moment.

Belayed by three weeks of indecision and laziness, not even the cataclysmic arrival of the dread GENITORI can stop the DOWNTOWN NEMURU ULTIMATE ANIME SLEEPYTIME CHALLENGE SPRING 2018 EDITION! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinth of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! Watch out folks, because we got some real hum-dingers here, and what starts out as a commanding lead quickly because something else entirely. The winds of fate are fickle, Seaman Graziella, especially when our usual rogues gallery of contributors are at the helm!! >:o (also i'm serious about stealing that reverse werewolf thing no take backs :3) and remember what Ken Levine taught us, there's always a man, there's always a lighthouse, there's always DAMN IS THAT CATGIRLS ARM A BOAR I LOVE FATE NOW   By the way! Did you know we have a tinyletter now to use for the purposes of reminding people when things like this come up so it doesn't get lost in the overwhelming onslaught of sadness and strife that is the modern social media feed? Sign up at https://tinyletter.com/yfi and don't fear I'll spam you to death with it, because I can't think of anything interesting to write in it otherwise! Also we have a discord! oops, I'm supposed to mention that more!

It's Revengecast, the only podcast on the internet we occasionally remember to record and release!

What's going on on the island this time? Well let me tell you what's NOT going on on the island... of MANHATTAN! Because that is where we supposedly are and yet that is in no possible universe where we actually are perhaps to the greatest extent it's ever been aside from all the times they forget to crop the palm trees out of the frame.

Information is the seat of power, they say, and thus Voulez is the base of this pyramid, which takes place primarily there and, as intimated above, definitely at the Metropolitan Opera House which, as Victoria Grayson herself says, absolutely cannot afford any wild cards, especially not ones potentially named Amanda OR Fauxmanda (actually just kidding Vicky isn't operating at anywhere near that level and Graz is out at some Court Watch Public Action Keep The District Attorney Accountable Thing and so she can't stop me from saying for a third time that Victoria is definitely sniffing up the right tree with the wrong ass... or... it's the right tree and it's the right ass in as much as it's her ass but normally you don't sniff at trees with your ass is my point and thus the metaphor is... Hey look man my metaphors aren't on trial here and anyway I'm just trying to distract you from the severe bummer that is the Tragic Plight Of The Hokkaido Wolf and besides that it's been a long week?? ...the week we recorded this... which was not this week...

Occasionally we're at Nolan's house with his new roommate, the rejected extra from Swordfish staring Halle Berry and we get to see Jack in a cave man suit which is always nice.

SAY BYE PANZA. 

Topics for Consideration:

Gatcha Edging
Much Like Nico
"Just Let Me Have This One Thing," The Jack Porter Story
QWATASHI QWAA
Them Chubby Elf Cheeks :3
Please Don't Take My Blood, Zucky

The stunning debut of Bugs (featuring Filomena)!

It's Revengecast, the only podcast on the internet with the temerity to split a podcast about not-so-hit TV show Revenge into two episodes! And geez, with the amount of Patrick we're dealing with her, can you blame us???

 

Aw I'm just funnin' you Pod, you're all right. But I will need you to board this jet to Italy, send your minority report holo-message to Victoria, and never, ever look back.

 

What else is happening? Preferable stuff that doesn't involve Patrick or trying to redeem Patrick or trying to pretend like anyone watching this show could possibly care about Patrick or trying to act like there's some sort of moral equity between what Nolan blundered into (accidentally revealing his monster father) versus what Patrick blundered into Nolan (q.v. blunt objects referred to in episodes prior). Well if you can't stand all that stuff above--and we sure won't!--how about a little bit of the old Drown-itis! Because, as we've discovered, I think, kind of, that's the only way to get your memories back on this GD island (I guess it is near the sea) or achieve any sort of spiritual or emotional closure (tell that to father paul, am I right :o) and that leads us to dark truths about the practicality of Ronald Takeda's revenge plan vis-a-vis his revenge teaching method that leaves a lot to be desired and, frankly, practically ends the podcast right then and there. Some truths are too galling. 

 

Also Stevie Grayson is here.

 

Topics for Consideration:

 

A Sprinkle of Patrickprika

Remember Mad Men?

Poor Person Pride (PPP)

STEFANO LEONE!

As mentioned on the pod, we have a tinyletter now to use for the purposes of reminding people when things like this come up so it doesn't get lost in the overwhelming onslaught of sadness and strife that is the modern social media feed. Sign up at https://tinyletter.com/yfi and don't fear I'll spam you to death with it, because I can't think of anything interesting to write in it otherwise!

Also we have a discord! oops, I'm supposed to mention that more!

It's Revengecast, the only podcast on the internet about the television show Revenge where we don't actually talk about Revenge, and I'm finally free of the curse laid upon me by an ancient mummy!

Topics for Consideration:

Willy Wonka’s Unethical Gacha Machine
Square Square Hold Square
Trundel-chan????
The Law & Order SVU Of Manga

 

2017 was a HUGE year for video games, so we've got a HUGE podcast counting down our Top 5 Games of 2017, featuring Dave and Graziella from Friends from the Internet, Dustin Bailey, formerly of This Week in Games, and Heidi Kemps currently of This Week in Games!

Recorded *LIVE* during #BD4PP2017, it's time for the DOWNTOWN NEMURU ULTIMATE ANIME SLEEPYTIME CHALLENGE POLAR GRAVITATION LINGUISTIC GRAVEYARD XRD EDITION 1.0.1 PATCH FALL 2017 EDITION!

Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinth of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood!

Time slips through our fingers 25 hours at a time. In this life, you wake up at 8:30 and you go to bed at 8:30 and the time between is but a gauzy dream. Kicking off our 2017 charity drive for Planned Parenthood (wherein our community raised $4200, woah!!) Graziella, the enduring champion, weathers an onslaught of BlendS, "like" potions, HUMAN TRIANGLES(?!). What's that?? The appearance of an OLD RIVAL shakes Graziella to her core and, like tossed dominos spinning in the air, the future becomes more tenuous than ever. Is this the end? Will Graziella survive the conflagration of this desolate windswept moor we call "the battleground of life?" What's more, will she triumph? Find out now, on The Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge Fall 2017 *LIVE* Edition!

(also I'm glad we had the video to grab audio from, because iphone voice memos appear to just flip on their aggressive noise canceling every single time now! So instead of "we sound like we're time traveling underwater for 28 minutes straight" you just had to endure some intermittent spots where the noise reduction couldn't tell the difference between our voices and the room noise. And THAT'S what we in the "business" call a *win*. b(o.o)b)

Listen Up!

It's Revengecast, the only podcast on the internet that *KA-THUMP-KA-THUMP-KA-THUMP-KATHUMP* 😡😡 GENGNGHRMMMM😡😡*sound of: flailing arms and sexy make-up application*😡UBLUHHBBLUHHHBLUHH😡 ...oh wait charlotte is still in this show...?? 😡😡*KA-THUMP-KA-THUMP-KA-THUMP-KATHUMP*😡 😡*sound of: THE WORST FOE LIES WITHIN THE SELF* 😡HRHHHGHHRR😡*KA-THUMP-KA-THUMP-KA-THUMP-KATHUMP*😡😡 *sound of: YOU DON'T KNOW ME NOLAN*😡😡 Topics for Consideration: Conrad's Many Pie Fingers Rage Makeup The (not so) Dark Knight Returns Morality Time Bomb Bonking Hazards Innovative Bio-Digital Fungal Storage Solutions Nico...🙅‍♀️Go Away🙅‍♀️ Target Status: THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE. If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

Listen Up!

It's Revengecast, the only podcast on the internet that takes two months to tell you what happened two days ago in a TV that went off the air two years back and, as if to add self-interested insult to our laggardly delay, we specifically recorded this to remind you that our 24-hour charity stream for Planned Parenthood is coming up on November 4th!   But also, Revengecast! It's been a while! What to catch you up on? Well, let's see, this so-called "Chillcast," proves to be anything BUT as we dip our toes right into Emily's long-held fantasy of boudoir cauterization. Oh, would that it were my long-lost love that were holding this red-hot poker, Niko, and not the daughter of the man who my long-lost love murdered. What was that? I didn't say anything. MAKE WITH THE CAUTERY, MURDER NURSE. It's just not Emily that's feeling the stings of a love lost (which is definitely not actually burgeoning sepsis). Why, Notorious Slime Lizard Conrad Grayson's so heartbroken in the departure & wrongful police pursuit of Lydia Davis--that, again, he planned to have happen, but it didn't happen in the way he planned it to have happened--and throwing away first editions of rare poems like Allegories R Us is going out of business. Likewise, Margaux is stripped from her Common People (Like You) bliss to discover the wrenching loss of control that happens in a publication when your under-paid, under-appreciated assistants are forced to accept task rabbit side gigs from the aforementioned Slime Lizards, bent on fomenting and resolving their own libel cases faster than an afternoon nine on the golf course, just to make ends meet. Boy, running a magazine sure is tough! And Margaux's not the only one who wants to sleep with Common People (Like You). Who else is sauntering by this big old horse triptych we call life? It's Sarah Marie Clemenzo Marciano Soprano Mikey Sonny Vito Corleone Paddingtonbeara! Who, thusly elevated into high society, just wants to sip her powerade by the pool in peace without the constant interruptions of the housewife (Emily) whose househome (Grayson Manor) she's wrecking by sleeping with her househusband (Danny). Is it too much to ask for a girl from the other side of the tracks to make a nice Càprésé Sàlàd and Pàstà Prïmávérà for her infidelitous beau without her mom showing up to put her doughy hands on her dowdy hips and talk some jibber-jabber like Sarah Marie Clemenzo Marciano Soprano Mikey Sonny Vito Corleone Paddington Bear I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO BE A HOME RAKER. :< Maaaaa! >.< She's snowing you! >.<; She's snowing you right into ruining our romantic dinner--and after I made all this nice GÁBBÁGÖÖL and everything!!! >.<;;;;;;; Would that we all had long-suffering mamans to watch over us when we're straying from our moral compasses, maybe then we wouldn't have to BURN OUR BULLET-RIDDLED TUMMIES WITH SEARING CAST IRON so we could resume our CONVOLUTED REVENGE PLANS OF QUESTIONABLE MERIT without the constant interruption of our laughably mortal flesh begging for even a moment's convalescence. Otherwise, Patrick, digging a little too deeply into matters beyond his ken, peels back the flesh of Victoria's weathered scars, forcing your humble Revengecast to Get Kinda Real for a few minutes, but that never lasts long. In the midst of Nolan and Aiden hurling themselves at mach 5 speed into a Weekend at Bernie's-style comedy of errors) of "keep our new roommate (who is skinning a dozen mangos in the kitchen right feckin' now 😬😬😬😬😬) from discovering the murder weapon that killed her father--which why did we hid it RIGHT UNDER HER BED again???" we receive a bit of fan service in an extremely brief acknowledgement that the show remembers <ERROR*DP-01*CHARACTER*NAME*NOT*FOUND*PLEASE*CONTACT*A*STAFF*WRITER> existed at some point in the chronology and people, whether in-universe or the viewers at home, might still care about him, but I wouldn't particularly lose sleep over it. In the Charlotte, we assume, is no longer in this show. REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST! (make sure you visit bit.ly/bd4pp2017 for more info on the streams!) Topics for Consideration: Hiccough Remedies SABOTAUGE! >:O Bitsy Hopkins and the "Champagne Friend" Big Ben's A-Chimin' I Got Mixed Up, Mixed Up, Mixed Up The Folk Wisdom of Stevedore Portman Target Status: THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE. If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!  

