Thu, 14 February 2019
It's Revengecast, the only podcast on the internet that loves you enough to put a show out on Valentine's Day, setting aside the obvious irony where the LAST episode of Revengecast was put out closer to 2018's valentine's day than this current one.
Okay so let me catch you up as best I can while revealing--we believe in full disclosure--that we recorded this podcast like two weeks ago and the only reason I'm getting around to posting it now is because the grindiest event in the grindiest mobage, Granblue's Unite and Fite, is has just begun, and so for the foreseeable future my desktop will looks like this 24/7:
and I'll feel MARGINALLY less guilty about spending the next X hours of my life hitting the same 5 buttons every 3 minutes if I work on a podcast while I'm doing it!
SO ANYWAY. Revengecast. Remember Mason Treadwell? Of course you do, he's the attache case to the stars! The chaise lounge of the rich but not particularly famous. At the moment, Mason is vewwy, vewwy sad because prison doesn't stock his favorite skin exfoliants in the commissary, and trying to make that skin sparkle with a (soon to be) patented combination of Vics Vaporrub and Top Ramen flavor sachets was NOT having the desire effect. So, he decides he should--nay, MUST!--make his voice heard. Taking to the streets (or, the visitation room), he pounds his chubby fists on the table with a strident refrain of "JUVIE BOY WANNA LOBSTA! JUVIE BOY WANNA LOBSTA!" until Emily gets so fed up she pockets the sharpie she was gonna give him to black his hair and says IF YOU WANT YOUR DAMN LOBSTER SO MUCH JUST STICK IT UP YOUR ASS.
You know what they say, you can take the Juvie Girl out of the Juvie but you can't take the Girl out of the Juvie Girl.
Mason replete with his reporter's intuition and Hemmingway's inherent misogyny, immediately deciphers Emily's message as a veiled threat--"his ass" obvious code for "Victoria." If you want your lobster... DON'T YOU DARE... "stick it up" .... aka "make a phone call to" in Welsh slang... Victoria?? Well we'll just see about that! Because this Juvie Boy gets two phone calls... a week. But when Thursday comes you better watch out, Armalarm Tharme!
Meanwhile on the other side of the ATLANTIC Emily and Aiden stop by what appears to be the Little England attraction of Disneyland Britain's It's A Small World ride, where Aiden's mother has taken up a hermitage, unable to bear the slings and cabbages of her neighbors, who for the past two-odd decades have been calling her a "Right Pip Pip Terrorist-Wedder, Innit" among other unprintable phrases that appear to be referencing sodden french cheese in a derogatory fashion?
Meanwhile back on the OTHER other side of the Atlantic, which is (technically) where we started, Nolan's got his OWN trouble a brewing (for once) and (also for once) it doesn't involve a weird sociopath. This time it's just a regular sociopath, which is what all silicon valley millionaires are anyway, so Nolan should feel right in when Javier tries to get his GREASY PIZZA PAWS all over Nolan's 70% of that (rejected) Black Mirror Script. That's right baby, John Hamm is in talks to star in the lead role and Revengecats is BACK IN BUSINESS. May this ride never end! Which at the rate we're going, it won't until 2050! And by that time that glacier hole the size of manhattan will have collapsed and we'll have BIGGER things to worry about! REVENGECAST REVENGECAST REVENGECAST!
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