This flimsy excuse for a podcast mostly exists to remind you that #BD4PP2017 is coming and STREAMTOBER starts tomorrow at bossdoors.tv! But in it Dave spoils ALL OF ATTACK ON TITAN so don't listen past the overproduced intro if you care about spoilers for everything UP TO AND INCLUDING THE CURRENT MANGA. (also since I have no illusions about anyone actually understanding a word I said, you can find information about the BD4PP stream here!)

Download here It's YFI! The only podcast on the internet that I'm currently rushing out to get done between work and a friend's weekend-long wedding extravaganza. But that's neither here nor there!! Thanks so much to Evan (@vamptvo) for joining us, you can find much of his work on AniGamers and my sinceristy apologies for not editing down that Maison Ikokku blather into a tighter bit but like I said I am EXTREMELY HARRIED THERE'S SO MUCH LEFT TO BE DONE TONIGHT AND NOW A SWITCH IS HAVING POWER INPUT ISSUES AND CANT DECIDE BETWEEN 110V AND 220V OH MY GOD I'M GONN D If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv!  

Listen Up!

In this episode of Revengecast, we're really rushed to publicize that Evan Minto is going to be doing a special episode of #YFI with us this Thursday night (so get us your questions to questions@bossdoors.tv!) which is to say: I do an even worse job leveling the audio than I normally do and I know what you're saying "an ounce of mic discipline is worth a pound of single-band compressor+hard limiterx4 then normalize" but if I learned how to do that, like Homer Simpson and the wine-making course, I fear I'd lose the space in my brain where my encyclopedic knowledge of MMO loot tables lives?? Iiiiiiit's Revengecast, the only podcast about the only show where bullets shoot you so hard in the ova you can't have babies no more. And if you're worried I just ripped the major punch of the episode wide open... Well I kinda did... But luckily this episode is FULL of punches. Like when Jack punches Danny, or like the two Niko [Robin] (i guess we're calling her that?) lands on directly on Emily's gun-shot ovas to convince her to "man up" (her words not mine okay???) and stop pussyfooting around the memory of her father, "the great warrior," Ronald Takeda (okay so I don't remember if she actually said "man up" but she definitely said that). But enough about Niko and her bizarre and ill-fitting insertion into the otherwise rigid and unimpeachable Revenge chronology, we're "Note-lan" a few things all over this island!!! Like wondering why Danny is bumming around at Voulez sporting a fresh shiner and also going to the stowaway and acquiring a fresh shiner and also stalking and/or menacing Sarah Catamantello(-Paddingtonbeara) at her trash hovel-cum-illegal day care-cum-apartment inside a literal construction site instead of standing by his gut-shot (and subsequently gut-punched) wife. As Bruce Willis probably said in that movie--how wude! You know what else is rude? Hitting people on the head with bricks, Patrick! Now, by this point we all know Danny is a fuck, but now we hate Patrick again too?? I swear we just started liking the guy! Well, you know what they say, "you can't force love OR hate," but I certainly never would've imagined that sweet, innocent Patrick, the first (cast-off) child of Victoria Grayson (née Harper) would be capable of sinking to such dastardly deeds. You know what I would expect?  Victoria to rub it in! And boy oh boy, does she ever! Like in two separate scenes because in the first one she's just like "haha you got shot, also have a pastry, also the pastries are a consolation gift for your newfound inability to bear hale and hearty scions of your lineage" and in the second one she's like "haha you got shot, also no pastries this time, also still no babies, also you're pooooor" (not really seeing how that one lines up, but, well, you know). I would also expect Margaux to flip-flop several times about a course of action but I think this is the finest episode to date, wherein two people both convince her to doubt her instincts, to NOT doubt her instincts, and then to doubt her instincts once more. Hooeee, that's a ratio sliced finer than brie cheese! Danny's on the ropes, Emily's on the ropes, Nolan's on Hoarder's for his crippling jacket edition, and you know there's a dark (and possibly sensual) object lurking within the warm, fluffy interior of that innocuous stuffed animal. All this, and the return of everyone's favorite quiz show "Cookie or Candy Bar or Dog Breed" all in the scant span of 131 minutes? Woah nelly! Call us Cobblin' Carol, because we must've needed a shoehorn to pack it all in!!! ANYWAY. FORTNITE IS A VIDEOGAME SO IF YOU DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT SKIP TO 15:00. ALSO I SORTA SPOIL SOMETHING FROM LAST SEASON'S GAME OF THRONES SO SKIP FROM 17:00 TO 20:00 LOOK JUST GENERALLY KEEP YOUR EARS UP I GUESS BUT AT THIS POINT WHO EVEN CARES ABOUT GAME OF THRONES SPOILERS THAT SHOW, as Graziella said three times after we watched the last episode, IS LITERALLY WRITTEN BY FOUR-YEAR-OLDS. !?DetenteCastDetenteCastDetenteCast?! (send us your questions!) Topics for Consideration: The Siberian Husky Rescue Dog Rescue D.O.G. (the p is silent) Sub Zero's Cousin-Brother, Scorpion A Fundamental Misunderstanding in the Italian Localization of Look Who’s Talking FLESH IS GROSS BlueSpine by Cronenberg Eat Your Profiterole, Brian Target Status: THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE. If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge Spring 2017 Edition! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinth of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! She lives her life by one creed: on the battlefield, you never think about what's next. Her code, her motto, her oath. Long is her struggle and, as the sun peeks over the horizon (well, +4 or so hours), battle-hardened and world-weary Graziella awakes from fitful slumber to find her struggle renewed. These seas are turbulent, just like those in the Battle of the Blackwater that cost our beloved Onion Knight two of his sons. But Ser Davos stood strong in the face of grief--and that weird explodey liquid they made a big deal out of but it wasn't it just like Super Oil or something--and so shall SHE. Embroiled in the mists of torment, Graziella is confronted by dastardly foes on all sides. Isekai cafes, anthropomorphic gun girls, humanoid weapons managing their post-office wage slavedom while searching for the true meaning of THOSE WORDS, cat idols, DOG idols, giraffe boyfriends??? What will those animeka think of next?! As a wise Graziella once said: THAT'S SO MUCH STUFF ALREADY!

It's Revengecast! The show that takes us a months per single episode of a long-dead TV show to record and then when we finally do we accidentally ruin the file and take another whole week to record it. But hey, our lack of ability to keep to even a vague and/or general and/or not-completely-meaningless/in-name-only schedule is why you love us!

It is also, not coincidentally, a least a little bit of why we don't we have a Patreon! But hey, we can't all be CHAMBO TRAMBOPS.

So anyway I'm gonna blitz through this as fast as I can because in the 24 hours since this Revengecast was recorded I managed to drop a whole glass (technically it was a mason jar) of water on my computer in such a way that the glass straight up exploded and water got everywhere and let me the first to sorrowfully inform you the AIDRIA TECHNIQUE did NOTHING to save it.

So anyway got some salt about that.

You know what else is salty? THE OCEAN. Where EMILY CURRENTLY LIVES with her freshly delivered pair of bouncing baby BULLET WOUNDS courtesy of Danny who for some reason was upset about being told he was a father (in fairness, because it led to Sara Paddingtonbeara's attempted suicide but wow, talk about burying the lede there Danno). So Emily got shot and we left her out on the ocean for this 6-ish weeks like "???" Only for her to end up on some gnarly-ass fishing boat being basically fine except for her plot amnesia which, thankfully, and yes there is a god, is at least resolved by the end of the episode in a way that almost makes it worth it.

Meanwhile: everyone's got a story about where they were and what they were doing while Emily shot. With the combined powers of Charlock Hound and the reopening of Jashley Investigations (ft. Margaux) we tug taut these tangled tales into a swollen web of falsehood that you can only read one way: Lydia.

Oh Lydia, I'd feel sorry for you if you weren't the worst. As it stands, you're just the bad version of Margaux--equally as hapless and misinformed about your position in the world, but totally supercilious about it. In the parlance of our streamcasts, we summarize this attitude with the acronym "I-M-T-B"

And boy oh boy has there never been a more "IM" for "TB" to be than Lydia Davis. So of course they were gonna put the blame on you, you big, dumb baby--they're Graysons! It was in the cards long before your ill-conceived plan to do the thing that's been the cover art of this podcast for approximately 5 years completely without context. Well, red wine, your day in the sun has finally come! And people can finally know what that climactic shot of descending merlot truly means, except for how we replaced it with the Everything In The World Is Either A Potato Or Not A Potato image like a year ago, so once more for old times!

...oh right in the course of writing this post I forgot that image is always at the top of the post...

Is Charlotte the worst detective who ever lived? What dark secrets does Margaux Lemarchal hid on her nefarious memory stixx?? Will Conrad and Danny ever "Jash" it out or will their tamped rage finally boil over like an overstuffed pot of idaho golds??? Will Graz log on in time to complete her grand company dailies??? I don't know, but I'll tell you one thing: Revengecast is back & it'll never leave you again!

Except for the part where I have to go frantically google "apple care liquid damage macbook air" like six thousand more times before my appointment on Wednesday just in case Apple changes their mind on the subject in the meantime.

!!!!REVENGECASTNTERNVENGECASTRENVEGENATVCAST!!!!

Topics for Consideration:

Eldorast, Wizard of the Blue, Scion of the Seventh Age
Gutshot Triathalon
DARK NOLAN
The Dangers of "Bodycon"
One Degree of YRP
The Beautiful Potpourri of My Supposed Innocence

Oh no, Velvet Crowe! You've saved the world and yet all your good deeds are doomed to the bargain bin of video game history--Looks like it's up to Graziella to recount your legacy for posterity, BIEEEENNNNNNNNNNN!!😖😖😖 😖

Download here Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions!

 

Friends from the Internet Dave Riley and Graziella Mattie join Zac to stare longingly into the void with Nier: Automata. PLUS: Persona 5 and our most anticipated games from E3!

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We are back with Revengecast! BUT FIRST Dave tries to explain why he plays the fire emblem gambling for waifus game to me for like the 500th time. I guess you breed an army of waifus in a fake baby dimension? Or like…maybe you just will them into being then they come from the baby dimension? Future babies. Fighting your wars. Sweet. The one this week is Charlotte bride, but not our Charlotte, she’s just a brides maid. And a dummy. She gets to say i love you to her future sister in-law who she calls her "sort-of sister" but who is really her real sister. Also they’re just called sisters in-law, not sort-of sisters charlotte, its not complicated. Don’t do drugs kids, or at least, don’t do as many drugs as Charlotte did because she used to be top of her class and on her way to college and now she can’t remember what sisters in-law do. Nolan is trying to work Patrick but also trying to get boned because he actually likes him but Patrick is too stuck on Mommytoria. Conrad gets to flex his creepy daddy complex all over the place and Aiden and Emily get off some last minute pre revenge smooches just to make everything sloppy and unprofessional as hell. Takeda is sucking his teeth and shaking his head in the afterlife. Uhhhhh what else, Jack is boring. Margaux is cute. Oh yeah Moriniellonoello/Sarah Padingtonbeara tries to kill herself because the boy she liked then hated then kinda liked again is getting married. Topics for Consideration:

Sarah Paddingtonbeara Daddy Conrad Danny more like Drunky...again Takeda’s racially insensitive loft Mini scuba Sky mall beacon

Target Status: THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE. If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

Download here Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions!

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge Hyperdeluxe Ultramax Live Edition FoF (For The Future) 2017!!?? <Extra Shouty>: Spring 2017 Edition! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! She's on the ropes! Won over by the nefarious forces of S.T.R.E.M., we bring the Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge into its FINAL FORM, the Live Stream! And so, in front of a live studio audience, Graziella is forced into her most dastardly challenge yet, and this time there'll be no "meeting the Anime-chans" to save her! 😑 (and thanks to Nick, you can "watch" the clipped highlight of the stream here, but I wouldn't recommend it because it's just my Final Fantasy 14 character dancing to anime songs for 45 minutes while we talk??? (but it does have the benefit of letting you see the responses from the chat!!) But lo! With the rumbling sound of a idling Fedex truck, a shining star appears as but a glimpse on the horizon. But is does this chance arrival herald salvation or destruction? Does noble Ian appear to help Graziella overcome these cruel odds or is he yet another wolf in sheep's clothing, feigning aid while meting out his own compromising form of justice? In the end, we're forced to confront what we always knew was true: do these hollow victories even matter?? For, in the hallowed halls of the DNUASC only one truth prevails: 😨 When Eromanga-sensei is on the menu, no one truly "wins." 😨

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  Now that I've got some of these writing deadlines behind me (go read my Persona 5 review and this cute cat story I did for Sword and Kettle Press! Also, I've got a submission in for this anthology about tricksters so send me your Dragon Ball Z energy if at all possible!) we can finally focus on what's important in life: a podcast about a canceled TV show that a confirmed 10(-ish) people listen to! REVENGE CAST REVENGE CAST REVENGE CAST What is there to say about Revenge, the show where maladaptive, underpaid mutants scuttle from beneath the floorboards to perform menial tasks for the scornful rich while we're forced to ignore our own comparative plight and instead root for the scornful rich who appear to have some sort of emotional principles, if not socioeconomic ones. Wait am I talking about TV .........OR REAL LIFE??? (Black Mirror Season 4 Coming Soon) No, in this case I'm definitely talking about TV.... or at least our sketchy interpretation thereof! Revenge Season 3 is definitely coming to middle, by which I mean a literal middle, by which I mean this is all build from next week's mid-season finale which, if you'll recall the season's in media res opener, ends with Things Going Perfectly And Exactly As Planned. So before that we got a lot of ducks to get in order! Like, for example, Lydia Davis is not only STILL alive, she's throwing all the fancy dresses off Victoria's balcony (Graz would write "cupola" but I have standards and refuse to cotton to the vocabulary of the rich). Unfortunately, though Lydia proves she isn't above causing a ruckus--and she does get one super-good dress/poor people/servant burn in despite concrete-heavy stares of Societal Disapproval brought forth by the combined might of Victoria and Emily (ship name in this instance: Vicily)--she's also all too willing to prove she isn't above proving how dumb she is, which is a lot. It's a lot dumb. Or it's less than she's dumb than she Just Doesn't Get It. In fact, among all characters who Just Doesn't Get It, I'm hard pressed to think of another who Just Doesn't Get It quite on Lydia's level--except for Margaux, I guess. But seriously who cares about Margaux?? Well, Jack for one! He's really afraid that she's going to get murdered if he keeps liking her. But gosh darnit he can't just stop liking her so he asks Nolan to hack her computer instead (this is a solution???) Of course, Nolan interprets that as "mack" her--or at least I assume that's why because otherwise why would he flounce around in her office waving flowers and working his Trademark Nolan Ross Charm (tm) otherwise? Look, EVERYONE GET READY TO GIRD THOSE LOINS. Emily certainly is, because she's PREGGGNUUUUUNNNNTT---AAAHHHHHH!😝😝😝😝😝😝 Only she's actually NOT pregnant so in reality she's girding those loins all the way to the fake pregnancy bank, because a real pregnancy back would be like "uhhh ma'am, I'm not in the business of calling pregnant women liars, but in this instance that's okay because I can definitively state you are lying about being pregnant, and therefore you're not technically a pregnant woman... But you are a liar." At which point the whole house of cards pretty much collapses, Danny runs off to wed (and potentially re-paralyze) the lovely (if hapless) Sara Caramello-BabyRuth-Rollo-CharlestonChew and live a idyllic existence free of Emily and also Emily lies. WHICH IS A HUGE PROBLEM FOR EMILY WHO'S KIND OF COUNTING ON THOSE LIES ATM. But it's all cool, man! Always Grace Under Fire, Emily dodges the pregnancy bank appointment with a little insider tip to the paparazzi, which has the fringe benefit of giving her yet another opportunity to stick the blame on Victoria (note #1 on Emily's Pinterest board: ASTBOV, in lovely calligraphy (or maybe needlepoint?)), turn Danny against her, turn Charlotte towards Emily (but don't let her bring your baby near those toxic chemicals, Ems, because sometimes Auntie Charlotte gets to smiling like a weird creepy mom in a Junji Ito comic when it comes to mani-pedis, and the nieces and nephews who deserve them), shoot guns while wearing Victoria's jewelry as part of this insanely convoluted plan (hey whatever happened to planting the gun in the trunk and taking the dead guy you murdered six episodes out of a freezer and planting HIM somewhere too?) I don't know. I'm not a Revenger by trade so maybe I don't get it--it just feels like we're so far deep in the Revenge Artistry weeds that I'm not even sure if Victoria's fate represents an actual ironic comeuppance or not? And usually this stuff is pretty obvious, y'know? Oh well, no big deal! Now that Aiden has guided you through the Honorable Japanese Pre-Battle Sake Ritual, with the carafe you stole from Benihana, in your all-purposeRoom Of Many Glowing Candles At Different Elevations, which you ripped off from the Ikea next door to the Benihana (and somehow neither of you said the word samurai like come on??), we all know The Plan will definitely go off without a hitch considering we definitely haven't already seen how this ends with you definitely getting shot in the GD tummy and falling off a boat! SURRENDER. SURRENDER. BUT DON'T LISTEN TO REVENGECAST ALL DAYYYYYY (because it's not even that long!) Topics for Consideration:

The Trials of BabyBoy Grayson Cute As A French "Buttone" The Martha Flaps Doctor Burt RealDoctorRoss, The Doctor of Cable (and also Stage Magic) SkyMall's Ethical Standards DPP vs. SPPP, And Other Questions Good Folk Darest Not Ask Target Status:

THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE. If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

Listen Up!

Iiiiiiit's Revengecast, the only show people on the internet are calling Very Interesting Coz It'sLit (...aka, V.I.C.I.!) Why, you ask? Well I don't know, because maybe like WHAT OTHER PODCAST on the internet is currently hitting you with this hard humor about how rich people have sex on top of Ronald Regan's dead body?? Not 99% Invisible, that's for damn sure! HOLY CRAP, THERE'S SO MUCH HEAT IN THIS EPISODE THE HAMPTONS ARE PRACTICALLY ON FIRE. Which makes sense, because it takes place in the middle of the summer! But we're also talking in the allegorical sense, like how Danny's little Danny (or: Lil' Danno) is going buck wild over renewed opportunity to have much sex with a poor woman whose life (and spine) he recently ruined. Topically, Victoria is also heating up, and I don't mean menopause! I mean the heat where she's like "My master plan absolutely requires this poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks fucks my dumb son." Wow Vickers, growing up as a robot in an upper-middle class inventor's closet didn't do you no ethical favors, huh?? Also it's gross to have a wedding shower where people come out and thank a rich guy for breaking their ankles during sports, there I said it! But look, whatever might happen in this episode (and a great deal of it centers around 3x3 tiled mock-ups of internet shopping that'd be more at home on a late-90s Saturday afternoon Sci-Fi Original Pictures movie), nothing is more important than the climax we basically started Revengecast for, and I could tell you about it, but you know what they say, a picture is worth like a whole shitload of words. So let's post said picture and I'll leave this summary at that: ... ....... ........... .................... WAIT NO I WON'T. Because, finally, we have the ever-present (albeit fairly lukewarm) metaphysical heat of Margaux "The Margaux" LeMargaux popping the collar of her Investigative Trenchcoat and delving into the bowels of things thing that is apparently a case and/or scandal to meet in secret(cy???) with the only person who's got a pair of she-wolf balls big enough to blow this whole town wide open!! (also I know Zoolandia isn't by Pixar now but it's kinda six of one for me so stay outta my mentions about it; honestly I'm more embarrassed I got the 48 Rules of Power wrong) 🎉😻REVENGE CATS🎉😻REVENGE CATS🎉😻REVENGE CATS🎉😻REVENGE CATS🎉😻 Topics for Consideration:

Disgusting Christmas Bread PINS AND NEEDLES, ROHAN Anxious Shower Groans BuyHandguns.BuyDresses.Biz Eat The Jellybeans, Danny

Target Status:

THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE. If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge: Winter 2017 Edition! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! This time, we've refined our strategies and learned from past mistakes. We hit her hard, we hit her fast, and we hit her when she's her most vulnerable (ie: "sleepy"). With The Graziellian Menace on the ropes, it's gonna be a nail-biter of a finish either way, and we still have no idea whether or not it's time to meet the anime-chans??? ;_; Thanks to everyone who submitted their fake anime titles, including Jo, whose company put out this cute visual novel about like tiny princes and dragon wimpy princes--Rose of Winter--you might've seen us play on our last 24-hour stream! Also, don't blame me for spoiling Fuuka for you because I gave you like ten warnings.  If you don't want Fuuka ruined, turn it off when you hear the Diva of the Battlefield (?!Prailine a la Mode!?) embark upon her dulcet croon!

Listen Up!

Don't mean't to scare you, Ems, but there's a new sheriff in town and her name is BIZZY PRESTON. I guess? Or like maybe it's spelled Bissy...? Either way,  IT'S REVENGECAST #NONOTESEDITION!!!! You couldn't paint a prettier picture of the Hamptons in mid-summer. July 4th is just around the corner and what do rich people enjoy celebrating more than things were going swimmingly (like literally, because they were in the ocean (okay but technically i guess they were on a raft)) until that Bismuth B Preston, PR Flack To The Stars, showed up on their doorstep with a publicity plan, a suitcase, and a dream (and a large advance on a colossal invoice). Now it's like all we talk about is "reputation," and "how to reform the Grayson name," and "you kids wouldn't lie to me behind my back about having emotional affairs with poor ex-girlfriends whose chance at a peaceful, productive life was shattered directly by you (much like their spine) over one fateful night and a fifth of Banker's Club," right? Right? You know what they say. You can't spell "business" without "bizzy," and the Graysons paid for the only Bizzy in town and if that doesn't also round up to the best Bizzy in town then I'll eat my hat! Only problem is (aside from the part where Bizzy seems supremely bad at her job): a certain Buzzard Prusten has history with a certain Archibald J. Nolan "Nolz" Nolan The Third. And by "history" I mean a "traumatic and public tabloid outing that rent wide the rift between him and his homophobic father once and for all (just when I was about to bridge it with money, Ems; just when I was about to buy my poor father's love back with all my new money. ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_;) Here's what's really real: I just don't buy Nolan pining for an abusive father that abandoned him except for the fact that Nolan is so incredibly lonely. So, in that sense, the pieces do really fit. In a different sense, once you create a sex dolphin robot and imbue it with a human soul created through mad alchemy--like, quite frankly... Hey, I dunno. Maybe that's fine. Maybe that's normal. I can't presume to say. It's reasonable to say that NolzOne, locked up in the Basement's Basement, and being a real pill about it, isn't holding up his end of the bargain. Emily certainly isn't!! All she cares about is Revenge! And, like, it's one of those things where your friend gets really really into something and you're kinda like "it's cool I guess..."but she's like it's not """coool""" it's called Revenge and um actually??? It's super great? So get on my level, put on the Google Glass, and start Revenging before I officially dissolve this friendship just like your dad did. In this episode of Revengecast, aside from Bizzy Bs and their propensity for "readers," I'm not sure of a whole heck of a lot of merit actually happened. Like I guess it's fair to say that Victoria maybe spent a little too much time Pouncing on Peas to really get any substantive Burn Work done; then again, in that sense we used to say about games like Gigawing, "it's the slow bullet that kills," and I haven't seen a slower bullet than Sarah J. Cupcakes in about an age. I guess it's fair to say that Aiden was excommunicated from the Hamptons (again (again again?)) I guess, you might think, it's also fair to say that a Macaron is not a Macaroon (though it is, perhaps, a "Jackaroon"), but we've all been down that rabbit hole before (and somehow that, plus all his other nebulously terrible characteristics) didn't prevent Jack Porter from getting laid by the Total Wash Of Charisma that is Magaux Lemarchal, whose casually tousled hair  is, and will remain for some time, a thing to behold. AAAH. WE FORGOT TO MENTION HOW VICTORIA SENDS AIDEN OFF WITH A INDEPENDENCE DAY BURN. THAT'S WHAT WE DID. THAT'S WHAT WE FORGOT FORGOT. Topics for Consideration:

STICKY PISTOL Grayson Family Compote Do Bleckards Dream Of Electronic Sheep What Happened To Nemo?? Mme. Bex Delacroix-Taylor-Kreuz The Hunger Games but Kanzaki Nao

Target Status:

THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE. If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

Evan and David sit down to rattle off their favorite anime, manga, and games of 2016, but this time they've got some help from two fellow podcasters: Dave Riley and Joel White from Dave & Joel's Fast Karate for the Gentleman! Tackling anime first, then manga, then games, the four hosts cover everything from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure to Overwatch as they celebrate a year of some pretty good nerd stuff. Topics include: log leg envy, weighted bra straps, and midnight kara-age. Slight spoiler warnings for Erased, JoJo's, and And Yet the Town Moves.

Thanks to Dave and Evan for having us on!

Zac, Dave and Graz from Fast Karate for the Gentlemen and our own Dustin Bailey run down the best games they played in 2016, the Nintendo Switch and 2017's biggest games! The Last Guardian, Overwatch, Final Fantasy XV and much more!

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OKAY SO. I respect you enough to lie to you (at least not completely) so I'm gonna be real as I can when I say that the Final Fantasy 14 patch came out today and I want to do some dungeons, and besides, I'm tried of working with this file because the audio is crappy at points and got all crackly with the sibilance and is that like maybe an error with the sample rate causing these artefacts and does it also have something to do with the fact that the source WAV file is a few minutes shorter inside of Audition than when I just load it up in VLC? Moving on, don't you think I would've learned some of these things in the past decade? Doesn't it make you reflect on what you're doing with your life??? ANYWAY, PARTS OF THIS SOUND NOT SO GREAT. I hope that doesn't detract too much from our sassy talk about NPR Podcasts, Strictly Far Too Close Filial Relationships, Bad News Beach Surveys, and Someone (Probably) Named Sarah in this episode of Revenge where you feel like a lot happened, but reflecting on it you're like "did it?" At the same time, you have to wonder "is that because we didn't go a good job painting our word tapestry?" But that road really just leads to self-doubt, so to stave it off we huff deeply of the perfumes that make up Nolan's budding (and I do mean budding, like a bug or a fungus) sex life with Patrick (because it involves bugs and maybe also fungus) and the gross potentiality of Danny having an affair with someone who Isn't Like Other Girls because she Drinks Beer and Is Working Class. Which I suppose is nothing  new for the people who brought you Jack Porter and also Declan Porter and also Carl Porter and also Their Friend Matt (or was it Mike?) and we finally, finally, finally get the first official meeting of THE SOCIETY FOR THE FRIENDS OF ARMALARM (SANS AIDEN, SO I GUESS NOT REALLY, BUT GIVE IT TIME) But really, I guess, the Mother/Son relationship that veers a little too close to an Arrested-Development-Gag-But-Played-Straight has got NOTHINS on the part where Conrad's real estate broker makes a super bad pun about sex when she says "I love a good master." And I kind of feel like it's sad in that way where it's like "is this just how old people are depicted as flirting on TV or is this the fate we're all doomed for? And who do I ask? And how do I cope when they tell me I'm already there?" Hey look, it's been a hard 2017. But it's about to get better! Because, now that I've got that out the gate, I'm off for some of dat: We'll do better next time! (...proportionately...?) Topics for Consideration:

Resume Gaps Rebecca Stone's Effective Yet Tasteful Wardrobe Sex Brunch Debrief Honey Money Me Time The Cat that Ate the Canary and/or Cream

Target Status:

THIS LINK LETS YOU BUY THE BOOK I WROTE. If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions!

Gary and Kole from [the way, way more popular than us] Bonfireside Chat had me on to talk about the Dark Souls 3 DLC, and it was so rad that we had to talk about it for 4+ hours!

The podcast was. I mean. The DLC was kind of whatever for a lot of it. As described below!

"Gary Butterfield, Kole Ross, and Dave Riley talk about the remainder of the Ashes of Ariandel DLC."

Gary and Kole from [the way, way more popular than us] Bonfireside Chat had me on to talk about the Dark Souls 3 DLC, and it was so rad that we had to talk about it for 4+ hours!

The podcast was. I mean. The DLC was kind of whatever for a lot of it. As described below!

"Gary Butterfield, Kole Ross, and Dave Riley talk about the Ashes of Ariandel DLC for Dark Souls III, and we cover everything up through the Depths of the Painting."

In this episode we go full-on #Bartleby because, given the dour prospects of our already ruinous country, we'd really Prefer Not To. But the world needs humor (maybe!) and, failing that, I guess speaking erratically about a TV show will have to suffice!

(but you can skip to around 30 minutes in if you want to skip the political talk)

Oh the Hamptons, oh 2013, it was a simpler time (not really). Already, reports of nipple-rubbing displays of dominance are resounding up and down the coast of Montauk, and the amount of shirtless Jack in this episode is, frankly, unprecented. But hey, what can you do? With a ButterPersonality like that, you gotta flex those pythons whenever you can, especially when the Wee Baby Coerl seems in direr danger than ever before--menaced as he is by a certain Surprise Englishmun.

(cast Blaster, Couerl! it'll reduce that lickspittle twerp to 1 hp and then daddy's rock-hard nips will finish the job!)

So look, things Hamptons-side aren't so hot either! Given Aiden's Perceived Dubba-Double Cross, he's clearly auditing a couple classes at the Tony Almeida Revenge Junior College, only to all-too-soon learn that 3 credit hours of yelling "MICHELLE!" isn't going to suffice when he's thrown deep into the battle-belly of Conrad's finest Les Mis ensemble rendition you've seen this side of that movie where Russel Crowe pretty much just spoke-sang all his lines.

Speaking of the French Revolution, Margaux's Dreaming a [comparatively low-aspiration] Dream of having her publishing magnate father show up in America for the launch of her magazine. When--BIG SHOCKO--he decides his daughter's distribution debut is beneath him, Margaux stumbles around the launch party in a daze and stammers out some line about him being unable to attend because he broke his "jambe" getting broken "dans l'avion"--basically, the adult version of "my dad, the fireman-slash-president, couldn't come to give a lecture to our social studies class because he's in Canada fighting the Nazis"--and crosses her petite fingers & toes that nobody remembers their high school French well enough to call her on her absurd and easily rebuked lie.

Regrettably, listeners, it is Margaux's cruel lot that her life be as pathetic as it is fictitious, and so it should come as no surprise that not only did Victoria minor in French during her time at Vassar, she also possesses the bat-like hearing and carnivorous blood-hunger of a true Vassar alum. Thus, with the scent of wounded-daughter in the air, Victoria homes in and whispers to a heart-heavy Margaux a mild set of words that just might patch the wounded enfant abandonné's irreparably père-damaged couer that being: "you gotta use that femininity; like, with your body; the sensuality, I mean; it can, perhaps, be a weapon."

And thus, confident with weaponized femininity like when you pick up a rocket launcher in Metal Slug and it goes all "RAWKET LAWN CHAIR" and you're like "wtf this guy smoke before he do this recording??? :o" Margaux strides right out of that office and embarks on a bold and unexpected new life path of using her Femininity in the Weaponized manner (read: booty shake) to make Jack feel bad for standing her up at the launch party (read: in lieu of actually confronting her father). And that's all she wrote! Wow! This shit really works! I got a feeling not a single bad or sad thing will afflict the young Lemarchal scion ever again!

Otherwise, Stuff is Rough! And you don't need me to tell that. Emily certainly doesn't, with the way Aiden's going around being a prick (that being, because he has the hornies for her) and Jack certainly doesn't with the way Aiden's going around being a prick sort-of on Emily's behalf (that being, on the business end of a louisville slugger), and Victoria certainly doesn't, with the way Emily makes her waste whole Sundays on dress fittings which should be a holy and sacred event not something you invite the sweaty poors too--that being, did Emily really have to come? I know it's for her wedding but.......................--and Danny certainly doesn't with the way he, hit harder by these eddying tides than anyone else,  desperately wants to spend his day off watching Air Buddies 3: Space Buddies but he can't because it's child-locked inside a tempting hutch and none of the Martha's will come over to  Emily's beach house to open it for him.

Look, it's not going to be easy from here on out. You know it. I know it. Everyone with anything but a potato perched upon their neck stalk knows it. So let's just try to think about, on the plus side, how many "ships" this episode "christens" (did I use that right??) when weaponized femiWINity of MarGack's flares bright enough for even the upstairs Emily voyeurs to see and volleys its opening kiss gambit straight into the laps of PatLan's "well I don't exactly trust you with all the creepy stuff you did but I guess we're here so let's take our shirts off and see what these nips end up doing."

Oh PatLan, we all knew exactly what those nips were going to do since the very start.

They...

...

...

*clenches fist*

*whispers* ...rub like the devil hisself...

Topics for Consideration:

A Toxic Brew Of Social Misgivings
You Are My Plasma Rifle (But Also So's My Penis)
Victoria's Marinara Trench Backup Plan
Clams For Days
The Feelings BUTTcony
WHO ARE YOU O_O

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge: Fall 2016 Edition!

Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood!

(thanks to all the listeners who submitted titles, I'm pretty sure I got them all in!)

And don't forget, tomorrow, November 5th, is our 24 (25??!?!) hour charity live stream for Planned Parenthood which I can give you my iron-clad guarentee will contain no weird anime about butt fighting.

It's time for our yearly 24 (25?!?!) hour charity video game stream over at bossdoors.tv! You can donate at bit.ly/bd4pp2016, suggest at bit.ly/bd4ppcalendar, and generally find more information over at daveandjoel.com or friendsfromtheinternet.com. See you then!

Strap yourself in, because this reboot of a revered Tom Selleck/Steve Guttenberg/That Other Guy vehicle (Four Podcasters... And A Baby??) is going to be a bumpy ride!

In this total mess of an episode about a total slog of an episode, after we finish our roundabout promo of Erin's new kickstarter about a VR Puppet Murder Mystery Game, the horses are really off to the races! By which I mean: there's baby sounds till the cows come home and a crapload of general clatter and shuffling and kicking because I still don't have a great solution for micing an entire room in our tiny Brooklyn apartment. Hey, it's just like the old days of Fast Karate in here, where the sound was not very great, the interruptions were frequent, and we accidentally fell into talking about anime (whoops!)

Soundly disproving Erin's(Borrowed) Greater Anime Cyclic Return Theory, Revenge is not a show about psychics (it's also not a cartoon, so I'm not sure why we keep bringing up this thing in the first place??) Revenge IS a show where Victoria always comes out on top, even when you think she's on the bottom. Like, show of hands if you were all "damn, no way Vicky's gonna get out of this public shaming" but then you were like "gosh! the threads of fate are surely intricate and deep as time itself." By the end of the episode, I think we all learned something... but mostly it was episodes focused mostly on many-threaded Conrad subplots are like a many-headed hydra whose many heads expel a sleeping gaze breath attack.

(Noah also wanted everyone to know that those nerdlingers in Stranger Things defeating a Demogorgon with a mere single fireball attack was supremely unlikely)

Also by the end of the episode: Emily does a bummy flip off a dusty car, Jack learns a dark lesson on morality from a certain George A. Romero, Nolan breaches a sacred oath and pays the ultimate price (and gets himself some ulterior smooches in the process), good old Ron Takeda looks into Franchising from Beyond the Grave, Aiden is right back to going Maybe Traitor mere minutes after being declared Definitely Not A Traitor, Victoria is Giving Her Boss The Ole Lightbulb (you know which one I'm talkin' about), and we babble on too long about American Comic Books, a topic none of us can speak on with any significance... but that's never stopped us before!! Full steam ahead! Even in the grips of a limitlessly laggardly liminal space, the Revengecast train stops for no one, because, even in an episode of Revenge where nothing happens, seemingly, actually, everything happens, and we've got just the people to tell you what everything was!

(it's us)

(and the everything was actually nothing)

Topics for Consideration:

Ye Olde Revenge Flim Flam
You're Being A Real Danny About This
Real Housewives of Dune
Conrad's Family Meeting
Waldo Heraldo Faldo
PIZZA. P-I-Z-Z....

It's the Revengecast so nice we had to... record it in two sessions??? So thanks a lot, in order of importance: my treacherous lungs, the cars and helicopters of Brooklyn, and our upstairs neighbor, the perennial bass player.

But we're not gonna let that slow us down (well, not more than usual) and neither should you! Because... I guess things happen in this episode?

No wait, they definitely do! With the rate that people are wearing pinstripe vests with no shirts all over this island while they talk on their cellphones in public spaces which is very rude, you hardly have a minute to catch your breath! I certainly didn't! Why, I was certifiably gobsmacked by the Danny's constant attempts to undermine Margaux's Margthority, and that's saying nothing of Conrad's sudden reflection on a certain indoor-outdoor structure that is not for the public's use, and this isn't the first time, I've had to warn you plebians about it so get to stepping.

Wait no, don't get to stepping! Or--fine, DON'T listen to me! Just for that, Conrad, for the ne plus ultra crime of NOT LISTENING TO ME WHEN I SAY STUFF AND MAKE GOOD POINTS, I've decided to kill you if it's the last thing I do, I swears it, I 2x swears it, here is my signed affidavit where I state "I intend to murder Conrad Grayson in a spectacular and dramatically ironic fashion, signed below, Victoria Grayson." How could that possibly blow up in my face? I really doubt it should and/or would!

Yes, as the explosive violence spills out into the streets of the sleepy Hamptons (well, one particular street, anyway), the #AidenFaces are so sharp you could cut 4k resolution with 'em and the Collar Watch: Dolphins of Montauk Editions are simply to die for--though, honestly, I could've done without Jack being so weird about his inseam in front of Shallot (and I could've done without Shallot at all, IYKWIM *AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN*).

And hey, if nothing else, you always gotta give that plucky little network drama we like to call Revenge credit for its Efficient Use of Robed Friars on a Limited Budget (I guess they spent all their money this season on that Ferrari which has definitely been mentioned before in the show and wasn't just shoe-horned in as a convenient plot twist), if not its strangely Canid-Focus Conceptions of what constitutes Common Law Marriage.

Hey, it's a Revengecast!

...d-d-d-d-d-do you guys hear something...?

Topics for Consideration:

Tricky Tricks In The Confessional Booth & Other Emily Thorne Capers
Manufactured Murder Meet Cutes
The Jack Porter Ultimate Feeling-Crush Strike
Victoria’s Hissatsu 100% Sure Kill Anti-Emily Device
The Ivan Schwartzmann Debacle

Download here Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions!

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This time on Revengecast, concerns of timely departures are swept aside as we spend like fifty minutes talking about random junk like Stranger Things, You're Next, Deus Ex, renowned chair orator Clint Eastwood (FOR SOME REASON) before getting to the actual meat of the matter, namely that Emily Thorne dipped one toe too many into the holy water basin and has now found herself embroiled in the highest stake game the Revenge casino has on offer: Kitten or Not Kitten?? Don't let the constantly bemused expression, overwhelming compassion, endless charity outreach, and John Ritter-esque hair part fool you, Emily--that Father Paul is No Kitten. 

Or maybe he is?? Like, after all, that's the whole point of the game! And with a priest's reputation on the line, Emily finds herself surprised by her wavering self-righteousness--oh wait, that's not self-doubt! That's Nolan futilely chiming the Bell of Conscience & Everyday Basic Human Decency in your ear! WARE, EMILY! WARE! TRAIPSE DOWN NOT THIS THORNY PATH OF REVENGETH, LEST AN INNOCENT MAN YE DAMN, AND IN THE PROCESS, SUBMIT YE THY MARRED SOUL TO THE UNBOUNDED TORMENTS OF YON NYOLAN CAT TILL THE END OF THINE DAYS & BEYOND!

Well anyway, regardless of your feelings on a certain Padre Paolo and his felid aspect (or lack thereof), you have to admit that sin is running rampant all over this island. Dresses are falling off shoulders, clandestine yacht deals are brokered, Nolan's developed six new ways to describe hacking since he's not allowed to actually do any of it (and, let's be real about it folks, they're almost certainly double entendres for masturbation), Victoria is making weird implications about where she's going to be during Patrick's honeymoon (it's implicit in her statement), PEOPLE SOMEHOW REMEMBER FRANK EXISTED AND WE KNOW THAT BECAUSE THEY MENTION HIM BY NAME FOR SOME REASON, Conrad is "Getting" "Drunk" at the De Facto Family Summit, if you get what I'm implying (Emily is drugging him, is what I'm implying), and his ensuing grumpiness (and glass breaky-ness) causes a heart-struck Charlotte to seriously consider making a modest withdrawal from the Daughter Bank (that is to say: herself). Like whatever! That threat would've hit a lot harder if it weren't delivered by Ms. Casual Pony 2013. Face it, Charlotte, you lost what little Daughter Cache you had when you traded in your leather tights for yoga pants.

But if ever an arrow could pierce the seam in Conrad's armor, it's the extremely temporary threat of voided daughter admiration, so, after sobering up, his next move is to attain the conscience that Emily couldn't and scoot on down to the rain-washed steps of the darkened abbey in the middle of the night to have his confession heard by a conveniently proximate Father Paul--the Revenge Target (and Possible Kitten) Du Jour, in case you forgot. Yikes! That's a collision course in the making if I ever saw one! And so, as her Revenge mine cart barrels down a rickety track made of joyful puppies held by a perennially scowling Jack Porter, it's time for Emily Thorne to make a decision: KITTEN OR NOT KITTEN???

Topics for Consideration:

The Impracticality Of Robo-Racism "Cooking the Blueberries" The Mysterious Smallventures of Tiny Winona Ryder Moe For Margaux! That Part Where Fight Club Realizes He's Brad Pitt Only It's Emily & She's Every Antagonist In The Show To Date Seen The Vagina Bones On That Boy??

Target Status:

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I know we're all a bit shook by the content of this Shocking Season Three Opener, but, unlike the completely appropriate episode title, have no FEAR! Because, in our first Revengecast with an on-site guest, Kenna from the Going Last podcast is here to guide us through the heady, yacht-cut waters of a rather tummy-rumbling season premiere!

Things sure have changed in Hamptons! Victoria is laying thick smooches on a questionable new Manpanion, Charlotte is decidedly not glowing (if you know what I mean (I mean those straight-ass bangs, am I right?? (looking like someone did her hair with a salad bowl))), Conrad's spending less time governing than he is micromanging the Arctic Glacier specs of his official Gubernatorial Picture of Dorian Gray--also he and Danny are pals again because why not--Nolan is out of prison thanks to his helpful robutts foiling the Initiative once (and off-screen) and for all, and the Stowaway is closed until The Season! Oh no! Where will Emily rest her troubled feet, if not in the churning gyre of Jack Porter's psyche??

Fret not, beloved, because The Season will be upon us sooner than you think! And, with the prow of Victoria's filial reconciliation crashing into the rocky shoals of her cloying possessiveness and Jack returning to deliver Jacktimatums like he owns the place (well, given it's the Stowaway, I guess he technically does!) before being possessed (corporeally, that is to say, not in Victoria's weird velvet-gloved version of Mommy Dearest) by the spirit of Sammy, god rest his soul, to deliver a labrador-style slobberslurp right on Emily's ill-prepared kisser, FEAR is in the air something fierce! And no one's olfactory nerves (and gun-shot stomach!) are more aflutter than Emily's, who displays an astonishing aptitude for multitasking by folding a One-If-By-Land, Twofer-By-Revenge strategy into her Victoria's erstwhile annual Memorial Day bash courtesy of Nolan's shockingly impromptu (or is it??) use of the forbidden Parachute Party Crash jutsu.

But beware! Nolan's not the only one touching ground in a shockingly impromptu fashion. A spry Francophone has alighted on American shores with the flutter of gossamer wings. Why, it's the Best Character in the History of Revenge, Margaux Lemarchal! And if you disagree that she's the best character (i.e. the worst character) in the show, then you're going to have to go through Dave! (and only Dave -ed)

HEY, NOBODY ASKED YOU.

(UHM We’ve somehow missed that Victoria’s balcony is a cupola AND that they call it a cupola in this episode. Truly Revenge reveals more of itself with each viewing. -ed)

AAAH CAN I TALK ABOUT MARGAUX FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS WITHOUT THIS CUPOLA SHIT CROWDING MY FLOW.

(Heartfelt apologies for the missed opportunity to fully discuss our balcony feelings with our new and amazing guest, Kenna! -ed)

COMING BACK AROUND: as the scion of Europe's most powerful print magazine magnate (brief reminder: this show takes place in the 21st century and the Internet has been invented in this timeline), Margaux's got big plans and the pixie cut to match! Though, admittedly, her debut is less "Shock and Awe" than it is "Mock and Bawl" as she plummets face first into a lapful of Danny's cringeworthy sexual innuendo--not what I'd call a fantastic Coming Out forthis Parisienne Debutante! Oh well, it's hardly her fault. They don't teach high-level Revenge in those fancy Swiss Alps finishing schools (which, I think we'll all learn, becomes somewhat of a recurring theme with Margaux's character).

Naïveté, however, provides no succor to the long-suffering (but not for long!) Ashley Davenport. As the Memorial Day gala hits an explosive tummy ache of a climax and Emily's Anti-Ashley Scorched Earth Policy charges up to 130% Capacity, the Young Miss Davenport discovers she better get to working overtime if she plans avoid the *taxi emoji* *heart emoji* *knife in back emoji* *get a better plan in life Ashley or AT LEAST set your goals a little higher, JFC emoji* *taxi emoji* and keep her makeshift millet sack booties on US soil. Put that neck on a swivel, Ashley! You know as well as anyone that, thanks to the Greater European Character Conservation of Mass theory, if One Arrives then One Must Surely Leave, and this time I don't think even the practical powers of the routinely handsome Dr. Doctor will be able to save your social-climbing tootsies out from the summer's inaugural Young Yuppie Beachside Bonfire For S'Mores & Ritual Revenge Totem Immolation!

*hamburger emoji* *peace sign emoji* *Japanese kanji for Tree emoji* *number 3 emoji* *air plane emoji* *sobbing in the Eastern European bathroom because you accidentally just sold yourself into a life of human trafficking emoji* *cat face emoji* *train emoji*

REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST! REVENGECAST!

(CUPOLA! -ed)

Topics for Consideration:

The Vandamme of Our Time Where'd the Pencil Go??Nolan 2.NO Charlotte's Most Definite Dick Peek Tw'One Without Tw'Other Victoria's Kawaiikunai Abandonment Issues

Target Status:

If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge: Summer 2016 Edition! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! (some messy audio in the beginning as I do a sloppy job cutting out the noise of the air conditioner compressor, it becomes marginally better after the Azumanga Daioh break!) (thanks to all the listeners who submitted titles, I'm pretty sure I got them all in!)

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Can I kick it?

For the sake of brevity, I'm going to assume you replied "yes, you can!"

Because it's Revengecast season 2 episode 22: Truth (part 2), the long-awaited Season Finalé, and we've got less than no time to waste!

Events Are Happening! Such as: Jack putting a heartbreaking end to all of his friendships--fast or otherwise--and smashing his cellphone 'neath his hoary old boot to assume the mantle of Stealth Jack in order to infiltrate the highest & deepest echelons of the Conrad Grayson Gubernatorial Security Apparatus. Why? Because that asshole tried to kill him! Or wait, right now we think it's Ashley what did that, but (bearing in mind the title of this episode), I have a feeling that lie won't linger longly. Especially not after Ashley points out a Logical Fallacy in Jack's Emotiona-Driven Emoji Argument via the unremitting iron gavel of the Jashley Investigations Charter. Looks like there's no room to "Jash" It Out on this one, Jack-o!

Emily is freaking out! Danny is freaking out (and punching people!) Aiden is on a somewhat uncharacteristically even keel, but don't worry about it because Nolan is picking up the slack by writhing on his fainting couch, sobbing hot tears of worry and clinging to his body pillow (an I, My, Me Strawberry Eggs dakimakura, natch) while the world turns to shit around him. Victoria's freaking out! Conrad's freaking out about Victoria's freak out (while standing gubernatorially on top of a car in the middle of Neo-Ground Zero) and, finally, finally, finally the true TRUTH of the Initiative is revealed in a  way which might surprise you.

(if you haven't been paying attention)

Briefly, we devote some thought to Why Did We Have To Leave England WHERE WE AT LEAST WE HAD SOME G-D WINDOWS??

But enough about that!! The catastrophic moments that change everyones lives aren't about to let up, no matter how much Conrad won't shut up about the chopter, and so, neither can we!

As the winding and weaving events of this season draw a bead on the climax quick as a lazy-eyed sniper, Maple, the golden retriever with a heart of gold (and a nose to match!) briefly ignores her whelming love of beavers, badgers, and all other aquatic mammals and/or rodents to foil Aiden's escape plans at the Canadian border (HI!), Declan, eddied about by the aftershocks of a desk that kinda fell on him, reassures Chocolate that they will definitely be the Best Teen Moms Ever while secretly planning a long convalescence in the Grey Havens (the dust got him all sniffly!), Stealth Jack dons his greatest disguise yet (y'know, of the two featured in this episode) and struggles to overcome his (possible) Manchurian Candidate conditioning, Victoria receives a strange and [expected] unexpected Thing on her Doorstep, Nolan's heart is shattered into a million-billion pieces as he finds himself posthumously betrayed by the only woman he ever loved, Conrad just grins a lot (jerk!), and Emily finally lays her bare soul as things ultimately come to an ultimate head in what we can definitely declare is definitely a season finale of a second season of a TV show called Revenge!

*BAM BAM BAM BAAAAAAAM*

Topics for Consideration:

Illegal Greenland Anime Server/Bug-Out Bag You Can Reach Me Through My Nolan Slim Phillip: The Terror of Midtown Retcon(rad grayon)s Neil deGrasse Tyson — The Martyr We Created, The Hero We Deserve Ashley: Cyberpunk CEO to the Stars.

Target Status:

If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow!

Download here Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions! Ooops! As it turns out the microphones were poorly balanced. So please endure the difference between our audio levels with as many grains of salt as you can bear, and (~~~like we always say~~~) we'll do our best to do better next time!

So a couple weeks back Graz and I were on the Going Last podcast to talk Dark Souls and the Dark Souls board game. But I never posted about it or linked it in the feed because I'm dumb and I forgot! So here it is, and thanks so much to Kenna and Rich for having us on, and it was a lot of fun, and I hope we didn't make total fools of ourselves!

This week we needed help from our Friends from the Internet, Dave and Graziella to breakdown Dark Souls – plus we review all the other amazing Kickstarters. We are also excited for the best versions of many games, including Legendary Encounters, Star Wars RPG and The Builders! So much to get to! So let’s get to it!

So get on over there and listen to it! Or download the mp3!

Auugh I hate myself for forgetting to post this for so looooong.

In this episode of Revengecast: The Podcast About Revenge, Jack Porter's dockers are filled with a steaming load of [RATED E FOR EXPLICIT] and so are ours! With New York in peril thanks to the deployment of the devious Carrion device, wheels are spinning, deals are happening, and alliances are forged, broken, and forged again stronger than ever across not one but two separate islands!

In perhaps the briefest pairing yet, Jactoria Snooping Agency pairs up for the dual purpose of Talking like a Regency Novel Protagonist AND ALSO to investigate the strange occurrences transpiring behind the closed, mahogany boardroom doors of the nefarious Conchly Group(...Global)--who are super good at spycraft and the nonpareil experts in their field at not looking suspicious at all--and their innovative new Cunning Cons: Sponsored by Conrad Grayson (#JointheCONversation). Meanwhile, on the other side of the vestibule doors(where, TBQF, we all kind of wish they'd just stayed forever, like in a sort of Cask of Amontillado scenario), the Decgina Anti-Friends  fritter away their time bickering like only love-struck teenagers can, and Charlotte and Danny, who really bear no portmanteau, are power-napping their way across 17 Blocks (which is one extra block than Bruce Willis and Mos Def ever got!) three hours at a time.

But the [RATED E FOR EXPLICIT] really hits the fan when the power comes back and Emily finds out that maybe not everyone on the planet is super into her exact, specific method of Revanche. The darkest secrets of the Takeda Black Marker Circle Ritual is revealed, Victoria stoops to a new housekeeping low, Ashley is Aligning The Crystals to imbue Conrad with the spirit of Rich People's Greatest Ally, Aiden's heavy heart forces him to reveal a troubling encounter with The Man Who Bites (now streaming on Netflix!), Jack has definitely played at least one Pokemon game (looks like a real SOUL SILVER to me, am I right?), we lament the futility of one Babbano against the full might of the Vecchia Famiglia dei Magi (we also cut like half an hour of us humorlessly discussing the horrors of retributive criminal justice, so you're welcome), and Emily is with child?? Well, probably not, but somebody is, and you'll have to listen [rate, review, and subscribe to our patreon] to find out who!!

Topics for Consideration:

The NolanSat Satellite Sat Network (aka The NolSatSatSat)
Wolf Children Illumi and Nati
Many Marthas
Beverly Hills Time Cube 2: Hypercube
Celebrity Box Starring Bea Arthur
Revenge -- Prior: The Blade -- The Novel: The Tempest of CCH Pounder (with Madeline Stowe)
The Trendy Cloning Life of Luckey Persimmons
Givenchy Fuckin' Loafers
#NeverEndOnAshley

 

If you have the time, write us a review on iTunes using this link. iTunes reviews are a big factor in discovery metrics, and all it takes is a sentence to help us grow! Also Download The mp3 Or Whatever

GAME OF THRONES (AND OTHER TV!) SPOILERS FROM ~5:00 to ~12:00, SO WATCH OUT!!

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This episode is the best guys, bringing us the potent, truest form of Revenge melodrama. Like the MAIN conflict is about Emily wanting to move to Paris with Victoria's son. The woman would be willing to kill over this. They use the super dangerous drama music and everything. YOURE MOVING OUT ?!?!?!?! MURDER!!!!! Also prominently featured are (what i assume  to be) Austen levels of politeness that cunningly transform into sick burns. Powers we clearly don't have, because we don't waste a single second on whether or not Love Actually sucks (it does) and whether or not Soul Reaver not only rocks butts but also deserves to be plot-recapped for like ten minutes in a two-hour podcast that is basically just a plot recap in the first place (it does!!)

Delving deep into the mind's eye of our hearts, we cast Victoria in her Most Challenging Role yet, The Empathetist (join the conversation at #TRUTCHYOURGUT), and seeking hidden wisdom lost across the many folds of time and space, we divine Victoria’s 4 pillars of nen superpower:

Elegance Mistrust Subtlety Money

...which spells EMSM...which as we can all plainly see is basically just EMILY. Truly they are locked in providential battle, one fated since the forging of the earth. Also fated by that time Emily saw Victoria kissing her dad. To be fair Victoria did scowl at her. And then ruined her life. So yes basically yes, providence and doom and all that. Dave correctly intuits that Victoria experiences sex like an Asari matriarch, possibly the kind that have sex so good that it kills you? Then theres all the shit Aiden is doing while he is Going Rogue, its a lot but lets just say it involves mall katanas. Finally, Dave is pretty sure Victoria has played Valkyrie Profile and I mean it is a really good game and Victoria does have unimpeachable taste but I'm not convinced shes gotten around to it yet.

Topics for Consideration:

Who Sits Upon The Bucket Throne? Hedgefund Detention S. Empatha Merkerson Going Rogue #ItsNeverHughGrant Jackie Pork Poodie Pie

Target Status:

 

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge: Spring 2016 Edition! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! (thanks to all the listeners who submitted titles, I'm pretty sure I got them all in!)

 

Watch out sensei, that meat ain't all it's cracked up to be!

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In this edition of the Revengecast post I'm typing this while Graz streams Dark Souls 3 so apologies for brevity or a (greater than normal) lack of cohesion!

Tonight, we welcome Spankminister's expertise for this Very Special Episode of Revenge, by which I mean it involves not only 90s-style hackers, but also 90s-style video games (by which I mean Street Fighter 2, boyyy!) On this cyberbattlescape where bits are bytes and bytes are the only thing that's real, the notorious Falcon (who is definitely a man) learns a valuable lesson about friendship (maybe!) from... wait, do my eyes deceive me or is that the beautiful and handsome Ryan Gosling star of hit movie, The Driver Man??

Yes friends, tonight, truly the fingerless gloves and Chun-Li kicks flow like rose-scented sweet water as we spiral into a dizzyingly dark descent wherein we discover that Jack Porter may be not only Stupidly Honest Kanzaki Nao BUT ALSO The Ultimate Survivor AKA Kaiji (JUST GET NAKED AND WALK THAT STEEL BEAM, BUDDY, THAT DEBT AIN'T GONNA CLEAR ITSELF), and mull over whether Victoria contemplating her past might be just a little self-serving and/or narcissistic and/or you know, she's kinda got a point though, what's a seventeen-year-old mom gonna do with a kid when Paris is on the horizon?? Who would blame her? Not me!!

(well, maybe me; but at the same time, I understand completely her choices, and to a certain extent believe they were best for everyone involved)

And so, in our own way, we all wish we possessed both Victoria's overwhelming inner strength and her consummate ability for self-deception, because couldn't we all use a bit of Baptism By Haute Couture, here and there? Meanwhile, Charlotte's permitting herself a nice night of Girl on Grayson Action (tm!) and we're sitting here like a bunch of dopes fretting over Declan's remarkably inexpert child care abilities, lamenting Baby Carl's unenviably status as the world's first infant to experience post-partum depression while JUJU CHANG IS IN THE SITTING ROOM RIGHT NOW. HOLY CRAP. EVERYONE GET A MOVE ON, THERE'S NO TIME!

(if the audio's out of whack, sorry! leveling two sources is haaaaaaaaarrrrdddd)

Topics for Consideration:

The 5 Stages of Revenge Grief A Gap In The Flashback Firewall Cool Person Trick Questions Declan's Aura Of Extreme Malaise (+d6 Sadness in a 25' Radius/Round) Street Fighter 2: A Commitment To Accuracy SKREE!

Target Status:

 

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It's been a surprisingly long time since the last Revengecast, especially since we recorded this one before Graz went away to Colorado, but what can you do? We ain't in the army and we don't get up at reveille.

(that being said, we are always striving to be more punctual and we apologize for the delay in Your Content)

ANYWAY. In this episode of Revenge, everyone's prepping for an October Surprise, which is not as fun as it sounds and is probably not a delicious, refreshing traditional English dessert (the jury's still out). All over New York, fall, the election, and the masquerade ball are in full swing! While we dither about what is/is not Page 6, Conrad struggles to get his Town Hall (in Jack's Bar) Meeting to the perfect pitch of down-home, working-class charm. Don't worry Conrad, the casual, relatable way you remove your blazer is sure to (working )class the PANTS OF those filthy Vox Populi (vote Grayson). But it would sure be helpful if Ashley stopped interrupting our practice debate to run intermediary because back at the house, mysterious notes are being dropped off re: one suspiciously Long Lost Son. Who could it be!

Well it's probably not Padma, who has vanished, not that you'd know from Aiden's completely cavalier attitude about the whole thing, considering how Nolan's gone full Dollhouse and is writing conspiracy grids all over his corner office mirrors in his quest to FIND THE NUMBERS.  It's like Aiden can't be bothered to care about how Nolan's so depressed that it's all he can do to pick up the phone and order expensive delivery sushi whenever he's feeling slightly peckish. Apparently, all AIDEN cares about is tying red string around an increasingly muddled collage of low-DPI black and white printouts of Manhattan's manifold butts (and casually sliding his way out of the room when Hyper-Advanced 1920s Crime Robot Ethan(??) Trask shows up to complain about his investment portfolio (and also why the murders haven't happened yet)). Also, also does Aiden seriously not have a secret identity and he's just been going around with the same last name as the guy who blew up the plane THIS WHOLE SHOW IS ABOUT and nobody has noticed up until this point?? That seems like a strange oversight to me???

At some point we try to determine if any Pokemon can truly sum up the essence of Victoria (spoiler alert: Freiza???)

Look, let's face it: whatever important stuff might or might not happen in this episode, the only thing worth caring about is the masquerade, and what a masquerade it's been! While treachery abounds and disasters pop off like champagne corks all over the island (thanks a lot, Aiden!!) Victoria's haunting by THE PAHST comes to a canonical head when the specters of her THE PAHST come back to haint her at the very masquerade party she worked so hard on all month to make sure it was spooky-HYPHEN-fun. The *fun* part was important, Ashley, didn't you get the iMemo?? This masquerade ball isn't spooky-HYPHEN-fun, it's just spooky, and that's not ANY kind of fun, hyphen or no! Also, who keeps playing Wagner or maybe Mozart everywhere it's starting to piss me off and make me feel faint.

This is a worse masquerade than the one Danny's impromptu incarceration canceled last year!!! >:|  And all this after Victoria gots this close to inducting Charlotte into the Sisterhood of the Time Traveling Past Balcony until she gets bored and forgets she's supposed to care about her daughter when--overcome by the eddying currents of the TIME BALCONY--she remembers she has not one, but two sons for which she bears a deep unrequited love about which she allows absolutely no introspection about the whats and/or whens of her actions that may've caused her maternal love to be unrequited in the first place (2x spoiler alert: don't leave your baby on some doorstep if you don't want him to send you ominous black roses thirty years later).

#SorryHarlot

Topics for Consideration:

HalloWIN? Candy Dorobos The Grasyon/Porter Secret Anime Code 4 Foolin' The Vox Potpurri How To Be A Big, Strong Man The Dick Cerberus Tequila Placenta: Not Real. Tinctures Made From Tequila and Placenta: ALL TOO REAL. Charlotte, Eat Your Saucy Pud.

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Listen Up!

It's been a surprisingly long time since the last Revengecast, especially since we recorded this one before Graz went away to Colorado, but what can you do? We ain't in the army and we don't get up at reveille.

(that being said, we are always striving to be more punctual and we apologize for the delay in Your Content)

ANYWAY. In this episode of Revenge, everyone's prepping for an October Surprise, which is not as fun as it sounds and is probably not a delicious, refreshing traditional English dessert (the jury's still out). All over New York, fall, the election, and the masquerade ball are in full swing! While we dither about what is/is not Page 6, Conrad struggles to get his Town Hall (in Jack's Bar) Meeting to the perfect pitch of down-home, working-class charm. Don't worry Conrad, the casual, relatable way you remove your blazer is sure to (working )class the PANTS OF those filthy Vox Populi (vote Grayson). But it would sure be helpful if Ashley stopped interrupting our practice debate to run intermediary because back at the house, mysterious notes are being dropped off re: one suspiciously Long Lost Son. Who could it be!

Well it's probably not Padma, who has vanished, not that you'd know from Aiden's completely cavalier attitude about the whole thing, considering how Nolan's gone full Dollhouse and is writing conspiracy grids all over his corner office mirrors in his quest to FIND THE NUMBERS.  It's like Aiden can't be bothered to care about how Nolan's so depressed that it's all he can do to pick up the phone and order expensive delivery sushi whenever he's feeling slightly peckish. Apparently, all AIDEN cares about is tying red string around an increasingly muddled collage of low-DPI black and white printouts of Manhattan's manifold butts (and casually sliding his way out of the room when Hyper-Advanced 1920s Crime Robot Ethan(??) Trask shows up to complain about his investment portfolio (and also why the murders haven't happened yet)). Also, also does Aiden seriously not have a secret identity and he's just been going around with the same last name as the guy who blew up the plane THIS WHOLE SHOW IS ABOUT and nobody has noticed up until this point?? That seems like a strange oversight to me???

At some point we try to determine if any Pokemon can truly sum up the essence of Victoria (spoiler alert: Freiza???)

Look, let's face it: whatever important stuff might or might not happen in this episode, the only thing worth caring about is the masquerade, and what a masquerade it's been! While treachery abounds and disasters pop off like champagne corks all over the island (thanks a lot, Aiden!!) Victoria's haunting by THE PAHST comes to a canonical head when the specters of her THE PAHST come back to haint her at the very masquerade party she worked so hard on all month to make sure it was spooky-HYPHEN-fun. The *fun* part was important, Ashley, didn't you get the iMemo?? This masquerade ball isn't spooky-HYPHEN-fun, it's just spooky, and that's not ANY kind of fun, hyphen or no! Also, who keeps playing Wagner or maybe Mozart everywhere it's starting to piss me off and make me feel faint.

This is a worse masquerade than the one Danny's impromptu incarceration canceled last year!!! >:|  And all this after Victoria gots this close to inducting Charlotte into the Sisterhood of the Time Traveling Past Balcony until she gets bored and forgets she's supposed to care about her daughter when--overcome by the eddying currents of the TIME BALCONY--she remembers she has not one, but two sons for which she bears a deep unrequited love about which she allows absolutely no introspection about the whats and/or whens of her actions that may've caused her maternal love to be unrequited in the first place (2x spoiler alert: don't leave your baby on some doorstep if you don't want him to send you ominous black roses thirty years later).

#SorryHarlot

Topics for Consideration:

HalloWIN? Candy Dorobos The Grasyon/Porter Secret Anime Code 4 Foolin' The Vox Potpurri How To Be A Big, Strong Man The Dick Cerberus Tequila Placenta: Not Real. Tinctures Made From Tequila and Placenta: ALL TOO REAL. Charlotte, Eat Your Saucy Pud.

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So this week in Revengecast we're a little heavy on plot synopsis but as per usual there are a lot of byzantine machinations to go through. Yes I know machinations already implies that they are byzantine but it's for emphasis, don't worry about it. SO these particular revanches involve foster brother Eli and their Dickensian orphanage (Revenge's own words, it's in the script) named Hayward House, more like HeyWORST House. We see more of baby Gothmanda and her predilection for using red markers to X out her enemies--in this case her very own father! But all she has are those awesome children's smelly markers and so she has to smite him, but with the scent of cherry. We once again fail to do our homework on sartorial terminology, I dont even know what you call a blazer with two rows of buttons. I should have bought this book which is real and NOT a joke:

So we're also continuing the Tale of the Nine-Fingered Padma’s Father and the Carrion of Doom, and Nolan is making some pretty serious promises to Padma that nothing bad will ever happen to her or her dad ever again. Unfortunately these promises end up coming down to Aiden, who proves once again that he is bad at his job. Don’t worry Nolan Padma will be FINE. This mission that Emily can’t supervise because she is in New Haven for some reason will definitely go well. I have a degree from Tanaka’s Correspondence Revenge School, now hear me out, its not as fancy as Takeda’s school but I have studied the butts of ALL the initiative members (that I know of) and I am ready to shoot them there (in their butts) with my sniper rifle. Unless of course they're turned around, but what are the chances of that? Or oh god what if they are sitting down...NO Tanaka warned me about this, this is what we call "self doubt" and it is the enemy of revenge. I WILL BE ABLE TO SEE THEIR BUTTS NOLAN. I swear it to you.

ELI JAMES...? :(

Listen Up!

Take 2! We welcome Patrick back for a fun romp through the sad sad Amanda’s funeral episode. RETRIBUTION! Emily is 100 percent sure it was the Graysons who are responsible for Amanda’s death and she’s mostly right, except as always she focuses her ire on her one true object of revenge (Victoria) when really Victoria was all “who the fuck is Nate Ryasdaksld Conrad, and why does my mouth hurt when I say his name, is he poor!!?” 

So despite the fact that Amanda’s death was pretty much as unconnected with Emily as is possible, given that they’re bffs who share each others name and past and present and are sisters, Jack is still super pissed at Emily because like…reasons. Because its Emily’s responsibility to tell Jack that Amanda was plotting revenge i guess? Jack is a dickface, who cares. WELL APPARENTLY ME because i can’t let go how arguably he is the one who fucked up and got the Ryans all up in their bar and got Amanda killed. 

Danny is still having his mini crisis of conscience and is all like ALL WE HAVE IS BLOOD MONEY AND IM TIRED OF FEELING BAD ALL THE TIME MOM CANT WE JUST HAVE ALL THE MONEY AND NO BLOOD, OR AT LEAST POSSIBLY LESS BLOOD?

Shhhhhh go to sleep Danny, go to sleep forever.  

ELI JAMES???

Topics for Consideration:

Victoria's Bloodborne Fashion Sense Once again Everything is Coming Up White Guys With Money! Losing Two Amandas in One Night Toothsome Tart or TOOTHSOME TART The Face Vault In Game of Thrones (But For Fingers) Next Time Buy The Safe, Amanda Emiligizing

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We're trying something new! Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions!

Listen Up!

Watch out everyone because in this sterling episode of Revenge, things are really heating up! And I'm not just talking about the weather (though the unseasonably hot weather is such an essential plot point of this episode that it's bordering on that annoying thing where people say "Los Angeles is like its own character in this movie, man), but the things that are happening while the weather is hot are also very hot in a metaphorical sense! As the scene opens, we find Helen Crowley dead in our pool house! What do we do! Somehow I was SO sure that they changed into their Super Taupe Tones body disposal outfits the night of the murder but actually those were their NEXT DAY AFTER MURDER outfits, which does make more sense. Nothing screams innocence like beige, obviously.

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the ocean, Jamanda's first morning of unrestrained wedded bliss is interrupted by a Very Sneaky Hamper Man, name of Anders vonPyramidPlayer. In a trial that would test even the strongest of marriages, Anders deploys his "Grossly Misinterpret Conrad's Intent" stratagem and holds the newly wedded Clarke-Porters hostage in search of the evidence. But as it turns out, Anders learned all his tactics from an old copy of Stratego, so while he's trying to figure out if Jack and Amanda "surrounded their flag with bombs, or if that's just another bomb in the middle, and what if it's actually in the front row with all the pawns, nobody ever expects you to put it in the front row???" Jack proves he has a knack (or is that a "jack"???) for subterfuge after all, and Amanda's eyes are drawing a Looney Toons-style dotted line between that fire extinguisher and the back of Anders's head.

Back on the mainland, though, it is still hot! And you know it's hot because everyone SAYS it is, including Nolan who has a FAN and AW MAN THE AIR CONDITIONER BROKE and if we weren't before, we're definitely going to kill the Baby Coral now, Chocolate! BUT LOOK WE HAVE TO GET THROUGH THIS PODCAST BECAUSE WE ARE VERY HUNGRY SO MOVE MOVE MOVE. Emily and Nolan are on a boat! Aiden drags Padma all the way to NYC to tell her something he basically could've texted her, and jeezy creezy thank god they skip that car trip and save us the torment. Like what would their road trip conversations even be about? What the hell would the two blandest people on the planet talk about for two hours? "Omg, can you believe we're both love Saltines and the Dave Matthews Band??" Yes Padmaiden, I can.

Back on the ocean, time is running out! Emily is moving the throttle forward and Nolan is boat hacking (and doing a very good job at not throwing up!) As the episode hastens to a close, we meet the inscrutable TRASK and, what's more, discover TRASK HAS A TASK (and that task is to find out what has happened to Helen Crowley). Perhaps more pertinently, we're given incontrovertible evidence that Emily in fact does have a feeling, it just took her eight years to express it!! (and now Taye Diggs is after her, shit!)

As this Very Important Episode of Revenge comes to a close, resolves are tested, hearts are broken, and wills are reforged into something colder than iron and harder than steel--but the next time your number comes up on that big, karmic wheel, Fauxmanda, maybe just let the necklace go...?

Topics for Consideration: Gantz: The Suffering of Ealstan Stinky Boat Bed THE NECTAHS: Curse of the WereSouthie Ashley and Her Sizable Bag of Tricks of Many Pockets. Conrad Grayson: Road Warrior The Food Pon Farr Jackting! LMS or "Lobster Monger Syndrome" The Adventures of "Blunt Trauma" One and "No Feelings" One, an Emily and/or Emily Amanda and/or Amanda story.

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Listen Up!

Let’s talk about unions! Despite their vulnerability to venality, I think we have to acknowledge that unions are one of the exceptionally few forces the American worker has acting in their favor in this hardscrabble economy, for example—

Oh wait, we’re not talking about those unions. We’re talking about the ones where you get married on a beach to a woman who you've been deceived into believing is your long-lost childhood crush (and at this point, she appears to have started believing the hype), or where you coldblooded X-out a mean business lady/ancient lich of timeless evil who’s menacing your beautiful baby boykin, or where you visit the unmarked grave of your dead sister who was kidnapped and addicted to heroin and is definitely for real dead now, okay Aiden? Can we like go home already? Because I am not spending the night in Jersey-FUCKING-City, I don’t care if they finally got a Barcade!

With treachery in the air and the stakes soaring ever higher in this already fraught world of beachfront marriages and waterside casino development, Nolan exhibits a seriously déclassé attitude by outdressing everyone at Jamanda's wedding, Danny relives his college days by taking a surreptitious nap during Helen Crowley’s Capitalist Imperialism & Forbidden Blood Magicks 101 seminar, Conrad discovers viagra’s got nothing on the veritable priapism induced by some all-natural wheeling and dealing, Anders sits alone on a boat wondering what Starbuck is doing and why she’s so great (aren’t we all?), Victoria recoups her losses from Ashley’s ongoing Game of Burns by delivering a severe dose of lead poisoning, Padma keeps being whatever, and Aiden makes some of his squintiest faces we’ve ever been privileged to as he demands you RUN THE PROGRAM RUN THE PROGRAM RUN THE PROGRAM. All this and more on this thrilling (comparatively! considering it’s set right in the middle of bland-ass Season 2!) episode of Revenge!

-Dave

The movie I was trying to think of was Blow Up (1966), but I also completely mooshed the plot together with Peeping Tom (1960). Blow Up as we all know from film school is by Antonioni and is a dialogue with and rejection of (neo)realism and the notion that a filmed image is an unmediated representation of empirical reality. Thanks to his sister's horrifying death Aiden is getting an education in viz studies! Next hes gonna be all like GUYS do you even KNOW about the panopticon? 

TRIMPS!

-Graz

Topics for Consideration:

#OniConrad Nolan is the janus figure/ sexual mercurial angel of sexuality - Amanda "Oops-Upside-Your-Head" Clarke Vincent Denofrio-Vaughn THE SCULLY BOX The Titular Blank Check Baby Carl’s Adventures with Aunty Chorcolate and the Elf: The Time I Got Rubbed On Some Cow Udders: A Tale of How I Contracted Mumps. Our upcoming Hamptons Research Project, testing the plushness of the terrycloth robes and getting arrested for trespassing--please look forward to it!

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What light in yon window breaks? Why, it's another Revengecast! That's right, it's your boy Dave here to tell you that I edited this episode specifically so Graz couldn't take out all my gross baby voices and/or references to weird breastfeeding subplots in manga (also she's been busy with work and stuff)! After forty-five minutes where we're distracted by Shia Lebouf, The Stallion that Mounts the World, Cat's Paws, and General Vampire Lore, we finally make it to the first commercial break, before which Helen Crowley, aka Lady InitiativeHeart, offers Aiden an ultimatum: kill Victoria Grayson in the next 24 hours or your definitely (possibly, probably, maybe) alive sister will die! What a moral conundrum, gasp!! With such intrigue boasted on the horizon, it's difficult to really sink yourselves into the Nolan and Padma house hunting subplot until you realize they are actually are experiencing the twin joys of house hunting and traitorism. Why you gonna play a Nolan like that, Padma? He never did nothin' to no one. Except Marco. And as we've already discussed, Marco is ANNOYING and therefore DOES NOT COUNT. Chocolate makes a big decision without considering the ramifications for even a single second and Jack and Declan keep existing; it's a good thing the water's out at the Stowaway AGAIN because that means they couldn't wash the boot black and chimney soot smudging their faces, which does them the huge favor of constant, overwhelming pathos when it comes time to sway Creepy Toothy Handsome Man's conscience to their side and, in a gradually becoming characteristic display of Human Emotion, he sells them back the bar so it can continue drowning them in debt like a big, rotting, baby-filled albatross around their scrawny, wiry, chimney-cleaning orphan necks! (luckily, Anders was distracted by a pick-up game of Pyramid at the time and could not stop the deal from going through)

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the country, Revenge sets most of the episode in Los Angeles because, I guess, they wanted to give their CG artists a break from Photoshopping out all that LA scenery that's in all their location shots anyway. Victoria wants Prosser (who??) to buy the Stoneheart Group, Prosser wants Victoria for the sex-wanting-having-makings, Danny wants the Stoneheart Group BECAUSE, Emily wants him to get it ALSO BECAUSE, and Aiden just wants to put a bullet in the back of Victoria's dome but these damn gauzy, all-but see-through, essentially transparent, curtains keep getting in the way and he didn't finish the Golgo 13 tape he rented so he never got to the part where you learn if someone actually can make that shot (if that someone is Aiden, apparently no). If my sister is dies, Emily, I swear to christ, I'm gonna stop forwarding you Vines of this adorable sheeb dancing to 80s pump-up songs.

 

Poor pouty aiden!!! So pouty! So aiden! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP KISSING DANNY EMILY? You’re supposed to give me ALL the kisses, and Danny NO kisses, thats what boyfriends are! While Aiden is sabotaging Emily’s tolerance for him, Victoria is having covert meetings with Emily in her solarium and saying things like SABOTAGE and C'EST LE GUERRE. Someone is dead in a balaclava. Connie is still wearing shorts but now he’s smoking cubans and sparring over who is or is not the most emasculated with his ULTIMATE RIVAL Jason Prosser - Other Finance Guy. We mention 15 tv shows in a 1 minute period by accident, and Victoria is eyerolling Conrad’s posturing man-shorted ass all around the manor while she tries to actually take care of her sabotage. Dave does a Baby Conrad impersonation, and ponders whether elephants can actually appreciate a peanut. Also he loses his mind over those couple of lines from A Mighty Wind. I get pretty sleepy and dave looks at pictures of bears for like 5 minutes. I didn’t cut it out, you’re welcome. 

Happy thanksgiving people! We do a lengthly thanksgiving roundup, discuss lasagna, and cry for a while about the nightmare food we encountered in VA. NIGHTMARE FOOOOOD. Why can’t people just make food that has flavor. WHY. We attempt to work out the logistics of making flavorless gravy with little success, and yet we are faced with the reality of its existence. One of life’s darker Mysteries. Meanwhile in the Land of Revanche Emily is breaking out a red sharpie for an old timey actual revenge Revenge. This time the target is Judge Barnes, up for nomination to the supreme court because he did such a good job during the ultra-sensationalized David Clark trial. That's how this Supreme Court shit works, just ask Chief Justice Ito. So there's a lot of ins and outs but also there's Valcony Alliances in the works where Victoria un-bans Emily from the Manor and, to prove just how un-banned she is, invites her to lemonade up on the balcony. Yes that balcony, the official Sadness Balcony what where Victoria goes to regret the past while looking stunning against the ocean… and also stare at Emily’s porch. In summation, we talk about how fucked up it was that Stephanie March married Bobby Flay. Also this is real, and from a real magazine: http://hamptons-magazine.com/ali-wentworth-stephanie-march-and-katie-lee-talk-summer-in-the-hamptons enjoy!!

Listen Up!

So we get pretty excited about the fancy shotgun, green fields, and pretty tent party that the episode starts with. Victoria slowly takes an ornate shotgun out of an ornate shotgun box and starts hitting clay frisbees like someone who grew up hunting pheasant in Oxfordshire not chasing pigeons on the upper east side. We try to lay out exactly what we mean when we talk about collar watch, and there are so many collars to watch! Victoria is wearing a crazy lace collar thing, everyone is wearing weird vests, and this is an official DPPP episode! Lets take this time to thank Nolan for descending to our dirty plane of existence to give us a glimpse of the sublime. The reason for the shooting party is Victoria and Conrad are trying to save their precious baby potato boy from taking over Grayson Global and thus falling into the clutches of the initiative. Enter Sandoval, a Spaniard (or possibly Braziliard) and Influential Investor. Anyway everyone tries to manipulate everyone else and Emily and Aiden come out on top in the end. The main tool is a video of Ashley and Conrad having creepily enthusiastic sex, which gets sent to Victoria to weaken her allegiance with Conrad, but which Victoria manages to turn to her advantage by forcing Ashley to have sex with Salvador. Whats a little soul crushing sex with Salvador in the long run Ashley? Its not like Danny will realize his mother blackmailed you to have sex with this dude and then counter blackmail the dude into voting for him by taking a picture of the two of you and then DUMP YOU ANYWAY. Danny wouldn’t do that, who would do that??????

Topics for Consideration:

Loosely Organized Crime Baby Bjorns For The Tiny CFO On The Go Sex Having Wantings God Will Provide (More Potato Skins) Changing the name to Grayson Global Global - Danny’s first act as CEO (Wet) Money Ball My Queen Victoria - the ultimate object of desire and revenge

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